Some sad news in this entry, I'm afraid . . . My great grandmother is dying of cancer right now. They just diagnosed it Monday, and gave her about 10 days to live. She's very traditional, and has decided to refuse treatment. I'm a little upset about this because she has a pretty serious case of Alzheimer's and is confused so often that I'm not sure if she made this decision in her right mind. It's hard enough to know what you are signing when you're on serious pain medication, but imagine adding the confusion of memory loss every 5 -10 minutes . . . However, I respect her decision. I visited her last night and about half the time she wasn't sure who I was or where she was. It was disturbing, but also comforting, as she has no recollection of her illness.
On the pregnancy front, I'm apparently at a 1% risk for a very rare disorder called trisomy 18 or 13 (yes that's really the name) and have to go in for more tests soon. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not, since it's such a low risk factor, but per the doctor, it's odd to have even that much of a risk involved. I'm trying not to get worked up over it, but the disorder causes some pretty severe birth defects, and that's scary. I could write more on this, but I just don't feel like it.
I got my very first sonogram on Tue and it was very strange and exhilarating. My kid is apparently very active in there, even though I can't feel it yet. It was freaky to see it jumping around on the monitor as the doctor tried to listen to it's heartbeat. It was also really cool though. Knowing your pregnant is one thing, but actually seeing the baby and hearing it's heart beat is just . . . awesome. I was also relieved to finally get my test results back confirming that the chance of this baby having Down's is extremely low. I worry about that kinda thing . . . Anywho, that's about it for this entry.
Today is a kinda sad day. My husband's dog ran off and we haven't been able to find him. He has a collar and tags, but that doesn't mean anything really. He actually left on Sat. night, but I haven't been worried until now. He runs off all the time, and always comes back, but he's never been gone this long before. I feel guilty about the whole thing too, because I never really liked that dog. Now he's gone and Justin is sad . . . Maybe I'll get him a puppy. Then he'll feel better.
On the pregnancy front, things are looking pretty good. My next appointment is Aug 9 and I'm excited - I should be able to see the baby and hear it's heart beat. I have been feeling a little sick lately, but it's not too bad. To be honest, I think the big fuss over morning sickness has more to do with Hollywood portrayals of what it should be versus what it actually is. Then again, maybe I'm lucky.
I went to my first prenatal exam, and that was freaky. There's nothing quite like being prodded and poked for upwards of an hour. The worst part was getting my blood drawn. It's not that I'm afraid of needles or that the sight of blood makes me pass out. It's that I have hard to hit veins, and it takes many jabs and lots of probing to hit a vein. Now I look like some kinda junkie, with huge bruises on both arms and on the back of my hand. They needed 8 vials of blood and will be taking more at my next appointment. I think I'm being tested for every disease known to man.
I am excited though. At my next appointment, I'll be getting a sonogram, so I'll be able to see the baby (as a vague greenish dot) for the first time.
So, big update since the last time I wrote in here - I am pregnant. 7 weeks in, as a matter of fact. It's a pretty big and scary thing - all that responsibility
No, I haven't been morning sick, or moody, or craving freaky things. I have had to lay off caffeine and start drinking lots of water and milk (ugh), though.
As far as the stuff I've been waiting on - I still haven't heard from Angrymonk . . . but my camera is in the mail, and I've gotten to post on shadefall so it's all good.
This seems to be a time in my life where I am expected to cultivate patience. I don't think I'm achieving this goal - but no matter how eager I am, I can't seem to reach a resolution on anything.
I am waiting to post in the shadefall wiki- I've made a character, started a sketch - but can't play until the academies have been introduced.
I am waiting for sketches from angrymonk - I am really excited to see what he's done with my character concept for Dako, a black robed wizard I've been playing in a Dragonlance D&D campaign. But no matter how excited I am, good art takes time . . .
I am waiting to hear back from a person in Hong Kong from whom I am buying an expensive (for me) video camera. I want to pay thru escrow.com, but they have to agree to it before we can proceed - so far, no word. I am really worried about this b/c I agreed to buy the camera already, but don't want to send $ via wire transfer, no matter how good the seller's 3 years of feedback have been. But, I really want my camera. Now.
So you see, lots of waiting, no resolution. Will I learn patience, probably not. Will I try my damndest? What other choice do I have?
The concert was great, but that was about a week ago - and now I am going INSANE with boredom. I think I'm going to the movies this weekend, but I dunno. There are only two movies out that I wanna see right now - Howl's Moving Castle and Land of the Dead. Maybe I'll go to a matinee . .
I am going to see New Blood Revival tonite!!! SWEET!! I really can't wait. Just a few more hours - i must be patient!
So, about me . . . I like mostly heavy metal music, so this concert is a bit of a deviation for me. NBR is more like ska than metal, but they are so good . . .
Why do i like metal? well, mostly b/c it's a great way to get out any aggression i might be feeling. It helps me create because it's fast beat and i really like the complex rhythms. I dunno, I like it for a lot of reasons. Anyway, that's good for now, I think.
I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to write in here. Diaries are usually private places to express your deepest thoughts and feelings. I suppose this is more like a "HEY! You wanna know more about me?" section. In which case, I guess there's a lot to tell. It's not that I'm interesting, it 's that I'm busy, and had a really odd upbringing. Oh well, more to come later.