Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.....

a little emo, maybe, but called for? certainly.

After all, everyone gets their share of depressing journals. That's what I beleive in; balance. Everyone gets a certain amount of happiness and a certain amount of misery. Balance. I have a super-good day today, I can count on the rest of the week being pretty depressing. It's how it works. And, knowing how it works, I can be understanding about it, and content to live this way. It makes sense, doesn't it?

We're all looking for some sense in life. All of us find a substitute that suits us, and settle down with it eventually. Even those that doubt all they see. What a sad existance that is! To never allow yourself the suspension of disbeleif, to never allow someone to lie to you, even if only in a story. To never allow themselves the simple pleasure of accomplishing something, even if they didn't do as well as they hoped, to feel content about having tried, having put their best foot forward on it. All because they fear the other side of the spectrum; defeat, humiliation. As if feeling good about something would allow you to let your determination slack. As if feeling bad about something would drive you too low to fight back.

That is a truly sad existance.

How does one live like that?

I think I figured out why no one on Elftown wants to talk to me.

Other people get badges from other users saying "[Such and such] protects this page, look out yo!" and usually two or three minimum per page.

I don't. I brought my own protection.

Maybe she's a bit too intimidating..?

I'm in an RP with an old friend and her cousin, which would be cool, except every post I make is like throwing lvl 30's into a lvl 50 battle. I can manage it, but not very well.

It's not really very relaxing anymore.

or amazingly fun.

it's actually quite stressful.

But I don't want to say so, because I've already overindulged in worrying about powerplaying at them, and what the hell would I look like saying they intimidate me? After all, it took a good bit of begging and cajoling just to get to this point.

And it is fun, still. Just..not as much fun as it is when 90% of the rest of the cast isn't level 50 and don't have relationship stuff worked out already.

y'know?

Bah! Screw bishounen with their effeminate, smooth faces. Gimme a comic book. I can see every line on that man's face, and he is SMOKIN' hot. Now, THAT'S art!

So the beginning was my rendition of the ZG movie, but I don't remember it at all.
after that, I was walking down this street, and everyone was all gothic and had ZG eyeliner and I was looking for the actress so I could congratulate her.
but there were these two at the end of the block that were just staring at me, so I stopped and looked at them.
they treated it as a challenge and tried to take bites out of me. (vampires---or people who were convinced they were.)
so I roar death-metal style, as I am prone to do, and treated my fingers like claws, and of course they assume I am a werewolf.
which I am not, but I might as well act the part, y'know?
so for a while they're winning, but I manage to get my legs around one of their heads and I snap his neck.
so he's just lying on the floor, bleeding. And I'm like, didn't mean to do that.
and the other guy's in total shock.
so I leave.

and then I become Carmonolon.
which is always totally awesome.
So I'm wandering around, in human form of course, in this same town.
I'm going to guess it was Mourncrow, because it had the same basic atmosphere.
And I accidentally slip out of disguise, and now I've got all these gov't cronies on my tail, trying to kill/capture/study me.
and I've got this little band of people I'm taking care of.
but every building I go into, this kamikaze bomber comes into, lights a crapload of dynamite sticks, leaves a bunch of glittery V-esque hats at the door, and leaves.
and I've got that much time to get out of the building.
So once I'm in this room behind a curtain with a bunch of people. one of them is a general, and I'm trying to convince him that I'm less dangerous if people would leave me the hell alone.
So I momentarily take over his body and say so.
proving I'm much more dangerous when provoked.
but bomb man comes in and is in the process of lighting his dynamite sticks. So I wraith to the other side of the curtain and attempt to pick the lock holding it closed with a hairpin, and then decide it's not worth it and blow it up with my hand.
don't ask how the lock was keeping the curtain closed.
maybe it was a really heavy curtain.
okay, so we barely make it out in time, and FINALLY the town decides just to give me a little bit of the outskirting forest. So I get this little square of trees that looks only as big as a living room but is actually several acres.
and the trees are all white and most of them are dead, and the land is barren, but the trees hold hundreds of books each.
So I'm mostly spending my time reading. And there's a little chest that holds canvases with various pictographs and things on it.
people start coming into my territory and using the books--which I don't mind too much, as long as they don't steal them and leave me alone.
but I switch characters to this girl who comes in periodically. And Carmonolon's chillin' over there and I'm in a book, and I hear faintly a Victorian-era guy asking Carmonolon a very stupid question, and Carmonolon treats him with a snarky retort and runs out of patience and chops him into three parts with his hands.
and I'm wondering what he said, but I couldn't hear him over something else.
but then I'm Carmonolon again, and someone else has said something incredibly stupid, but I know him pretty well, so I can't just decimate him like that, y'know?
and then I decide to get up, cause it's like 12.

