I had another realy wird dream, I was in a school, they where talking about gymnastics/cheerleading. teachers where talking about a campionship, it was going to be tellavised. after the anocement. iwalkaround and over heard two teachers saying well I dont think we will make it past the secround. if we are lucky we will just drop out now. we been dead last for years now. i walk away. I saw a few of my friends, one of them had a cd made, the cd was made by shaggy, but the one lisstening to it was(grr) idk. they told us to make groups I whent in to one of the rooms. for some reason I was hiting a peg in the dood so it would not open agian, I saw a girl i knew, she siad hes wierd livs n a cave i bet after she treid to open the door. I was thnk as she told me not in a cave just a under a rock. then other peolpe whent in though the other door. about 15people some i didnt know ogthe i saw before....the room had boxing bag hanging and severl other thins for fightinmg inm there. I starting walking around the groups people natarly made in the room. some of the girls talking a bout makeing a cheer while doing pull ups, i ask hows giong to hold the bars, none by you can hold it up for more then i min. then i saw two people who could hold it, said to them you two will do it. they said ok. whatever you want. walked by the bag hanging some guy was in talked to me about fighting to the cheer. I decided to be leader. no one was going to take ccharge. so started to think of how we can use the staf's to hold people up and who will hold the , started to put people in the groups i thoought of, by : flexable, gymness, strangth, loadnees, and ever else i thought of. well i cant rember tthe last fivee min of it so i woke up.

what you see from me, is nice and kind to thee.
you do not know the demon inside me.
he rages war, destroys all that I know.
everyday the battel inside.
now I hold him in chain that are tight.
he will wait till time is right.
when I am weary, tired of all night.




nice I may be, kind as one can see.
in these chains he waits.
in the bars, behind the brick.
the demon inside waits to be free.
all he wants is to destroy.
has no mericy, nor care for what is there.
the baltel we wage is every day.
consten war inside me.

the angel of me is what you see.

then you dont know the demon inside me.




I try to be nice
but realy I am not.
Inside me is a demon waiting to get out.
he waits in silence when the time is right.
break those chains that held him tight.
To remove all the things that are light.

just thoughts for now...

THINGS YOU WOULD NEED TO KNOW WHEN TALKING TO ME.


1. As much as you think my mind is in the gutter, it really is
2. I realy dont care about you ex-buy friends. you can talk about then, but mostly I will not say much about it.
3. I like to get a hug or a small kiss with out a reason
4. Don't argue with me when I say how you look.
5. The way I treat you is the way I want to be treated.
6. when I say some thing, I mean it.
7. that time of the month, dont need to more then that.
8. Please dont send Are you there? messages, talk to me or ask about me. I working wheile I am here. It take me time to get back to you.
9. If I am talking to you, log out when you have to go. that way I know.
10. I am very open minded, and like talking about any thing.
11. easy way to get me to talk is to ask me things. I'm not good at starting a conversion.
12. I dont make bets, well not for money. I tend to win too
13. when you ask me how you look? I will say what I think.
14. I dont know much about music, band name or songs.
15. I do like a lot of music, I do sing very quitly with the ones I know.
16. you don't have to apologize when you think you did something "wrong."
17. I do things randomly, even say thing randomly to pleople.
18. try to be spontaneous, it's fun that way.
19. Be care full what you ask me, I just might do it....
20. Dont try to hurt me on purpose, what goes around comes back around.
21. don't ask me 3 things; age, real name, where I live. if I wanted you to know I would tell you. I dont want to know those thing from you.
22. I do not care about what other people think about how I look.
23. If you send me a q's list, answer it with your own answers first. you can ask me any thing...
24. Dont think I am a nice person, I am very mean inside.
25. I am crazy, just ask the 3 of us.
26. I dont like excuse, what happens, happens.
27. I love food, and cooking.
28. If you talk about gay things, I am a guy, so please dont talk about guys kissing guys or things like that. it's good for them, but I just dont care to talk about it.
29. once I say never talk to me, dont.
30. One I say "I give up" when arugeing, that just means I dont want to arugee. dose not mean I will forget about it.
31. Try this if you live with a guy, you want the seat down when he is done, put the seat up when your done.

had some fun with yahoo avatras.

her presents lights up the room.
her smile can warm any heart,
her heart so warm as life moves though it.
my hand in her's
not to leave.
for I am your's,
for all of time.
even in age,
even in death.
I am your's forever more.

I smile,
when I can,
let life pass me bye,
as time slow around me,
an dreams become reality.

As You Sleep

Closed my eyes just to see.
Across the land I may be.
I go to you in the night.
Looked at you as you sleep.
All curled up, with your pillow so tight.
Laying there dreaming what could be.
I lay there next to you.
My chest to your back, breathing on your neck.
Our legs stuck together. My arms around you.
I feel a heart beat from your chest, even heat as you sleep.
There I stay till you wake. Not to move for I must sleep.




You feel my breath on your neck. feel the heat on your back.
hear you heart,from your chest.

Closed my eyes just to see.
Looked thruough yours, as you sleep.
Laying there dreaming of what could be.
All curled up, with your pillow so tight.
I go to you in the night

lust

Sweet am I, you are sweeter then one can buy.
none may have, what you may be.
All I want is a taste of thee.
Bit your lip, chew on an ear.
Lick of the neck, what can be next.
Kiss your lips, rub your chest.
Lick your breast, touch you thigh, bite your stomach.
I watch your eyes as I Kiss you every where.
Taken off your cloths, none to bare, mine as well, for I have to share.
My skin against yours, my back is here. My tongue kissing in there.
Scratch it if you dare.
Make you mark to know I was here.
I bite you every where.
To no surprise, I know what you want, you want me here, or even there.
You will even take me every where.
When I bite I leave no trace, still it lingers even now, how you taste.
I want you now; I want you here.

