[Gem In Eye]'s diary
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^ MY IDOL!!!!!! ^
Written about Thursday 2006-06-08
Written: (6742 days ago)
[please go to this wiki if you know me what so ever...its importamt to me ok?]
and if you see someone's name and ur not sure if i can actually get a hold of that person...call/
nikki's b-day 06
girl #1: my world has become distorted, can you help me?
girl #2: my world has turned upside down, can you help me?
girl #3: my world is has disappeared, can you help me?
girl #1: my friends are my world
girl #2: my life is my world
girl #3: my lover is my world
girl #1: my world has become clear, because we talked
girl #2: my world is right side up, because I looked at it from a different veiw
girl #3: my world is lost forever more
(do not steal this; it isnt some posting i saw somewhere and took! i made it ok?)
well he did it.....he really did, and there's nothing i can do about it now. it's kind weird, cas i had all these poems and pix and stories ready for elftown....and now he's gonna think i obsessed about it and wrote them all for him. lol, talk about irony and coincidence...
i'm not going to lie though, [A Reply To Good-bye] was written right after we broke up (...literally 5 minutes after i got the message) and the poem directly under that was written about one month into our relationship..
...and just b/c my some of my poems are about suicide doesnt mean IM suicidal, and just b/c a poem is about cutting, doesnt mean i sat there cutting before/after/d
A Reply To Goodbye
You made me laugh when I only could cry
You helped me to live when I wanted to die
You made me a better person overall
You helped me to make the darkness fall
But that better person is now a kid
She left the same night that you did
You did not want to, but you made me cry
The both of us still love you, though you said goodbye
Questioning...
Will you make it go away?
Can you promise to not lie?
Will you protect me from my pain?
I ask these questions, but do you know why?
I do because I need your word.
You see, I’ve been hurt more than once.
I ask even though it seems absurd.
Each time hurt, I felt like a dunce.
I can’t explain these feelings for you.
I want to make sure this will work.
See, these things are completely new.
I have to make sure that deceit doesn’t lurk.
Written about Sunday 2006-06-04
Written: (6746 days ago)
A single tear, tinged and blood-filled
slid down her cheeks she sat in the puddle
of her pain, anger, and misery released,
and she smiled though death inside had increased.
The blood flow had corrected the millions of lies.
The coming sleep erased the red in her eyes.
The warmth had stifled her sobs and her cries,
and scenes flashed before her, to no surprise.
Now with the pain gone and her body gone numb,
a man walked in and then screamed in terror.
He realized that her sad soul was now gone,
so with a knife at hand, in death he did join her.
Never Leave Me
Despite the way I act,
or what I’ve come to say,
forget my horrible past
and what happened every day.
I never want to lose you
or have to say good-bye.
I hope I’ve never hurt you.
I pray I’ve never lied.
I know I can be rude
and sometimes play a game.
I’m not always in good moods.
You probably think I’m lame,
but I want you for forever.
I want to hold you Tightly,
our bond to never sever.
and you to hold me Nightly.
cold as ice
but inside burning
this won’t suffice
when I’m yearning
now insides frozen
flesh soft, hot
heart is broken
left to rot
pale flesh, blood rush, wrist is offered willingly
last hope, can’t cope, wanting sorrow-erasing
young blood, sweet blood, slowly spilling warmly
mind fade, dreams made, steadily draining misery
(and NO its not about cutting, its about a life being willingly offered to a vampire)
Eyes wide open, still can not see.
Pupils dilated, but blind as can be.
--------------
I cry and I scream
in this nightmarish dream
--------------
At Fault
When you’re in the vast black,
and you’re sadly crying alone,
no one there has got your back;
you’re in a broken home.
When you’re all they’ve got,
but you’re just as screwed,
their chances for life are shot;
you then get treated rude.
You honestly wish to save them,
as well as save yourself,
but their heart you can not mend;
so then falls their physical health.
If you could choose who would live,
you would choose that same person.
When your love is all to give,
their mind then turns to curse them.
lie awake
die in a dream
loudest voice
silent scream
lost again
found the floor
turn off the lights
lock the door…soon…
written by my bestest friend [BMX]
also by [BMX]:
Questions, answers,
the cure is the cancer.
The itch is the pain.
The love is the hurt.
The tears fall like rain,
but kill all the dirt.
Corrupted in the mind.
Killed by a memory,
burned by no heat...
