Ah, another entry. I am sleepy. I might go to bed soon. I have to be up early tomorrow because I have to videotape my step-mom for a documentry for my film class. I'll email the teacher later about it.


Rawr, nothing is new. I haven't talked to him since Thursday after he told me he didn't wanna talk anymore because he was mad. I miss him. I miss him terribly. His cellphone has been off and he hasn't been online. I hope he is okay. I am going to freak soon. I hope he calls me soon, like real soon. I miss his voice, his i love yous, his words, .. his everything. I just want him to call me.


My head hurts.


I love you.
I hope you know that.

Ah, here I am. I am sitting here, listening to Acceptance, and thinking about everything that has happened recently in my life. A lot of things have changed and it kinda makes me wonder if this is the part of growing up or acting up? I am not sure. I been annoyed lately, but that is due to ignorant bigots. I hate people.


He said he was going on that date. )= I wish it was me who was going on that date. Then again, we aren't together anymore. Why am I so sad? I think became he made me realize something and it is on repeat in my head.

Me: Why is this break-up so hard?
Him: Because I am actually trying this time.


..Trying THIS TIME? What about the rest of the year we dated? Was that just a waste of your year or what? Everytime I close my eyes, I hear him saying that. I am not upset over it, but I realized... I was trying to, but you shouldn't have to try at a relationshpi. It should come naturally, like it did in the beginning. Then again, he had more time for me a year ago. I know I have to understand that he has a life and what not, but it hurts for when I need him and he isn't there. When things go wrong or even right, I wanna tell him about it. I want him to hear it and help me. I want his advice nd his comforting words to tell me it'll be okay. But 7 times out of 10 he isn't there. He is busy or he can't find his cellphone or SOMETHING goes wrong. Everytime. And he wonders why I get so impatient and upset. If he was in my shoes for a day, he would understand why I get upset. But then again.. if I was in his shoes for a day, maybe I'd understand. But since we both live seperate lives and never hardly ever are together, we will never know. After nearly two years, you think our relationship would have progressed, but it hasn't. We are still where we were for when we first met. [Smiles] I remember that day. Gosh do I remember that day.


I miss him.


I love you.