[Aki Neko]'s diary
Written about Tuesday 2007-06-05
Written: (6382 days ago)
Im glad at least one person dosnt hate me for falling for them. I'm REALLY happy for that. Ryan is being an ass, and I have to play his team tomarrow.I'm going to embarres the shit out of myself, like always.And the team isnt going to help either.
My friends Colleen and Thomas took my advice and started going out. Now Colleen wants to go back out with her Ex, and Thomas dosnt have a clue...I think.Oo....I screw up everything.^ ^;;
I wish I knew what it felt like to have someone to love me back....If I ever get a boyfriend, Ill treat him like hes the world. Ill love him as long as he'll love me. And, hopefully can have a shoulder to cry on then.
I hope I'm not thinking to selfishly....
and the one reason i love elftown:
cuz you can mask your feelings.
and the reason i hate elftown:
cuz i cant see the person im talking to,or be there to make them feel better.
damnit...
im really hating myself right now.
i feel like all i can do is mess up.ryan probly thinks im stalking him, since he saw me at the crosswalk.just the way he looked at me was....like zach all over again.i can barly keep myself from just walking over to him and just talking to him. i know he wont want to since he has a girlfriend.*si
with all this, AND my dad being in jail, i have to lie to make my mom happy, and to make myself not feel bad. is that selfish? i dont want to move with just my mom and dad. and so far away let alone. i just told paul it too. he didnt like it all. ill miss them all to much. i cant leave. i just wanna cry right now. i feel like iv turned into a crybaby.its all i did for 4 days last week. i hated it. and the teachers were no help either."Ok, you got 30 seconds to feel better and come in."they said. i stayed out there for 10mins.
*sigh* this is all too hard. and i think that one guy in NM(keeping his name to myself) likes me too. he keeps asking me about my "bf" and since i dont have one, if he could be it. im willing, if i could get the right kind of phone to call him with.
i just dont know. no ones giving me a chance.
http://www.you
how come when i was watching this, and it got to the part of when inu no taisho saved inuyasha mom, i heard a baby crying in the back of my mind??? oh well...but...i felt like i wanted to cry too. along with....i diddnt cry when i saw the movie...oh well. maybe its just me right now.
neeeeeeeeeeh..
http://www.you
BLEH!:p
to my love:
Tell me babe, how many do I shed my tears?
Every Heart Every Heart is not a gentle yet
Shall I do? I can never say my loneliness
Every Heart doesn't know so what to say oh what to do
(I) was afraid of darkness cause I felt that I was left alone
So I prayed for help to (the) distant million stars
Round & Round the planets revolve round the sun
And we always seek after love and peace Forever more
Growing growing woe baby we can work it out
Look up at the sky Every Heart is shining all today
Show me now, What kind of smile do I come across
Every Heart Every Heart can take a step towards the dreams
All of us what to take a lasting happiness
Whenever you feel sad, I wanna hold you & give you a sound sleep
Someday Every Hearts gonna free and easy
We have peace of mind
Someday all the people find the way to love
Goes & Goes the time goes on we are not alone
We live on together and we will find some precious things
Sometime we will smile sometime we will cry somehow
Don't forget believing yourself - Tomorrow's never die
There is the warm heart places on my mind
In my earlist day's there and it's so sweet
There are many stars they have talk with me so kind
They say yes always time's a friend of mine so shine
Round & Round the planets revolve round the sun
And we always seek after love and peace Forever more
Growing growing woe baby we can work it out
Look up at the sky Every Heart is shining all today
Goes & Goes the time goes on we are not alone
We live on together and we will find some precious things
Sometime we will smile sometime we will cry somehow
Don't forget believing yourself - Tomorrow's never die
you know what? i think destiny is tounting me...i was looking for my inuyasha notebook, and i came across the pic i did of kuro...SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH I HATE LOVE!!!DX
damnit...i thought i was over him...guess not...and i know, i was gone for a while.i was in temecula.*sigh
http://www.you
wow, this brings back memories...
OH MY FUCKING GOD! I SAW ZACH AT THE FAIR!!!!*dies*
ok...i might go o the chcarnival today....if it dosnt rain. i want to talk to him, but im so afraid of what hes going to say again. i diddnt like last night at all.....my body hates me i think to....when i tried to cry last night, when everyone was finally asleep, the tears wouldnt come out!!!> < i guess a soul wants to cry when it wants to cry... ........i NEED to get all this out of my head.....
i walk in th rain so no one sees me crying
i stay in the dark so one one sees me dying
i dont know what to say or do
so instead can i stay with you??
-amane ryo
damnit!i cant fucking stand this anymore!!!im crying!im not soposed too! my tears want to come out, but i need them inside until tonight!!I HATE THIS! why am i so damned!?!?!
http://www.you
wont anyone?
... i miss him.why?i never met the friggen guy...yet i feel like crying...all my friends are always talking about their new boyfriends... or how they just broke up. i did that once.ONCE. and hated it. iv been shot down(on purpos)once. iv shoten down...i think three times...i guess its coming back at me.but i...guess i did hurt them. i diddnt mean to though...i just...said"i think of you more as a friend"....dam
fuck... I LOVE HIM!!!*cries*
damnit...i still cant get him out!!! > < ....im going to go to a carnival today. i wont be back till late...sorry. and....i dont know if im going to ba on as much as i usually am...which most of you wont even notice....all these tears in my heart are filling up...they might come out soon...i hope not...
i diddnt know it would hurt this much....no one will want to see me tonight now.....
damnit...i diddnt know it would make me wanna cry so bad....*holdin