I watched City of Angels all the way through last night... And me being me, a sucker for romanticism, i heard this song near the end, and i couldnt help but like it, even though its so sad... here it is:

November Rain


When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain


Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

A Midsummer Night's Dream, William Shakespeare
Act II, Scene II

Oberon: "What thou seest when thou dost wake,
Do it for thy true-love take,
Love and languish for his sake:
Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,
Pard, or boar with bristled hair,
In thy eye that shall appear
When thou wakest, it is thy dear:
Wake when some vile thing is near."

And on an even shittier note, I was mugged in the New York City Subway today... I decided to leave my knife at homem, which i never do, because i couldnt bring it where i was going... and i get robbed... NYPD, the slowest and shittiest police force in the nation, decided to take their sweet time, and the asshole got away.... and now, i'm fucked.... THANK YOU NYPD!!!! *kills them all*

Well, wide world... I had another vision... *looks awkwardly around* I'm getting tired of them already... It's the same girl, and another i know from the past, who is older, standing in front of an all encompassing black background... They are waering very modern clothes...The one i know, Named net for this vision, is a couple of inches shorter than me, with straight reddish black hair... she looks similar to the other, except her facial features are more sharp... The image twists, and they become one... There is both anger and hate, good and evil, all in one face, that never quite stays the same.... there is laughter, and the image splits, revealing both girls again, With Net saying that she "sees all things and more, boy..." and as the vision fades, she contiues to laugh evilly... There is a very strong sense that both are bound together, and a sense of hatred so deep I cannot begin to understand its reason for even being.....

I had an interesting vision last night.... I spent 5 hours running around, desperately searching for a net connection so i could write it down... forgetting the pen and pocket notebook i keep for such things... I was at an accupuncture thingie yesterday (a few hours later i did yoga!!!! :P), and I was deep in meditation... my head looked like a porcupine, and I was sipping Chai tea when i decided to meditate... Now, I keep pictures of my more important friends here on ET, mainly because I like to... I keep them in my wallet, so I can symbolically carry you all around with me... Well, a certain photo was pulled out, and I meditated with it placed in the third eye location *for those of you who dont know, its the portion right between, and directly above, the eyebrows... here is, in as much detail as i can give without telling you the person's name, my vision:

"Si le monde n'était pas aussi fatigué que ceux qui gouverne il semble être, alors peut-être ce monde serait un meilleur endroit..."

And for the non-french speaking/reading, here is that same statement in both english and spanish:

English: "If the world was not as weary as those who rule it seem to be, then perhaps this world would be a better place."

En Español: "Si el mundo no era tan fatigado como los que lo gobiernan parece ser, entonces quizás este mundo sería un mejor lugar."

if it were true...

"There's another world
inside of me
that you may never see...
There's secrets in
this life that I cant hide..."

hehe....

"So hold me when I'm near,
Right me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
And love me when I'm gone."

haha....

"I'll never let you down,
even if i could,
I'd give up everything
If only for your good (i think thats how it goes)
So hold me when I'm near,
Right me when I'm wrong...
Love me when I'm scared,
I won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gooooooone...."

I love that song, i just cant remember the title... or all the lyrics, apparently...

One of the most grave injustices ever visited upon mankind by the Gods was the power to take another's life, especially our own.
You see, Suicide is something the person doing it doesn't realise hurts people more than he/she ever hurt... I lost my brother Ben, who was 19 at the time, in 1999... And no one knows exactly why he did it. He had so much potential, and so many things going for him... He was handsome, lucky with women... talented with regards to his martial arts, guitar, and poetry.... He was intelligent, and never failed at anything he gave an honest effort into doing...
So why would he kill himself? Only the Gods and Ben know, and no one is telling... But the point I make here today is that pain that my family, and all of Ben's friends (he had many, you know) felt at his death... it will never fade... We get no release from it... Only hurt...
And so it is with the family and friends of every suicide and murder victim, because it was a life ended before its time... and who would like to see a loved one die before it's their time??? No one.

Where there is love,
there is pain.
Where there is an obstacle,
there is an opening.
Where there is sadness,
there is joy.
Where there's a man,
there's a little boy...

I cry myself to sleep at night
wondering if i'll wake up...
Don't know if it'll be alright...
Cuz everything is so fucked up...

Where there is love,
there is pain.
Where there is an obstacle,
there is an opening.
Where there is sadness,
there is joy.
Where there's a man,
there's a little boy...

Trippin cuz I don't give a damn,
about the things you said to me...
Wondering how it got so weird here...
And how i went so crazy....

Where there is love,
there is pain.
Where there is an obstacle,
there is an opening.
Where there is sadness,
there is joy.
Where there's a man,
there's a little boy...

