ivan
ivanivanivan.
he has no idea, does he?

just for the record;
idon'thateyou,mr.play-hard-to-get,ijustwishyouweresomuchcloserthanyoureallyareandthenwhenyouarecloserirealizejusthowmuchidon'tliketobearoundyou.

but i still love you.

yousucksohardcore.

just to clear up some of the confusion
i AM alive.
=/
thankyougoodbye.

I'mgonnagotrytosleep.
Bye.

I can't sleep.

I've been really tired
for the past week.
I need sleep.
But I can't force myself to sleep.
Fuckin' weird dreams.

I wish
I were
as hardcore
as I try
to make
it seem.

IthinkImightbefake.

It doesn't surprise me when they fight anymore.
I just can't wait to move out.

P.S.
I met a girl who likes Jawbreaker
and it was an instant crush.

[I think I'm kidding about the crush thing, but regardless, she's radical.]

Fucking emo kids.

I hate everyone.
Except Wes.
And Nate.
But other than that..
I really really hate people.

Did I forget to mention
that heroin
is an evil drug?
But
I love it.
So.
Fuckyou.

Now I know why
whatshisface
gave me that hideous look
when I was leaving.
You said
that you wouldn't fuck me.
And you did anyway.
Sorry for talking so much about it.
But I can't get over how fucked up the situation is.

P.S.
There's about 5 entries for today.
Scroll down, read some more.

I'm a sucker for black guys.
FuckyouGoodbye.

By the way,
since I have so much
to talk about..
I really can't stand the way I hate
every Puerto Rican person I meet.
Because
I love being Puerto Rican.
But
I hate Puerto Ricans.

You bit my fucking lip and it hurt.
Also, I have bite marks on my shoulder or close around there.
And..
I have random bruises on my leg.
So.

I don't like him.
But..
I like the way he is.
Which doesn't make sense.
Because at first
he was an asshole.
"Take off your god damn pants"
Thanks.
When he's drunk it's funny.
And I think..
When he's drunk is the only time I like him.
But..
I've only seen him drunk.
The other times
didn't count.
Because..
I don't want them to.

I want everything to be the same.
But this morning, I woke up.
I spent last night in an hotel room with a zillion other people, most of them guys.
I spent last night listening to Marilyn Manson's best album,
Mechanical Animals.

I'm dirty.
And people love me.
And people who don't love me
absolutely love to hate me.
Because they can't be me.
Fuck you.
I really hate people.
Except maybe..
A couple of people.
Besides that..
I'm a motherfucking elitist.

I'd like to say it was cool and sensual.
But it wasn't.
It was filthy and raw.

And I fucking loved it.

Oh honestly, I was begging for more.
And it was adorable.
And then I hated myself afterwards.