Today, for a Pre-Law Society fundraiser, I went in a dunk tank.

THAT WATER IS F***ING COLD!

I think I'm gonna take a few days off from sarcastic remarks and write down real thoughts. Why? This is because I need to think of some more sarcastic remarks.

I really can't think of anything to say today. I must be losing my touch.

The phrase "as far as I know," what the hell does that mean? The distance you know something is only the distance from the back lobe to the frontal lobes of your brain. So, in reality, if someone says, "as far as I know," be cautious.

My buddy, Bobby, he once had a shirt that said, "Find a penny, pick it up; all day long, you'll have a penny." However, there is a small fallacy: what if you spend or lose that penny?

There may be no "i" in "team," but if you rearrange the letters correctly, it spells "meat."

When the choice is between "this" and "that," I would compromise and choose "thas."

If at first you don't succeed, don't try again. Why not? It's because you'll probably fail again.

Some people have sarcastic quotes to manifest their humor and wit. I have bling.

Today I asked myself, "why am I using this public diary?"