-Looking for help on finishing it.. let me know what you think-

Dreamer

Gazing through the window at the world outside
Wondering will mother earth survive
Hoping that mankind will stop abusing her sometime

After all there's only just the two of us
And here we are still fighting for our lives
Watching all of history repeat itself
Time after time

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days

I watch the sun go down like everyone of us
I'm hoping that the dawn will bring a sign
A better place for those Who will come after us ...
This time

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away oh yeah
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days

Your higher power may be God or Jesus Christ
It doesn't really matter much to me
Without each others help there ain't no hope for us
I'm living in a dream of fantasy
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

If only we could all just find serenity
It would be nice if we could live as one
When will all this anger, hate and biggotry ...
Be gone?

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away
Today
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days
Okay
I'm just a dreamer
Who's searching for the way
Today
I'm just a dreamer
Dreaming my life away
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

Girl Like That-Matchbox 20
you think this life would make me bolder
but I’m running scared is all
I hang on everything about you
you think I’d settle down cuz I’m older
but I roll with the changes is all
I’m same old trailer trash in new shoes

she gets sad when there’s nothing going on
she says it makes her feel damn worthless

(chorus 1)
well you got to think with a girl like that
any love at all, is better than nothing
it’s better than nothing

I put my hands around your shoulder
you’re saying you’re scared is all
I think I know too much about you
you think this life would make me colder
I’d give in to the alcohol
I put my loving arms around you, child

you knew damn well there was nothing going on
is that what makes you feel damn worthless

(chorus 2)
well you got to think with a girl like that
any love is better than nothing
it’s better than nothing
you got to think, with a girl like that
any love at all, is better than nothing
it’s better than nothing

yeah she drags you down and she pulls you up
she pulls you up
says that she’s sorry now but it’s not enough
to pull you up
she’s sorry

I wake up quick just like I want to
yeah but I stay out much too late
you think this life can get a bit unkind but she stays
down till the worth is gone
and pulls you up, she pulls you up,
she pulls you up and over, over

(chorus 2)

(chorus 1)

Well, world, I have arrived in a time and place where everything seems to fall together perfectly... Getting the proper papers together for an ID... Getting everything set to get a passport when my ID goes thru... these are the things that, like a master key, will open the doors of my future... Money, too, of course, but not as much as I would like... I may take up a class in locksmithing :P *Note: I was once arrested, and spent time in jail for, burglar of a business... so if i do get training as a locksmith, it would be most ironic... :P Well, i do have to say that I am running out of computer time, so I'll cut this thing short...

Without you I'm broken,
Shattered on the floor...
Hearing words unspoken
as you walk out of the door...

I cry myself to sleep at night
Wond'ring if you'll hear...
I will only be alright
The moment i have you here...

-just a little poetry to take this thing out... love to you all, and thank you for always being there, all of you... though one above all others has been there the most, and you know who you are ;)

Hey cruel world, how are you all??? :P I'm sitting in a homeless youth center, watching a bunch of people go insane.... sounds like a large group of me's :P I went to some of the places most folks my age go.... clubs, bars, party spots.... and nothing happened but headeaches... no drunks, no buzzes, just headaches... so theres something i have to say: I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU ALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P

Hullo again, everyone... i will be trying to get online as much as possible for the next little while... I am working on doing quite a lot of things, and i really just havent had much time to be online....
Some of you have asked me why i decided to pick back up and travel: its a sort of long story, but to make it short, i had to go..... thats about it... and i wont stop until ive made it somewhere where i can settle down and live happily....
Been having some fucked up dreams lately.... they are so filled with love, and joy... so much so that i rarely want to even wake up.... i just want to sleep, and stay in my dreams... at least there i feel loved... the faces of my loved ones(in my dreams mind you) change, ans do names, but the overwhelming love and happiness stay the same... i just wish my real life could echo my dreams... some of you here have known me for quite awhile... others, not so long... but all of you, I'm sure, have seen just how hard it is for me to keep a relationship going... and long distance ones are even worse... but nevertheless, the heart wants what the heart wants.... amd i just want to not be lonely anymore.... i want to be loved.... settle down, get a successful job, a decent house... maybe even go for that wife and kids family thing.... it does sound appealing.....
Well, its time for me to go... Hugs to al, kisses to some, and have a lot of fun..... just think of me... and never ever forget that you all have a friend, and confidant, in me... no matter how long it takes me to get back online, i will be here for anyone who asks.... <3 Dave

hullo all... sorry about the lapse in log-in's... but ive been a very busy and devious little fellow.... i'm travelling, and thats about it right now... for all who worry, i'm alright... message me... i'll get it eventually...

Love to all....
Dave

The world i'm in is turning extremely topsy-turvy... i wont be getting on very often, until this passes... Adieu, my friends and loved ones, adieu until i come again... I love you all, in my own weird way... and no two people in quite the same way... with that said, i will be coming back to ET, i just dont know when... i am with you all...

Daemeon Arkenyon Zane
AKA
Dave
AKa
Caranquare....

So i went for a job at Burger King... bloody pieces of shit lied again... "Come back on Thursday, at 2:00pm, and see the general manager... theres a few openings, and we could use the help...." Only the GM says: "We arent hiring right now, but I AM taking applications... we might get back to you in thirty days or so...." Stupid tramp.... And her name is Charity... how oxymoronic...