What would you do if:
[1) I committed suicide:]
[2) I said I liked you:]
[3) I kissed you:]
[4) I lived next door to you:]
[5) I started smoking:]
[6) I stole something:]
[7) I was hospitalized:]
[8) I ran away from home:]
[9) I got into a fight and you weren't there]
what do you think of my:
[1) Personality:]
[2) Eyes:]
[3) Face:]
[4) Hair:]
[5) Clothes:]
[6) Mannerisms:]
general stuff:
[1) Who are you?]
[2) Are we friends?]
[3) When and how did we meet?]
[4) How have I affected you?]
[5) What do you think of me?]
[6) What's the fondest memory you have of me?]
[7) How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?]
[8) Do you love me?]
[9) Have I ever hurt you?]
[10) Would you hug me?]
[11) Would you kiss me?]
[12) Would you make love to me?]
[13) Would you marry me?]
[14) Emotionally, what stands out?]
[15) Do you wish I was cooler?]
[16) On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?]
[17) Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. ]
[18) Am I loveable?]
[19) How long have you known me?]
[20) Describe me in one word.]
[21) What was your first impression? ]
[22) Do you still think that way about me now?]
[23) What do you think my weakness is?]
[24) Do you think I'll get married?]
[25) What about me makes you happy?]
[26) What about me makes you sad?]
[27) What reminds you of me?]
[28) What's something you would change about me? ]
[29) How well do you know me? ]
[30) Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? ]
[31) Do you think I would kill someone? ]
[32) Are we close?]
[33) Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?]

Hole - Doll Parts

I am doll eyes
Doll mouth, doll legs
I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love him so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday, you will ache like I ache

I am doll parts
Bad skin, doll heart
It stands for knife
For the rest of my life
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do, too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday you will ache like I ache

and yet again, fires of freezing natures are filling my insides, seconds ago I was on the verge of tears... my insides wrap up... next year is my last if I pass everything... and I don't know what I want to be... my options aren't open anymore... why... why do we all have to try to find what we want to do... when we're not even 20 yet... I'm not ready ~closes eyes tight~ ugh... I'm not ready to grow up... I'm a little kid at heart... even if I'm not out by next year... I'll have to pay my parent's to live here... no matter what... there's going to be changes... and I don't want my families hand to hold... but I have noone else... I sit here... crying... afraid... growing up... trying to figure out how I want to live my life... how does one plan ahead 10 years or so... when they don't know what they want to do in 5... in 2... in 1? I've already decided... I probably wont go to my own prom... noone to go with... and if I did have a girl... all those looks... I never really got along with anyone my own age... truthfully... I never... really fit in anywhere... I'm the loner... the third wheel... I hang out with younger kids... who aren't... really my friends... I just have nowhere else to go... I'm alone... I'm scared... I'm getting older... I can't stop... I'm scared... so scared...



Take my hand,
I'm not ready to grown up,
I've not yet found my place here,
and yet everyone's forcing me to move on,
I'm losing myself,
when I never even had a chance,
to know who I really am,
don't make me go,
the worlds too big,
and I feel so small,
a frantic ant,
too afraid to come out of my mound,
so alone and afraid of the unknown,
the crushing that I will feel,
tell me to be brave,
but I can't swallow this down,
try not to show it,
but the tears stream out of control,
can't keep this up,
paranoia that wont go away,
I need help,
I need me,
I need something solid,
I need to feel safe,
can you save me,
from my thoughts,
from my fears,
can you save me,
from myself...