have you EVER lied to me?

just to make me happy?
just to get out of something?
just to keep me?
just to drop an arguement?
just so you wouldnt get in trouble?
just so I wouldnt leave you?
just so our relationship would be the same?


Tell the truth for once...

Everyday seems to get worse and worse, like more fighting, more pissing eachother off...I regret every mean thing I've ever done or said. I cannot believe he forgives me all those times, he says he will always forgive me, and that I could do anything in the world to hurt him and he would still love me, and never leave me. and It's the same way for me too. I mean, if he ever did anything to hurt me really bad, things would change for a while, and be different, but I could never stop loving him. We are going to be through alot together, and each day of this just makes us stronger...and Im glad we love eachother enough to get through it all..

baby I love you!

I wish I could go back into the past, I would change so much, I would fix so many things, I would say so much more to those ones I lost. I wish I was there to when they needed me most, I wish I would have said what I was thinking, and I wish I could go back to say what I was feeling, and say what I've always wanted to. But then again if I did that, I wouldnt be with him. And I dont know what I would do without him.

I cant imagine what it would be like if we didnt meet, or if we did meet, but just never gotten together...It scares me sometimes when I think about it because Im so afriad to be without him. 

I am confused, I dont know what to do or think anymore. and whats even more confusing about this, is that I dont know what I am confused about I dont know anything anymore. Im always wrong, I feel like I've changed, just not in a good way. I really want to go back in time to see my true self once again. Or at least show Michael what I used to be. I need Janel. I really do, without her Im....Im THIS and I hate it. this isnt who I really am.. I mean some of it is, but most of it isnt. I seriously cant get over the fact that my real side, went with Janel. when she left me. When she left, I guess I wanted to be with her so bad, the biggest part of me went with her. I still talk to her, and I am so thankfull for that, Ide be so depressed, and I'de go out of my mind if we stopped talking. I'de be worse then I am right now. 

I want Michael to see the real me, but I cant find the real me!! Im in Florida with Janel. 

It's like Im with Janel, but I have to get here to be with Michael, and I cant get to him. I want to so bad, but theres something blocking me, and I cant figure out what it is. and its killing me, its killing US. I wish I was here with Michael. I want to be, I need to be. But I cant. I just need to figure out why, and go from there. I need to findmyself. 

HELP!!

I feel totally lost...


Today was probably one of the worst days of my life, I just want you to know how much I love you, and I'll never leave you...and I know what I did today, made it seem like I was going to. But I wouldnt dare...Your my everything, your my life, my love, my fiance', my husband, my best friend, and My Michael....your everything to me.

And just for the record....I love you more!

Sometimes there is to much beauty in the world. 
I feel like I cant take it.

I can be the one who cares

I can be your everything

I can be the one to sing you to sleep

I'll try to make you laugh untill you cry

it feels so right gazing into your eyes

if we just pull ourselves together

we'll make it through this stormy weather

if you cant get your self together

just hold my hand I'll make you better

theres nothing to fear

I will be right here

Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker Ein Viertel Teeloffel Salz Eine Messerspitze turkisches Haschisch Ein halbes Pfund Butter Ein Teeloffel Vanillenzucker Ein halbes Pfund Mehl Einhundertfunfzig Gramm gemahlene Nusse Ein wenig extra Staubzucker ... und keine Eier In eine Schussel geben Butter einruhren Gemahlene Nusse zugeben und Den Teig verkneten Augenballgrobe Stucke vom Teig formen Im Staubzucker walzen und Sagt die Zauberworter Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und Bei zweihundert Grad fur funfzehn Minuten backen und KEINE EIER Bei zweihundert Grad fur funfzehn Minuten backen und Keine Eier ..

In the dark
A candle is the sun
To light our way back home
It's a dream
It's a hope
That one day we'll be free
Give me strength to open up the door
I'll take my chances, racing time
Re-writing the book
For all to see
On my own I can ride the winds of change
To heal a broken time, a broken world.

I have zee most amazingest Fiance' in the world!
He's everything YOU WISH to be.

