To my friends...you know who you are....this is for you....all of you

Its been so different...for so long.... Whats happening now....whats happening later? Nothing compares to the way it used to be......nothing. I dont know how things will turn out...but i know how i want them to. All i do know is that I dont really know anything.... In the back of mine things are the way they used to.....everyone is happy....none of us are suffering. After this is all over....I want you all to know that i wanted to be there for you. Everyone's decisions will be made differently now.....there's no telling how our live's will change and grow. After everything we've been through.....we'll be different.....but we'll still be each other's friends...and we'll still be a group of strength and love. I hope...anyways. Our live's may be more different than we ever imagined because of how are scars are the last thing we see before we choose.......but maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe nothing does....as long as we breathe and love each other. An apple has a certain amount of seeds.....but how many apples come from one seed? Our love...is like that.......we all get injured and come into the worst of situations and the greatest bouts of pain and harm....but it seems like nothing can tear us apart......it's because we all love each other. That's what true love is.....just because we are all friends doesn't mean we dont have true love. I love you all....i hope you feel the same.....

Artist: Type O Negative
Album: October Rust
Title: Love You To Death


In her place one hundred candles burning
as salty sweat drips from her breast
her hips move and I can feel what they're saying, swaying
They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya,get...

Black lipstick stains her glass of red wine
I am your servant, may I light your cigarette?
Those lips smooth, yeah I can feel what you're saying, praying
They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get...

I beg to serve, your wish is my law
Now close those eyes and let me love you to death
Shall I prove I mean what i'm saying, begging
I say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get..

Let me love you too
Let me love you to death

Hey am I good enough for you?
Hey am i good enough for you?
Am I?
Am I?
Am I good enough
for you?

roflmfao! we're such conspiring conspirators! we're criminals! oh yes! oh yes!


lets see......back row left to right....me, frodo (josh), leanne.......middle row....fed-ex (justin), sarah.....front row.....alex (oompa), ashly

anything i have ever said (dont listen to me) this past week was a false (true) statement! i do (don't) want the opposite of what i told you.

(i am making absolutely no (perfect) sense here and i know it......because everytime i try (and fail) to say something......i hear another part of me (no i dont) argue with me.....everytime i try to type something (full of shit) i can't help but add in what i, myself, (or is it?) am thinking. i know (think....not sure....remember?) that it is just me....(hehehe) having mixed emotions (or is it that i am argueing over which will heal (hurt) things?)

you know....get back to me (me) on that

what is real? what is false? who is lying for my health...who is lying for my hurt? who is telling the truth? i can't tell anything apart anymore!

is everything that i am told a lie? or is everything true? or is it all half and half? but wait...there's more.....is lie just a code word for truth and vice-versa? and if that is correct (which really means (no it doesnt) incorrect), then what other words are ture (untrue)? idk anything anymore! i think i am finally breaking....after all this time....having to help everyone else with their break-down's...is it really my (no...please!) turn? idk.....idk......IDK!

I started out just typing a normal..."this is whats going on and how I feel" diary entry when i realize the 1st two sentences I typed also rhymed. SO i turned it all into a poem:

S.S.D.D.
Im back to forcing fake smiles and saying I'm O.K.
Don't care, its just the Same Shit Different Day.
No need to worry about me, I'm back to where I began.
The pain always returns, just like happiness never can.

The real smiles never last for long, never have, never will.
I lie to you all saying I'm fine, as inside the torment kills.
HaHa, but don't you worry honey, because I'll be O.K.
Don't you remember? It's MY Same Shit Different Day.

*get shivers down spine then drools* seeeeexy

(http://www.secretredink.tk)

Written:2006-07-11 04:31:05

THINGS GIRLS WANT GUYS TO KNOW
1. We want to be hugged
2. We want you to show us affection even when people you know are around.
3. We have peverted minds SOMETIMES
4. Don't take us for granted.
5. If you like us, make your move before someone else does.
6.If you don't shave, don't expect us too...EVERYDAY!!
7. Even though we're perfectly okay with it, don't tell us to kiss our friends to turn you on unless you're willing to do the same.
8. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you do
9. We don't care how sexy your ex was.
10. We absolutely do not care about how hot you think other girls are even if were not going out with you!!!
11. Even though you almost never are, we'll pretend that you're right sometimes.
12. Its not our job to make all the plans.
13. We understand that size doesn't matter.
14. We're not as shallow as you think we all are.
15. PMS is ALWAYS an excuse.
16. On that note, anything we say or do during that 4 days to a week each month cannot be held against us.
17. Vin Deisel IS hot, so get over it.
18. We like it when you say that you're sorry (even if its not entirely your fault)
19. The excuse "I can't dance" is absolutely unacceptable...we'll appreciate the effort.
20. Make fun of us...prepare to DIE!
21. The "little things" are really the biggest things
22. No girl just wants to be " friends".
23. If you smoke and kiss me i dont care..........i will kiss you back.
24. We're sensitive.
25. When we trip and or fall, throw yourself upon the altar of sacrifice and humiliate yourself to make us feel better.
26. Don't lie to us...ever.
27. If we take the time to write you cute notes, write us back, we really like that.
28. Hold our hand.
29. If you love us, always let us know, no matter whats going on if your life
30. Tell us what you like about us, besides how much you enjoy "bedroom-time".

u evol i
u etah i
u evol ot etah i
u evol ot evol i
u etah ot etah i dna
trapa em sraet ti

florida was....breath-taking, but there was still something missing...........you know...i missed you all the whole time! lol....but thats not what im talking about right now! lol sry....anyways, i had a great time, but it totally wasnt as good as i wanted it to be, b/c i could feel the emptiness......i still can, it likes there is nothing that can fill that place......idk

(ashly i need you very much right now......plz try to help me...plz)

so....right now it's 6:14pm.......in less than two hours i will be leaving to drive to cedar park/austin, texas.......after that....its some rest then straight on to florida! ^_^ wow...i havent ever been to florida.....but whats getting me right now....is that i havent been to austin in a while

"im trapped in this world. lonley and fading-heart broke and waiting for you to come. we're stuck in this world thats not meant for me-for me-for me..."

Guy: I saw her today.
[Girl: I saw him today.]
Guy: It seems like it's been forever.
[Girl: I wonder if he still cares.]
Guy: She looks better than before.
[Girl: He probably thinks I'm ugly.]
Guy: She kept glaring at me.
[Girl: I couldn't help staring at him.]
Guy: I asked her how things were going.
[Girl: I asked about his new girlfriend.]
Guy: I'd choose her over any girl I'm with.
[Girl: He's probably really happy now.]
Guy: I couldn't look at her without starting to cry.
[Girl: He couldn't even look at me.]
Guy: I told her I missed her.
[Girl: He doesn't miss me.]
Guy: I meant it.
[Girl: He didn't mean it.]
Guy: I love her.
[Girl: He loves his new girlfriend.]
Guy: I held her for the last time.
[Girl: He gave me a friendly hug.]
Guy: Then I went home and cried.
[Girl: Then I went home and cried.]
Guy: I lost her
[Girl: I love him.]

this is the first time that i have laughed and been truely happy in several weeks

thats madam vice president to you!

lol inside joke ..... lmfao