Fuck... It never leaves. no matter how much you want it to it stays. FUCK! this is the type of shit that makes one wanna end it all. im not gonna do it. i would tell everyone to come piss on my grave if i did that. but we'll see what my next decision is. this is a hard one that could fuck me over again so i dont know. later.

All these things getting people down. im sorry for all of you. i understand stress sux ass. i do i probably know better than anyone here. As you all know my grandma died recently. im sad for her but im glad at the same time cause i look at all the good she braught us. and now she is up with the angels seeing and doing everything she couldnt in this world. So here is my saying to you all. Words from my grandma to me and i m gonna share them all with you.

"Live life not worying about regret live it freely and care free. Live it to the fullest every day and live a good long life as i did"

So fuck it you all know i am here to talk whenther you think i care or not. and even if youhate me like a few i know i am still here. and it really pisses me off that no one can tell me anything and they avoid me. thats fuckin bullshit. i am sorry that i am bitching but it has to be said. Live life. dont regret just have fun.

Bye

Hmm. I must say I am cheesy.
  But ohh well I like it. So does my girl friend. Lets see we went out to the mountains today. Well Red Rocks. We were just amazed on how beautiful it was. There was this band there and they were playng some good tunes man. Some "Santana" and I guess some of there own. But it was getting dark and we just looked at the skyline of the city. Nothing like the city lights. Then we started climbing on the rocks and that was entertaining. One of the guys was gonna kill me for it *(Though James is a sissy he would've won anyway :-D)*. Then we went on a long drive to my house and we talked alot like usual. Then I had to take her home. She said to me that she was hooked on me like a drug. So I played the best DJ's song "Ecstacy" by the great "Andre Tanenberg" A.K.A "ATB". and it matched her mood for me. I feel loved. Well also lets see. Uhh now I am iin my room all by my alone ready for bed and thinking about her. I miss her already. Ohh well tommarow were gonna hang out again. So I look foward to that like no other. she makes me so happy. Well that is all for now. Talk to you all tommarow I'll keep updating on this thing so Adios. and

Oiyasuminasai<----I think that is the right phrase.
James Martinez
*I'll never be the same I'll tell you for sure I'll never be the same I'll tell you for sure! you really are my ecstacy*