[Aki Neko]'s diary
Hey guys, I have to go...
Thank you all SO much for today...you helped me out so much...Hopeful
been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all
This isnt fair....USE ME AS A PUNCHING BAG STILL!!! I HAVENT FALLING OUT OF THE RING YET!!!Come on! Give me your best shot! With something Sooooo grand I thought AGAIN was real, and then have it shot down right before it even got anywhere, I CAN TAKE IT! COMEON ASSWIPES!!! COME ON FUCKING GET ME!!!!!Silent, you wait for your turn...Ill mess you up too...I knew you shouldnt have said anything! You said suggest, not fucking bully him! Now look, you happy, Big Brother????
FUCK THIS!!! This inst Fucking Fair! What did I do wrong!? TELL ME DAMNIT! TELL ME NOW!! Ill mess up the next person to get on my nerves...A-FUC
I fucking waited to long to cry, AGAIN, now they wont come out...Im tired of this...It isnt fair...TWIST THE KNIFE SOME MORE! COME ON!!ASSHOLES!!
I kepp trusting the wrong people, what will happen next? It WONT be RP rape next!?! THIS ISNT FAIR! I FUCKING LOVED HIM!! I thought for once I had something to look foreward to, goddamnit....W
Written about Thursday 2007-08-16
Written: (6308 days ago)
SILENTY! I thought you were my brother...You too! What the fuck is wrong with you people! Anm I just a punching bag here to?!?!
oh..god..I know I promised not to tell you this but...god I dont care, here is what he sent me just now.
Letter number: 70833427
From: [Evolution X]
To: [Krissy H]
Sent mail 2007-08-16 20:06:51
Never read before
Comment to: 70833369
I didn't want to be her boyfreind. I wanted to stay with her and be her freind but not be her boyfreind... then silent came and told I was breaking her heart by not being with her. I just wanted her to be happy.
Beak my heart!? No you werent! I was happy eigther way! LYING FUCKING SON A FUCKING BITCH!!!
What the fuck did I do wrong NOW!?!? Tom...Why didnt you at least say something...I woulda...FUCKE
Written about Wednesday 2007-08-15
Written: (6310 days ago)
I fucked up...Again? I thought nothing was going to get me out of this mood....GOD DAMNIT!!! I knew I shouldhave asked before I gave Aura the pic...God damnit!!! I dont even remember saying anything about not likeing Debby...I trust he sooo much...Why would I...?
Im sorry if I did anything wrong, just...i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. They all know there is...i fuck up all the time. Now watch, Ill do something to Tom, and he'll end up hating me....Happens every fucking time...I already scared him once with talking about Paul....
Maby Im just not ment to do anything right...? What the fuck is wrong with me.....
I love you Tom....I dont know for how long you'll love me back, But Im glad you do right now...Im sorry...
Fucking father, fucking gaurds, WHAT THE HELL NEXT!?!? I go home and see my dog dead!?!?*Slaps self for jynxing it* *Sigh*...What the hell is going on? Only personevery to (Im...pretty sure) Say he likes me back, and we can never even see eachother...
Fatchers calling me a "Mother fucker""bitch"
Ok, another "byploar" mood....
Im sooooooo loving this moment right now, and completely loathing it.He said he liked it....*Passes out* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now for teh bad.
About your report on [oddsonic]:
You seem to have engaged in some kind of role-play with that member where the two of you are simulating a rape.
I suggest you stop engaging in such games and simply tell her to leave you alone instead.
Furthermore the two of you seem to know each other personally and seem to be involved in some fight over boyfriends. We can't solve your personal problems for you, we're Elftown Guards rather than police or parents.
If she has hacked into an account, I will need more information who, how, when, what and proof etc.
/Guards
Well what the fuck do you think I said? "Oh yeah, do it harder"??? Of course I said "Get off! Leave me alone!!" ET is starting to get dangerous now....I mean, rp rape, sure, its through a comp, but you should still do SOMETHING.And the messages I sent her hand the fucking username, date, and goddamn number!!I mean WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Do something about hacking, goddamnit! You got all the fucking proof right there. BAN ME then, see if I care! But thats just not fucking right! Lainie had her account hacked and they say they need "More proof"?????? READ THE DAMN MESSAGES I SENT!!!I saved them for that reason!!!!!You think I LIKED having a girl talk about me being "Her little whore" And thinking about her....SHES JUST SICK AND THEY NEED TO BAND HER FOR SEXUAL HARRASMENT AND HACKING!!!!For all know, she can hack my account next! But poor Lainie...now I have to watch what times shes on so I can know if Sarah hacked again....FUCK! And her name SUCKS!!H'S ARE THE FIRST SOUND IN WHORE, BITCH!!!!!!