If I was in despair,
Would they care?
If I was no longer here,
Would they shed a single tear?
If I should fall,
Would they call?
If I was depressed,
Would they think of me as a pest?
If I was in danger,
Would they become a stranger?
If I was taunted,
Would they make me feel wanted?
If I moved elsewhere,
Would they care?

from [Crimson Angel] page

What can bring you back from this death?

This pain I feel, it is yours.
It hurts so much that my life stands still.
My heart is weeping, yours has stoped.
Life is gone, soul no more.
All I do is weep even more.

Standing there over you.
I ask my self what to do.
Hold you tight, hold you here.
Got to know, are you still there.

Healing your wounds, makeing amends.
your lips to mine giving you breath.
My hands on your chest beating your heart.
Can I keep you from falling apart.


my eyes run dry, no longer a tear.
All I have is a fear.
driffting from me
This is done, I have none.
If I fail, we will die.
Hear my cry,
Join my soul.

I took this pain.
I filled your lungs.
I feel your heart.
Now give hope to your soul.
Lets make us whole

I hear your voice
It in my head
Hold on dear, i'm almost there.
Open your eyes, now sruprized.
"You see me there"


"Wanting to bring you back here too."
"Wanting to bring back what is not here."
"will my touch make your heart beat."
"My touch move your blood"
"give you hope in your soul"
"take from you this pain"
"My love of your life"
*"Will my touch cause you to cringe away"
*"Or will it cause your body to sway"

(ADD A NEW LINE AND SEND BACK)
GETTING IDEAS

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: VanDeVal
-- Nickname: Tc
-- Birthdate:
-- Birthplace:
-- Hair color: brown
-- Height: 5'6
-- Righty or lefty: both





Layer two
-- Your heritage: 25%native american/german/duch/irish/mut.
-- The shoes you wore today: dont like shoes
-- Your weakness: lost causes
-- Your fears: none i dont like
-- Your perfect pizza: 10 lbs pizza had to eat with a spoon
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: getting over my dilexea words and shaps letter carp.





LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused phrase: "i dont know"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: *you will have to ask me this one*
-- Your best physical feature: Agility
-- Your bedtime: sleep whats that...
-- Your most missed memory: the garage


LAYER FOUR
-- Soda: none
-- Fast food joint: none
-- Single or group dates: both
-- Adidas or Nike: its shoes
-- Chocolate or vanilla: both but icecream then vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: hot chocolate/cappuccino





LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: some times
-- Sing: only tone dogs can hear.
-- Take a shower every day: yes
-- Have a crush(es):
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes it can hurt
-- Want to go to college: yes
-- Like school: sometimes
-- Want to get married: yes
-- Believe in yourself: when ever i can.
-- Get motion sickness: not yet
-- Think you're attractive: other may say so.
-- Think you're a health freak: not even close
-- Get along with your parents: some times
-- Like thunderstorms: every one of them. the best time to take a walk.
-- Play an instrument: not good...

LAYER SIX
In the past 6 months...
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoked: yes
-- Done a drug: (this includes asprin): yes, if not then no
-- Made out: yes
-- Gone on a date: yes
-- Gone to the mall: no
-- Eaten sushi: no
-- Been on stage: no
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: yes
-- Gone skinny-dipping: yes
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: only food.





LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
-- Been caught doing something: no
-- Been called a tease: yes
-- Gotten beaten up: fights no one wins.
-- Shoplifted: food
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no


LAYER EIGHT
-- Numbers and names of children: Alexander(1)
-- Describe your dream wedding: no idea
-- How you want to die: smokeing a blunt
-- Where do you want to go to college: where i can
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: me
-- What country would you most like to visit: many of them






LAYER NINE
In the preferred sex...lots of
-- Best eye color:
-- Best hair color:
-- Short or long hair:
-- Best height:
-- Best weight:
-- Best articles of clothing:
-- Best first date location:
-- Best first kiss location: any where on the body





LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 7
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 3
-- Number of CDs that I own:
-- Number of piercings: 1
-- Number of tattoes: want just one
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 2
--Number of scars on my body: more then I could count
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I never regret


[A curious know-it-all] got this list from

YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS::
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
__________________________________________________
No matter how random, revealing, rude, or pointless
__________________________________________________
I promise to answer them 100% truthfully
__________________________________________________
All questions are COMPLETELY confidential - send to my inbox

got from some one eles

nothing i can give to mend a heart, nothing i can do do to give life too you, all i can leave is some tissue, to wipe your eyes and say bless you. can not stop your mouth from speaking, i can't stop your ears from listening, i can leave you this mirror for you too see the truth, but then i cant whisper in your ear the answer you so whis to hear, for love can never be found, it can only be given, all i can give is a rose too you , for i am just a Random Member passing though.


TO:
[bubblemae] Diary:

days keep on going my heart keeps on dying.my eyes keep on crying.my mouth keeps on lying to myself.my ears keep on wanting another answer.why?why?i ask nothing is as it seems.im not happy im not dead what more do you want?i can't stop the feeling.i can't stop the touch of this life.i pray for help,i pray for love,can't find an escape.wish for a different life.help me!help me!