i didn't realise i could fall so quickly...it's been less than an hour and i'm already near the bottom...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/7242284.stm

that train was the one i was waiting for...oh crap...

my stress level no longer fits on any scale...because of this i'm not hungry...due to this my mum shouts at me for not eating...as a result of that my stress level gets higher...so i don't want to eat...yeah it's a vicious circle really...

the christmas entertainment dvd made me cry...oh dear...

chemistry practicals are the worst thing ever and need to die...argh...it's not working...at all...*stressed*

so far today, i've:
-been driving all the way to Maidstone and round the one-way system without messing up =)
-baked 24 little cakes and i'm about to ice them with various different icing flavours/colours for friends tomorrow =)
-cooked lunch/dinner for mum =)

the baking of cakes was to reward me for driving well and the making of dinner was to reward myself for doing almost all of my homework(except stupid class civ context questions) yaye! go me! try not to ruin my cheery-ness? i'll be falling tomorrow...especially due to the amount of sleep i'm losing over these stupid practical days...took me 4 hours to sleep last night...GRRRRR anyway smileyness is important today instead =)

UPDATE: don't worry about ruining my cheery-ness...my mother's already suceeded...

i knew my dad was insensitive but not to this extent...

Jason and the Argonauts...the American version...pronounces a heck of a lot of names wrong...getting on my nerves...on the other hand my dad gets the joke that Hermes/Mercury drinks much Red Bull =P yaye! a non-classics person/geek finds it funny =) *shuts up*

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? random uncle's need to stop turning up at our house...my uncle mike's just appeared...hmmmm i shall return to my pasta in a mug...

i'm sure my parents keep buying me diet coke so i get caffiene without drinking coffee...because they don't like my coffee intake...GRRRRRRR however diet coke has minimal calories so i'm not complaining too much...

in my dreams in the last couple of months i've...
-been in the middle of a war
-arrested for not having my mum with me
-been in a family of suspected bombers
what do we reckon is next? or anyone want my dreams instead?

it took me so long to say...i'm glad i've said it but i still can't help/stop it...i hate sitting being useless even if that's what i'm meant to do...my life and world can't be right, not yet...

eurgh...stupid itching legs...must...not...scratch

oh dear...school postcard=utterly embarassing...now the parents won't leave me alone...

i really need to stop getting so into Torchwood...it makes me cry every week...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

argh so angry at myself...had so much work planned and i didn't do a single bit of it...then i had coffee to reward myself for doing sod all...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i've never been so desperate to do work before...but today i knew i should...grrrrrrrrrrrrr and now i'm home i have no motivation...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...ooops not meant to swear...screw that idea...oh and i still feel crap and i'm all worried and know i have to change myself...i hate it when teachers say stuff that i know is true but have refused to believe...they make it all that much more real...bloody hell i think i have much stuffed up inside me i haven't been this angry in so long...and i need to tell someone something but that'll start a chain of things and it'll only end badly...so that won't be happening for a while...and i'm not allowed to worry until i've done all my work...the reason i'm not doing my work is because i'm worrying and yeah...watching someone choke on half a tablet has actually terrified me of taking tablets and stuff so people need to stop telling me to take things to make myself feel better...i won't do it...i should shut up but arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i need a serious hug...

i hate being ill...and i hate it even more when my mummy says "it's too early to go to bed" GRRRRR

it's scary when news suddenly gets closer to home...and i seriously shake too much...

acting on impulse makes a bad day end slightly better...and i apparently need to go on picnics...

icing sugar...the cure for everything...for 10 minutes...

i swear i get my life back half on track and then someone goes and fucks it up again...bloody hell...i will hurt anyone who happens to mention Tim ever again...
why do people try so hard to get me back to my usual vaguely happy state only for someone else to do something that sends me falling through the floor...it takes so many people to make me smile, but only one to make me cry...how does this work?