and yet again, fires of freezing natures are filling my insides, seconds ago I was on the verge of tears... my insides wrap up... next year is my last if I pass everything... and I don't know what I want to be... my options aren't open anymore... why... why do we all have to try to find what we want to do... when we're not even 20 yet... I'm not ready ~closes eyes tight~ ugh... I'm not ready to grow up... I'm a little kid at heart... even if I'm not out by next year... I'll have to pay my parent's to live here... no matter what... there's going to be changes... and I don't want my families hand to hold... but I have noone else... I sit here... crying... afraid... growing up... trying to figure out how I want to live my life... how does one plan ahead 10 years or so... when they don't know what they want to do in 5... in 2... in 1? I've already decided... I probably wont go to my own prom... noone to go with... and if I did have a girl... all those looks... I never really got along with anyone my own age... truthfully... I never... really fit in anywhere... I'm the loner... the third wheel... I hang out with younger kids... who aren't... really my friends... I just have nowhere else to go... I'm alone... I'm scared... I'm getting older... I can't stop... I'm scared... so scared...



Take my hand,
I'm not ready to grown up,
I've not yet found my place here,
and yet everyone's forcing me to move on,
I'm losing myself,
when I never even had a chance,
to know who I really am,
don't make me go,
the worlds too big,
and I feel so small,
a frantic ant,
too afraid to come out of my mound,
so alone and afraid of the unknown,
the crushing that I will feel,
tell me to be brave,
but I can't swallow this down,
try not to show it,
but the tears stream out of control,
can't keep this up,
paranoia that wont go away,
I need help,
I need me,
I need something solid,
I need to feel safe,
can you save me,
from my thoughts,
from my fears,
can you save me,
from myself...