BACK.

http://asylum.scarredions.com/Asylummain.html

webcomic. read it and despair.

I have these two Star Wars characters, Salek Craye and Talis Thades. Talis is a Jedi Knight, and Salek is a Sith Lord. Er, Lady.

They were both trained under the same master and grew up together as children. They were both (consecutively) offered a choice, and Salek took it, rising through the Imperial Remnants through smiles and backstabbery. She is extraordinarily talented at manipulating the Force, and it is rumored that she has discovered the secret to immortality. (basically she can respawn. =D)
Talis went on to become a Jedi Knight and goes about the galaxy performing random acts of goodness.

There's another character I'm coming up with, and she's Talis's girlfriend. Right now she's just a plot character and temporarily named Jesse, so she's REALLY shallow at the moment--one of those characters who dissapear when they turn sideways.

That's not really all that important. What's fun is their conversations. They've been best friends since they were small and they were lovers for the longest time, up until the decision, so being on opposite sides is really awkward for them. I've done some dialogues between them, and they're a lot of fun. I'll post a few. =D

(dream sequence.)
Talis: Y'know, for a moment I almost forgot who you were. Who I am.
Salek: What stopped you?
Talis: It would be wrong.
Salek: Right and wrong is so relative. I've forgotten my mortality; surely something short a letter can be just as easily misplaced.

---

(Memory/Dream flashback.)
Salek: Well, you took your time.
Talis: Where are we?
Salek: Coruscant plaza. We're "keeping the peace." What a stupid term. (shouting at a passerby) Hey, you! Do you have any peace? Good. Keep it to yourself.
Talis: That's not what the term means.
Salek: Oh, Talis, you stiffshirt. I'm bored. Let's hit a cantina.
Talis: We're not on vacation, Salek. Master Katarn stationed us here to safeguard the welfare of society.
Salek: Well, I see a cantina not far from here who's welfare desperately needs safeguarding. Oh, come on!

---

(Dream sequence.)
Jesse: What does she want?
Talis: I'm not sure.
Jesse: Does she want to turn you to the Dark Side?
Talis: Could be.
Jesse: ..She's going to kill you, isn't she?
Talis: It's possible. I don't know, Jesse.
Jesse: Well, what do you know?
Talis: She wants me on Tatooine.
Jesse: You don't have to go, you know. You can't live at her beck and call all of your life. It's wrong.
Talis: I have to if I want to be free.
Jesse: You do want to be free...don't you?
Talis: ...I don't know.
(everything flickers like on a bad TV and flicks to an overexposed image of a lush green feild. Salek turns in a gorgeous summer outfit.)
Salek: Don't know what?
Talis: I don't know what to think.
Salek: (laughs.) Oh, Talis, you always overthink things. Trying to solve something logically doesn't always work. Remember your training? Master Katarn was constantly riding your back about doubting your feelings.
Talis: (grins.) I couldn't forget that even if I wanted to.
Salek: Although you're very good at ignoring it.

I swear I'm developing a phobia for fish hooks. they're meathooks on thread!

I had a very frightening nightmare where I was a guy and I went to this amusement park thingy for a band that was like Linkin Park or Insane Clown Posse or Korn, it was definitely angsty. So I'm with a bunch of girls, high school age, blonde haired, others brunettes, just girls, y'know? So we get in and look around for the rides, and there aren't any.

what there is is these torture devices, a mix between an iron maiden and a cat-o-nine tails. a blonde girl gets caught first, this jagged rope lashing out around her waist and pulling her back against the back of the torture device, tying her there, and these hooks on these threads dig into her skin--her eyes, her cheeks, her throat, her arms, her breasts, anything it can catch on to. Then the horrible thing lifts up into the air and turns her downwards so that she's suspended on the fish hooks.

By the time the fish hooks finish attaching themselves the rest of the girls have gotten caught, and I run like bloody hell, but they catch me too and they dig into my skin and they hang me and embed themselves into my flesh and it's only a matter of time before it rips through my arms and legs and belly and brings muscle and intestines with it--

--and I wake up.

It's safe to assume that these aren't wire fishing hooks. these are like the hook that you slide down when you attach a trailer or something only sharpened to a point.

Meat hooks on thread, I swear.

my favorite part of the female body is the back. Specifically shoulderblades.