Written about Thursday 2006-06-01
Written: (6749 days ago)
ahhhh, my best short story ever..... i think i wrote this over christmas break this year:
Once upon a time, there was a girl of fifteen. She fell in love, not with one, but two. One of the men knew it for sure. She told him every time she saw him. They had fallen into such a love, the bond was unbreakable, or so they thought. He told her, that she was all he wanted in life, and that one day she’d be his wife. They would grow old and have children who would be blessed with a love as grand as their parents'. Then they would have kids with the same blessing and would grow old with their lovers. They both knew they were made for each other. He loved her and she knew it. Then one day, when things were growing astray, they agreed to leave each other. For the health and safety, so they could be together again later. Things had gone so wrong and neither knew why, but they knew they’d be together again, someday. She loved him so much, and he knew it. She loved another, but the other knew as well, she was almost certain. The way he used to hold her, so sweet. The way he would caress her, hug her, smile was so comforting. She knew he was for her, was at least a part of her. He hinted and suggested that she was imagining, but when he didn’t pay attention, he told her otherwise. She would hold him, and touch him, and smile, and laugh, but he would do the same. She knew if she waited too long she would lose him forever. So she decided one fateful day, to make her move. She was ready and knew “this is it.” She walked up to him expecting to see the same old guy. She looked into his eyes and saw a happiness there that had never existed. She asked him why he was so joyous, with a smile of course. She tried to hug him, but he was too jittery. He told her, that the girl of his dreams had gotten so close to him. He told her, the dream girl was the one. She held her hopes up so high and asked him what he meant. She knew that he would say he loved her so much, and would see the dream girl was she. He opened his mouth and said, “The dream girl, the one I’m in love with, has been right here all along. I thought I would have to search for her, but I realized she was here all along.” She looked deeply into his eyes to connect with his soul, and she shuddered. She saw him, not looking into her but at her. He said the dream girl’s name, and it was not the name she was expecting. All this time she loved him, and she turned to him, but he loved someone else. She pretended like she was so happy for him, but inside she was dying. After that, every one asked her if she was okay, and her reply was “Trust me, I’m fine; I’m okay I promise.” She became a walking shell of sadness. Still they would all ask, even the ones she loved. Slowly, the one with the dream girl faded from her, more and more. He asked her less and less. Finally she reached to him, and tried to explain, but no words left her. He asked her how she was. Instead of insisting she was okay, and promising, she said, “Trust me, I’m not fine; I’m not okay, I promise.” Then she turned and walked away. He didn’t follow her, and that satisfied her, but inside she wished he had. He just sat here and watched her leave; he watched her disappear. The further she got form him, the harder it was to control herself. The further she got from him, the closer to death she grew. The further she got from him, the more the tears came. Once she was out of sight, the boy left in the opposite direction. He grew even more confused as to who he really loved. The girl ran to her old love, to see if he had been true, and wanted to hold him, but he had changed. He did not love her anymore. She ran home, and pulled out all the old notes her latest love had written her. She read all his emails, all his poems, and remembered all of their old memories. She searched for any shreds of the love she gave him returned. She saw hints, and no solid thoughts of him loving her. So, she turned to her collection of his safety pins, and the one razor he gave her. She thought, “I’m so sorry, but I must break my promise to you. I know we vowed to live and die together, but I made this promise for a different reason. I made it because I loved you. You made it because you like me. I’m so sorry, but know that now I will finally be okay; I will finally be fine. Know that I love you more than my own life, which is why I did this……for you.” then she began that slow process that would mean that soon she would die. That same night he had so many nightmares of the recent pain he caused her. He could sleep no more, so he logged onto his computer. He knew she was gone forever, so he was surprised when he saw she sent him an email. It had been sent to him just 5 minutes before he woke up. He opened and read it. He read it, and reread it, over and over again. “You are my world. You are my heaven and hell, my life and death. I love you, so much. I love you more than I love myself, more than my life. Without your love, I would die. It’s hard to die with you, if my only cause of death is the lack of your love, when it’s clear there is no way it will make you die. Once again, without your love, I would die.” He thought to himself of how he did really love her, and without her love he would die. Still alive, he realized, she really did love him as much as he had loved her, all