If you only once would let me
Only just one time
Then be happy with the consequence
With whatever's gonna happen tonight
Don't think we're not serious
When's it ever not
The love we make is give and it's take
I'm game to play along



All the best DJs are saving
Their slowest song for last
When the dance is through
Its me and you
Come on would it really be so bad
The things we think might be the same
But I won't fight for more
Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve
Count on that for sure




Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you
Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do

All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
You want to take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time

"you dont love me like you used to"

Things like this make me wish I would have said "I Love You" more often, and maybe I should have done more for him, or did more stuff for him...what have I done wrong?

out with the new
in with the old

shards of glass.
skin of gold.
steal my breath.
blood runs cold.
voilet waves.
oceans blue.
all my love.
lost in you.
in you i see further.
can it last forever?

HEY UNFAITHFUL I WILL TEACH YOU TO BE STRONGER...
HEY UNGRACEFUL I WILL TEACH YOU TO FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER...
HEY UNLOVING I WILL LOVE YOU...

Im ready to come home.

HEY UNFAITHFUL
HEY UNGRACEFUL
HEY UNLOVING
I WILL...LOVE YOU!

Can you feel your heart beat racing?
Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
You've done this wrong
Its to far gone
These sheets tell of regret
I admit that I'm...
I'm just a fool for you...

I thought I would never see him again, and I did. It ruined my whole day. Why did he have to show up and ruin everything? even though he didnt really do anything, its just the fact that he was there, and the fact that he was trying to talk to me like everything was okay, and like nothing ever happened between us, and like no hearts where broken...I fucking hate him. 

On another note, Michael told me how he felt about me not being able to tell him things. And I think now that I told him the reason and he understands (I hope) why I didnt tell him things, then things are going to be alot better betwen me and him. I feel like I can really open up to him now, and tell him things that I would only tell Janel, or Sam. I feel like...not only is he my boyfriend, but my best friend...^.^

Babe, I cannot! wait untill we get to move out together,to spend the rest of our life together, never apart. No more of these days where we never see eachother, for 3-5 days, We'll live in peace, no parents with us, telling us whats right and wrong, and giving us chores up to a point where thats all we are doing is chores and nots spending time with eachother. 

It made me really happy when you said you wanted to come to my concert...because I didnt even have to ask. ^.^ And not even my parents want to go to that. 

I love you so much, and Im really sorry about our disagreements we've had in the passed couple of days. Just know that I am sorry, and that I will ALWAYS forgive YOU! 

I Love You Michael.

...I was crying, because it was the first time in my life that I felt so happy, so happy that I am with you, I felt like nothing could hurt me anymore, I felt like you would protect me from everything. I feel safe in your arms, and there was no where else I wanted to ever be but close to you. and forever I sha'll be with you, no matter what happens. 
For all the times we were mad at eachother, and for all the mean things you say/said, and for all the mistakes that happened/will happen, I will forgive, and forget...it may take a while to forget, but I couldnt stand not forgiving you. 

Your my everything.
And forever you sha'll be...My Love

I vow never to never do that again...T.T

Everytime I here this song I close my eyes and replay the best times we had together...The day when we were dancing on the boardwalk. The day we got caught in the rain together and were soaking wet. And Those days we got mad at eachother over the dumbest things, and forgave eachother 30 seconds later, because its so hard to stay mad at eachother. Those days when we make milk shakes, and I always seem to get sick after drinking them. Those days when we are always late getting home. Those silent car rides home, were all we do is hold eachothers hand and stare out the car windows. The days when there is nothing to do but watch movies and cuddle (my favorite). The days when we go out to the movies together and share a pop and sneak in our own candy. The days when you come to pick me up and I surprise you with a blue can of Jolt! (I know those are your favorite days) The days when we go walk around town and goof off. And then theres those days when we arnt with eachother, and the whole day all we think about is eachother. I love those days...because I can sit home and listen to this song..and think about all our past memories, and think about YOU. But I have to admit I do like the days we are together making new memories a bit more....