There's this girl who has dance when I have PE and she's utterly gorgeous. She has like minimal body fat so the bones in her back are vaguely defined--you can see some of her ribs and her spine is definitely there. and her shoulderblades are so utterly delicate.

it's just like, wow.


It's a delicate beauty. Like a fragile flower dancing in the wind. Just too damn graceful for its own good.

I REEEALLY want to draw her but I'm scared that she'll freak over it and say no.

I just wanted to make an update because I'm rather proud of this.

I have lost ten pounds since september. woo!


Also that I have gained back a pound or two because of my leg (we all think it's a shin splint, but it hurts ALL THE TIME now, even when I'm not using it) and it's so hard to do the sports I love without using my legs, so my diet thingy has pretty much slid to a stop. I need to see a doctor for this thing.

my plan for the next two years:


turn fifteen. get my learner's permit. Get my comic on track. Keep up my grades. Keep drawing. Make new friends. Get out more. Become more active in my youth group at church. Invite people to it. get into a play. Get better at the bass. Play the cello occasionally. Learn that every guy I see is, in fact, not a prime candidate for a boyfriend like I like to think they are. Learn the difference between flirting and getting to know someone better. Treat my friends better.

Turn sixteen. have a sweet sixteen. finally get kissed for the first time. keep up my comic and never forget my old friends. get a job. Finally pay back all the horrible debts I have with my friends and family. (I hate owing money.) find out whether motorcycles take less gas than cars do. Help my mom with her finances. Pay my section of the rent. Grow closer in my walk with God. Keep up with my bass practice. Maybe find a guitarist and drummer and start a christian rock band(there aren't nearly enough of those these days). Explore my faults, and find out who I am. Buy a python or a kitten. Possibly both.

And someday, find the love of my life, settle down with him, and get married with the satisfaction that I waited until then to lose my virginity. Until then, it's pledged to Christian Bale. *mrowr.*

I just saw Interview With The Vampire.



Good movie. Fully recommend it.


Rather violent, though. Many hickies.

And a bit of nudity.


But, y'know, that doesn't bother me much.


The only thing that really scares me is when Louis gets put in the box.

AUGH. *SHUDDER*

Creeped the hell outta me.

Also rather scary that's the only thing I found frightening in the least about that movie.


....Eugh.


Also, Tom Cruise makes an excellent Lestat. Much love.

Hmm.


Just saw Advent Children.



BEAUTIFUL.



Can't wait until I can watch it without subtitles.


Will need to see it again.


Movie ate my brain.

I think I've changed over the summer.



I don't think it's a good change.

I'm sorry, folks, for whoever was planning on hearing something coherent and thought-provoking and entirely unrelated to Orson Scott Card and Donald Mustard's Advent Rising for the next few weeks, you'd best be off ignoring me until I shut up about it. Which is no time soon, lemme tell ya.



Haven't played Advent Rising? What's wrong with you? Go buy it! It is WELL WORTH the thirty bucks I spent on it. Haven't heard of Advent Rising? You poor bastard. check out http://www.adventtrilogy.com/ to find out more about it.


It has to be my favorite game. All the others pale in comparison. Never have I had this much fun in killing aliens. Never have I had such an arsenal of options in said killing! The powers are well-thought out and the leveling of abilities is simple and doesn't get in the way of gameplay; if anything it improves it. The combinations of powers that you can use is endless.

And it doesn't stop there! The storyline is GORGEOUS and it doesn't get in the way of gameplay; it adds to it, builds it up. It is just a gorgeous game.

I..just...love this game. The review I would write would not give it justice. just go to the website for it and wonder in its glory.



SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE!!

I am RESTLESS.


Strange Genetics is going nowhere. I want to play Syberia but the demo is SLOW AS ASS HELL. I already finished the demo for Syberia 2.


I HAVE NOTHING TO DO.

HOKAY.

Since I graduated (June 24, roughly) I have done pretty much nothing but vegetate in front of this monitor. I sparred with my brother and my best friend once, each. I went to the beach and walked along the beach for a good solid two hours. I just got back from messing around with my friends. That is the total amount of excersise I have gotten in the past two months. I have eaten sparsely every day, but mostly fatty foods since I graduated. I started the summer with a total of 190 pounds.



So tell me: How the HELL have I lost ten pounds in two months?


My metabolism is..odd.

Wow. I rant a lot.


Well, the good thing about Weblogs is that things change and one can launch into a hissy fit and either she'll get yelled at or she'll get sympathy.


Unneeded sympathy, by now.

My mom did the amazing and turned everything around and got tickets. We went. It was SO FREAKING COOL.


I'm going again next year. And we're getting a hotel room and staying longer.

^^