I gave up. I almost decided to tell him, but we don't even talk, we're obviously not even friends, so I didn't see the point in continuing this. And then, over a long week of snow days, I ..... got over him. I came back, saw him in the hall, and realized, that I didn't like him anymore. If he ever were to ask me out (yeah right...) the feelings probably would return, but right now they're very dormant and I'm prepared to find someone else, whose more in my league. And anyways, at this time in my life, I'm not ready to get hurt, especially through rejection. I just need to look around me and see if I share any special connections already with guys I know and have overlooked. then I'll look beyond them to the guys I don't talk to much. I know that no one likes (or has ever really liked) me, but perhaps if I make some more guy friends, I'll grow enough on one of them that something will happen?? Anyways, I'm free now, and I can walk any route I want to my classes now that I don't have to engineer them around seeing him in the hall (I know that sounds stalkerish, but if you don't have any classes with the guy, you have to try harder...).
And there is that pretty cute guy in Latin who got moved near my table, and that very cute soccer player from the weight room....
As you can see, you needen't worry that I'll cry over this guy, its over, I've moved on. :)
Thanks for listening, and sorry if I bothered you...

wow, I really need to write in here more often. Here's an update:
I still have that crush, though I like and know him a lot more now. I plan to tell him someday, though I'm not sure if I'm ready to get hurt when he tells me that he doesn't feel the same. On this same note, that same friend who leaked to my crush last fall is having some annoying boy troubles that would all be solved if she would just realize that the guy isn't interested, and to stop liking him over and over again. Whenever they meet in the hall or chat after school, ALL of her friends have to hear the story. It gets really old really fast.
My best friend is moving to WV in a few months. I'm planning to attend the county's govenor's school to fill that void, and to have something goodlooking on my college applications in a couple of years.
I've also applied for a couple jobs, and I've been turned down at one, and am still waiting to hear from the other one.
I'm no longer that badly overweight. Atleast, I don't look it quite as much anymore. I've been working out every week and doing a lot of running in gym class (which is finally over forever). I'm a little at odds with my violin, and am favoring the piano more and more as the piece I'm working on with the violin continues to frustrate me.
I'm starting a new semester at school next week, and even though I know my crush won't be in any of them, I still hope to see him in the mornings when he and his friends sometimes hang out in my homeroom (somt of his friends are in my homeroom too). Also, I don't think it would be too bad if I got a new crush, on someone I have a better chance with. Oh, and speaking of school, I worked hard and finally got good enough grades to be exempt from the final exams, so I have this entire week off!!! Yeah!!!! :)

I haven't written a public entry in so very long. Here's my life right now in a nutshell:
stress in school, stress between friends, loneliness, books, secret crush(who now knows, thanks to my big mouthed friend) and who will never like me back, confusion, but laughter, fun, and good friends.
Does that make any sense to you? It doesn't to me... oh well. My life doesn't make sense to even me, and I think I left a ton of things out in that nutshell. Like the fact that I'm not doing well in math, even though that was always my strong point in school. And I'm overweight, and having a battle with that right now, especially in gym class.
But I'm also workin on a story right now, playin some beautiful music on the violin, and playin some fun games online, so I guess my life almost evens out.

Elves in your trees,
Dwarves in your caves,
Fairies in your hidden places,
And humans of all kinds:

'Tis the season of
Giving, and Sharing.
Of showing your love
for family and friends.

For showing the magic
Of Christmas time,
To all the races,
In all the realms of magic.

All deserve the warmth,
The joy, the sharing,
and the presents
of Christmas time.

Possible entry in the x-mas poetry contest

I had 8 messages when I logged in today!! I think that's almost a record!

Random thought: There are ALOT of 14 - 16 year olds on elftown.