this time. “Without her love, I’d die, but without her I’d die as well, and I’ve lost her. She’s gone forever and it’s my fault. Well at least she has my love now. At least she can keep on living……wait, she had lost my love already. Oh no!” It had finally clicked why she had sent him the email. She lost his love, and lost her life. He jumped on his bike and took off. He didn’t stop peddling until he reached her door. He leapt off the bike and crashed through her front door, where he ran all the way to her room. He saw her sitting up against her bed, on the floor. He walked slowly up to her and whispered softly “I LOVE YOU”. He smiled, “I do. I really do. I love you. With all my heart, I love you.” He crouched down and looked into her eyes. They were filled with tears, but cold. They were cold, and lifeless. Holding his breath he reached towards her and grabbed the blanket she had snuggled up with. He pulled it off and fell backwards. Her white skin was whiter and covered with small scrapes and cuts. There were three safety pins strewn out around her and one razorblade clutched in her hand. he sat next to her and pulled her toward him. though the blood and quiet indicated that she was dead, she was still breathing. She whimpered and he held her close. “Remember when we said we could never live alone? Do you remember when I promised you that you could take me with you, when you died? Well now we die together.” Though she was fading fast, she heard him and barely moving, told him she loved him. Her arm, so weak and shaking, pulled itself up and clutched the collar of his hoodie. She leaned her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. He softly pulled the razor out of her other hand, and pushed it again his neck. “I love you, and I always will.” Quickly he pushed harder and deeper, then sliced the blade across his neck. As the blood began to pour down from his thorau, he leaned his head onto the top of hers. Soon thereafter, he, too, grew still and cold. His other hand still wrapped around her shoulders, her hand still clutched to his collar, they slept. As their memories rested, they never forgot what they lost, and they never awoke, even after the seasons ended and the rain stopped.
(--This story was written for the fact that I knew it was a beautiful story. I wrote it while listening to “My Chemical Romance” ’s I’m Not Okay (I Promise) and “Greenday” ’s Wake Me Up When September Ends. Some of the beginning and some of the ending have a few lines that may be similar to the songs’ lyrics. I sincerely hope the artists do not mind. For the readers, the story is not based off of a true story, but rather, based off of a story that may become true. This is a story that is morbidly bittersweet. Though the story is dark and depressing from the beginning to the end, it is a perfect love story, and if it becomes true, the merrier I shall be, simply because of how strong the love is. At the same time, I sincerely wish for it to remain a piece of fictional literature and nothing more.)
Written about Thursday 2006-06-01
Written: (6749 days ago)
Some more old work:
Will you make it go away?
Can you promise to not lie?
Will you protect me from my pain?
I ask these questions, but do you know why?
I do because I need your word.
You see, I’ve been hurt more than once.
I ask even though it seems absurd.
Each time hurt, I felt like a dunce.
I can’t explain these feelings for you.
I want to make sure this will work.
See, these things are completely new.
I have to make sure that deceit doesn’t lurk.
here's some old work:
Sick and suicidal.
Sick of all the grief.
Do not have much time left.
So I’ll make this brief.
Inside my heart is broken.
I always bleed and cry.
I can’t seem to stop shaking.
Inside I want to die.
IF YOU KNOW ME YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS FOR:
~~I'm your vampire queen~~
~~You're my demon of dread~~
~~I'm your angel of dead~~
~~Minions, caught in a flood,~~
~~trampling through blood.~~
~~We're rulers of all~~
~~in our fiery hall.~~
~~I end harmony~~
~~with pain and chaos.~~
~~You end simplicity~~
~~with phycotic thoughts.~~
~~No more land of the living~~
~~or spiritual realm.~~
~~No more human beings.~~
~~Our power overwhelms.~~
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-02
Written: (6779 days ago)
Filthy
Drain my blood;
pour through a net.
Remove the mud,
and watch me fret.
Veins to preen,
so filled with hurt.
Another fiend
regains the dirt.
Richly unclean.
A thick infection.
A mixture that's mean.
A bitter confection.
Since they're not pure,
my arteries cry.
You wish you could cure,
but cures are a lie.
Written about Saturday 2006-04-29
Written: (6783 days ago)
so i find out that 6 or 7 ppl just randomly walked up to my brother saying that i got drunk and high the weekend of the 21st! somewhere b/w getting picked up early from school on friday, to going to my lil brother's party (my mom was there), going to saturday school, going to prom w/ tons of teachers and stuff, and then going to church, oh and i slept twice somewhere in there. Ya, and these ppl i have never heard of SAW me do it! lol
"stupid people make me angry" - elizabeth
^ i agree
lol....gosh, stupid fucking jealous bitches! sry if my continuesly moving weekend pissed you off, or if you're jealous of me and my awesome relationship w/ my boyfriend and my friends. *shakes head disapprovingly