blah...im bored....haha....JP i see you!

sometimes....we do not do the things we want so that others will not know we want to do them.....

- "Ivy", The Village

rawr! i have bleach blonde/golden blonde/auburn hair! its pretty ful! i cant wait for halloween party, alex's party, and halloween! i took the psat the other day. i became an aunt last monday (oct 16th) and ya.....i am feeling great! one thing tho

i havent been having sex with anyone so u fuckers (u knowho u are *cough*jd and some unknowns*cough*) shut the hell up! you fucking power hungry mother fuckers need to find some other way of making up for your pathetic, wanting, sorry-ass, no good, sad and miserable lives. u wanna spread rumors....spread some about yourselves and keep me the fuck out of it! find someone else to make your self esteem go up. u saying u had sex with me isnt gonna impress anyone and its not gonna make people jealous. saying i had sex with some other person isnt gonna do it either so kiss my ass. thank you and good bye you pathetic worms!

now where was i......oh ya! i have been in an awesome mood since the weather started getting cooler.....my only problems have been my strict parents and nearly losing a friend over something stupid. now she and i both have figured stuff out (ashly u know i love u....i only hope u believed me when i said i wasnt doing that) and its awesome. other than people spreading whoreish rumors about me (according to a couple people: "nikki will have sex w/ nethin that wlks & used to have sex with randall [no offense hun but...ew....aint gonna happen] and she's sending pictures over the internet of her making out with people [of course i was "sending" these "pictures" about a week ago when ET is proof that i havent been online in about 20-22 days until 2day (plus i havent been making out w/ nebody newayz)] so ya she's a fucking whore") im good....lol.....hard to believe im actually in a good mood huh? lol....but i am.......i think its cas i know im better than that, there's good weather outside, halloween's coming up, im excited about next weekend, and i have no real reason to be in a bad mood. hmmm....oh well....i tlk too fucking much so until later!

MEOW!

Dont look down on me for anything i've done. It is not an excuse but simply a fact:


Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
The sins we all have committed is a must
o remember those wonderful sins we have made
o those sins cannot be taken away
We are the ones that are the sinners
there is no way to make us out to be beginers
for we have done this for awhile
why don't you stay and become one of us forever
SINNERS UNITED!!!

sry....if you ask me things i might have a hard time answering them...im normally good with words...but all of a sudden i cant even formulate my thoughts let alone say things....so in advance forgive me if for some reason i dont talk much....lol.....i know....me....not talk much....its a miracle!

man.....you shoulda seen me today.....i was so hyper! lol.....im in a good mood....^_^

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
The sins we all have committed is a must
o remember those wonderful sins we have made
o those sins cannot be taken away
We are the ones that are the sinners
there is no way to make us out to be beginers
for we have done this for awhile
why don't you stay and become one of us forever
SINNERS UNITED!!!

You may ask me 3 questions.
Any 3, no matter how private or how random.
I have to answer them honestly,and I have to answer them ALL!
In turn you post this message in your own journal, wikki, or profile and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you!

To my friends...you know who you are....this is for you....all of you

Its been so different...for so long.... Whats happening now....whats happening later? Nothing compares to the way it used to be......nothing. I dont know how things will turn out...but i know how i want them to. All i do know is that I dont really know anything.... In the back of mine things are the way they used to.....everyone is happy....none of us are suffering. After this is all over....I want you all to know that i wanted to be there for you. Everyone's decisions will be made differently now.....there's no telling how our live's will change and grow. After everything we've been through.....we'll be different.....but we'll still be each other's friends...and we'll still be a group of strength and love. I hope...anyways. Our live's may be more different than we ever imagined because of how are scars are the last thing we see before we choose.......but maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe nothing does....as long as we breathe and love each other. An apple has a certain amount of seeds.....but how many apples come from one seed? Our love...is like that.......we all get injured and come into the worst of situations and the greatest bouts of pain and harm....but it seems like nothing can tear us apart......it's because we all love each other. That's what true love is.....just because we are all friends doesn't mean we dont have true love. I love you all....i hope you feel the same.....

Artist: Type O Negative
Album: October Rust
Title: Love You To Death


In her place one hundred candles burning
as salty sweat drips from her breast
her hips move and I can feel what they're saying, swaying
They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya,get...

Black lipstick stains her glass of red wine
I am your servant, may I light your cigarette?
Those lips smooth, yeah I can feel what you're saying, praying
They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get...

I beg to serve, your wish is my law
Now close those eyes and let me love you to death
Shall I prove I mean what i'm saying, begging
I say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get..

Let me love you too
Let me love you to death

Hey am I good enough for you?
Hey am i good enough for you?
Am I?
Am I?
Am I good enough
for you?

roflmfao! we're such conspiring conspirators! we're criminals! oh yes! oh yes!


lets see......back row left to right....me, frodo (josh), leanne.......middle row....fed-ex (justin), sarah.....front row.....alex (oompa), ashly

anything i have ever said (dont listen to me) this past week was a false (true) statement! i do (don't) want the opposite of what i told you.

(i am making absolutely no (perfect) sense here and i know it......because everytime i try (and fail) to say something......i hear another part of me (no i dont) argue with me.....everytime i try to type something (full of shit) i can't help but add in what i, myself, (or is it?) am thinking. i know (think....not sure....remember?) that it is just me....(hehehe) having mixed emotions (or is it that i am argueing over which will heal (hurt) things?)

you know....get back to me (me) on that

what is real? what is false? who is lying for my health...who is lying for my hurt? who is telling the truth? i can't tell anything apart anymore!

is everything that i am told a lie? or is everything true? or is it all half and half? but wait...there's more.....is lie just a code word for truth and vice-versa? and if that is correct (which really means (no it doesnt) incorrect), then what other words are ture (untrue)? idk anything anymore! i think i am finally breaking....after all this time....having to help everyone else with their break-down's...is it really my (no...please!) turn? idk.....idk......IDK!

I started out just typing a normal..."this is whats going on and how I feel" diary entry when i realize the 1st two sentences I typed also rhymed. SO i turned it all into a poem:

S.S.D.D.
Im back to forcing fake smiles and saying I'm O.K.
Don't care, its just the Same Shit Different Day.
No need to worry about me, I'm back to where I began.
The pain always returns, just like happiness never can.

The real smiles never last for long, never have, never will.
I lie to you all saying I'm fine, as inside the torment kills.
HaHa, but don't you worry honey, because I'll be O.K.
Don't you remember? It's MY Same Shit Different Day.

*get shivers down spine then drools* seeeeexy

(http://www.secretredink.tk)