Okay since I haven't done this in a while I am going to give an update. For starters there is a chance I might be pregnant. If I am....lets just say the father would have wish he was dead. I have been going to theraphy which helps me alot actually. I am now learning why I allow certain things to happen to me and never say anything about it. Might get my drvers lis soon so that is good if I do. I reapplied for disability...it is not because I don't want to work but needless to say I would not be able to keep up in the work place. I have been told I havee RA (rhumetiod arthirtis) so that makes everything more shitty. My dad almost broke his arm which I am grateful he didn't. that is all I feel like putting for now

Spent last night from 7 pm to almost 10: 15 pm at the Full Moon. They have karaoke (can't spell) which I love to sing. I got to hang with one of my friends (James) who actually got up and sang. It was amusing since he didn't want to in th first place but changed his mind after I sung one song. Right now sitting here and chilling with my grandma...aka ninjagrandma. XD there is a story about that of which I might later go into detail. It is now official I have RA (rhumetoid arthritis) which sucks ass.

Sure why not do an entry after how long............wait lets not think about that. Enjoyable fact I got to drive my grandmothers care today with her and my little cousin Ayllsa. If anyone knew my grandmother it is hard as hell to be allowed to drive the damn thing. I might bitch in this who really knows....or I might not. If I get anyone who corrects my incorrect spelling you really can go fuck off. Yesterday I went with grandma and Tina (my fiance) to my older sister Ahsley's baby shower. Things were going well, execpt I knew what mny step-mom and my sis were saying about my fiance. It is open knowledge they don't really like her but seriously grow up when you are around several people and don't whisper (while pointing) to her. They hate her and when it comes to my step-mom the feeling is mutual. I hate that woman so fucking much! she made my life a living hell for almost 1 1/2 years. I lived in her extra trailer home. It was a shit hole that was falling apart, let alone the black mold all over. Then i wasn't neven allowed to use one of my bed rooms, along with my entire living room.
Any ways I am done ranting about the bitch. I haven't felt well and lucky me when I get migranes..I get light,sounds, and movent sensativity. I can say I learned how well I can keep my mouth shut. My other grandmother said something that pissed me off since my lil-bro (age 19) got arrested with drugs and a minor in the car. this is quoting my other grandmother "I don't blame him, look at how he was raised." OKAY...for starters my brother never even saw drugs till he moved to live with my parents. Second who the hell is she to be talking, she never offered to take any of us children when my mother handed us over. Third we were raised up good, we were taught everything that my other grandmother wouldv'e never taught us. >.> okay i probably should shut up now, not like many people are even goign to read this.

damn reading through my journal is a sad sight, it is pathetic how i acted in these

I am now 21 and have moved out and moved back in with my grandmother several times. I've been engaged now for about 4 1/2 years to the love of my life. She is sweet and understands me on a level most will never be able to. I am trying to finish re-writing some of my books and make things better since my grammer was extremely bad when i first did them. there is so much but i don't think i could type it all out in one day truly, it is something that will be a on going project for me.

sometimes we take such a negative lookat the world. at least i know i do. alot of us don't want to see the bad but some of us only know the bad. we hear of people getting rapped and you say you understand but you don't. unless it happens to you, you don't know how they feel. i get tired of people saying well you shouldn't think that way. i mean it is my thoughts they should have no say in them. i like hear my faults along with my good but some people are just cruel. i know a person who takes normal bugging into torture. i have to do some many things just go get away from them. and if you didn't guess it is my little brother. i have had to barakade my room before. and yes i know i cant spell. i don't have to put up with him right now since he is at a friends house. well i am going to stop before i end up saying something i regret

i got a really bad sunburn and it hurt

i fell asleep in my car yesterday. i had went out there to just sit and write in peace. but i guess i was nore tired than i had thought. and there is alot of junk going on with my friends and i wish that it would stop

ok so i didn't go to school and i got woke up at 9 am. i was really pissed then. after a while i calmed down and then me and my lil bro went and washed my new car. it is a 1984 lincoln. it is really a sweet car. i have to pay 500 for it and buy alot of stuff for it but it is ok. my grandma got mad at my lil bro for being a jackass like he almost always is and me i am just playing on here