Ayumi Hamasaki - A Song for XX
Why am I crying?
Why am I lost?
Why did I stop?
Please tell me
When will I grow up?
How long can I stay a child?
Where have I come running from?
Where am I running to?
I had no place to live. I couldn't find one.
I don't know if I could have any hope for the future.
They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying "you must be strong to not cry."
I didn't want those words at all.
So I pretended not to understand.
Why are you laughing?
Why are you by my side?
Why are you leaving me?
Please tell me.
When did you become strong?
Since when have you felt weakness?
How long must you wait
for the day you understand to come?
The sun is rising. I must go soon.
I can't stay in the same place forever.
You will someday be betrayed by your trust in people.
I thought it was the same as being rejected.
At the time I didn't have that kind of strength.
I definitely knew too much.
They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying "you must be strong not to cry."
The more people said things like that,
the more even laughing became agony.
I was born alone. I'll go on living alone.
I thought that surely that kind of life is appropriate.
Malice Mizer - Kyomu No Naka De No Yuugi (The Game Of Nothingness)
Caught between the crevice of delusion and reality
surge vague twine rip assault mind
through the shattered pieces of glass countless rays of light are reflected
In my ruined and dissoluted mind
I redicule nihility, I dissipate in solitary
Cold blood flows
My faded mind is flipping through
From yonder of darkness, pierced light awaken the past
Eternity of time is ticking away endlessly, Reminiscence
From yonder of time, the present tied to the past
With pieces of recollection, Reminiscence
From yonder of darkness, the broken pieces of recollection, Reminiscence
Eternity of time is ticking away endlessly, Reminiscence
Why am I here nowhere ?
Just stare at the end of the everlasting infinity
Enormous wandering shadows are crumbing
Time passes as your heart mingles with the flowing waters
From yonder of darkness, the broken pieces of recollection, Reminiscence
Eternity of time is ticking away endlessly, Reminiscence
Slimy hole bind detain insane sensual
surge vague twine assault mind
Crumbing forms are closing in towards me
I wish everything would collapse and scatter away
From yonder of darkness, pierced light, Reminiscence
Recollection, Reminiscence
Reminiscence
People in chat are fucking idiots. That's all I have to say.
All better now. Whee! ^^
Hm. So. All this mess is obviously my fault. And I really don't know how to fix it. Saying I'm sorry wouldn't really be the truth because I still hurt very much. -sighs.- GOD! ... -bashes head against keyboard, then rests it there.- Alex...forgive me... -sobs.-
Don't know what to say. I really just don't know. ... What went wrong, Alex? Why do you want me to hate you so? Why? -sighs.- I guess this is it. This is the end. The end. The absolute end...to our friendship. ... Because you're so wrapped up in your self-loathing self and suicidal thoughts... I tried to help you. I honestly did. But in the end, it amounted up to nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except more self-loathing. I hope you're happy. Good bye, Alex.
Dude...this really sucks ass... Hiei's leaving Elftown...agai
-sighs.-
People fucking suck. They think it's so funny and just OK to joke around about drugs and shit when it's a serious matter. How the hell... GOD! >_< o;warihg;wairp
-secludes self.-
I don't expect any of you losers to care what is written here today. So, on a lighter, more cheerful note, I've decided to join the marching band for my school next year. I bet you my band director will be just oh-so-thrilled
So...this is my first entry...and it says my diary is sad and empty. Ironically, it will stay sad. I...don't really know how to describe my feelings at the moment. I feel very alone. I haven't talked to my boyfriend in what seems like two weeks due to him having insomnia. -sighs.- I know this probably means nothing to anyone who happens to read this...and if it does, please pay no bother. I am merely just trying to comfort myself some. I am tired of feeling like I'm about to break down and cry... Sadly speaking, I have sometimes thought of breaking up with my beloved Matto-sama, but I could never do that, for I love him too much, and I've tried so hard to get him as my own. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me... I...I can't... I...will wait... -curls up into a ball, mumbling to herself.-