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Written about Monday 2007-08-13
Written: (6312 days ago)
OK!Lets take roll call:
Thomas jeferson?
Here~!
Benjiman franklen?
Here~!
Jhon Footpenis?
Its Handcock now!!!!
He Says - She Says
He said . . I don't now why you wear a bra you've
got nothing to put in it. She said .. . . You wear
pants don't you?
He said ... . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . . What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you? She said . . Turn sideways
and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows
me everywhere" Written just below it . . . " I do not!"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government
bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
A. They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
I have to now you guys! I love you!!!Ill try to be on later!!!
This song is a remix and I LOVE IT TO DEATH!!!!!(Scary, Iv never liked eminem...Oo)
[Introduction]
Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...
[Verse 1]
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
[Verse 2]
I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
Written about Sunday 2007-08-12
Written: (6313 days ago)
I have to go guys...Ill see if I can get on, if not...yeah...
And If Im not back in 3 days(Which I should be by then) I got bit by a snake...I love you guys! Goodnight!!!
Evo...i just wanted to say Im happy to have met you.^_^ Sweet dreams while Im gone.
PS: While Im gone, can you guys read this and give me feedback? I worked hard on it:
10 things THE perfect guy would do:
1)Someone who will be there when you cry.......and cry with you
2)Someone who will pay for your food........ev
3)Someone who will pay for your clothes...even though you just got your paycheck
4)Someone who will look into your eyes and slowley come in for the kiss.........A
5)Someone who will always be there for you.......even though theyr on vaction a 100 miles away
6)No matter what mood your in, theyll still hug and kiss you, like it was nothing happenening...
7)If you EVER get in a fight, he'll automaticly make you feel bad by putting ALL the blame on himself.....th
8)If he ever found out you were hurting your self, he'd never leave your side...As he was doing before
9)He'll say he loves you more than the world, and that hed buy it for you....even though he knows all you want is him
10)He'll say I love you......AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I cant believe this happened....ag
But, I REALLLLLLLLLY like him.....*Sigh* I just dont think Im made for anyone, I was an extra in the bach...
Whats wrong with me lately????
Is it that IV gotten to trust NO ONE?
Or is that NO ONES gotten to trust ME?
I guess Im just having another moment or whatever....Bu
Forgive me if you can, I dont care if you do or dont.I just feel like shit right now, its another selfish moment, let it pass....My hearts just giving my brain a hard time. I dont know if I like Ryan or not, I dont know what to do on here anymore about situations like that. Iv just....gone through (MY OWN!!NOT YOURS) hell lately...I have to call a friends boyfriend to see if I can get him to spill on Ashley, and if he IS cheating on her, I might not be on for a while, (MABY) either from injuries or lack of emotion. And, one last thing, STOP RANTING AT ME! RANT TO ME IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO!!!
Ok??
</end random mood rant>
PLEASE JOIN The Hidden World!!!! WE NEED MORE RPERS!
Nevermind that about my mom, she just wants me around so I have to go through what she dose.....If HE wasnt around, we'd all be happy....It was so peaceful when he was gone.
Again....My dad is SUCK AN ASSHOLE!!!!!
Sometimes I actually think that he threatens my mom since she gives into it so much and takes it out on me still.....I liked it better when he was still in jail...I HATE IT HERE. I KNOW Im going to die sooner than Im soposed to when we move...
I dont know why he cant just stop being a pathatic asswipe and accept he DOSNT control us...I do, I hate that man. Only thing hes good for is making money....
Sometimes I think he never wanted me...My mom is only mean to me when he gets her started. Sometimes I just want to slap the FUCK out of him...BASTARD!
<end/dad rant>
Written about Friday 2007-08-10
Written: (6315 days ago)
Ok...I fucked up AGAIN...
I was talking to some old friend who werent on my list any more, and I THINK he was playing...but her boyfriend told me he killed himself. Me not knowing, since with the whole 6th sense thing and night talker shit, was playing around with her and I asked her if he really killed himself. She left right after. I FUCKED UP AGAIN! AND IT HASNT RAINED YET! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!? I thought he was kidding....I think I said something I shouldnt have...>> IM SORRY KYO AND KISAAAAA!!!!!!
*Cries horribly*
Written about Thursday 2007-08-09
Written: (6316 days ago)
