owhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just got invited to go to disneyland and paris for 3 days...but i can't go because 1) it's over my birthday and 2) because i'm spending the middle day in Brussels with my favourite people instead =)

ah well there's always august to go to disneyland instead =)

i feel like i've achieved something today...i rarely say that but today i actually can...i've turned out all my drawers and wardrobes, rearranged my clothes and have 2 bags of unwanted/uber huge clothes to give to charity...i've baked lots of cake and eaten a considerable amount too...i feel really good about it all =)

and and and mummy bought a set of scales at the weekend, which means she's finally trusting me again to not go and starve myself, and it means i can weigh myself more to see how much weight i'm actually losing and make sure it's a good amount but not ridiculously quickly =) yaye!

*twirls making skirt go all up and happy*

so we leave school on 23rd may...it's quite soon...i'll be half glad to leave...but why, whenever pranks o nthe last day are mentioned, does my conscience get the better of me and i sit and think "is it really fair to do this...after all they've helped us get through" seriously it makes me feel ill...i don't feel right taking part in the pranks at all...oh goodness i'm a loser and a geek =/

eurgh i can't even blink without a huge desire to sleep...oh goodness...

well thank goodness that's over...well i'm really hoping it is...

it's the simple things in life that cheer me up...today i got my watch back and now everything seems good again =)

eurgh ill again...can't stand up for more than two minutes without feeling dizzy...i can just about sit up for long amounts of time but much headacheness...so in the past 2-3 weeks i've felt sick for a whole week, had a stomach bug/flu thing, had a bad cold and sore throat and now i have this...i swear my immune system is going along with my whole "i can't be bothered and if i fail, i fail" attitude...maybe i should live in a bubble...

i didn't think it could get any worse...it could...and it has...i haven't cried like this for months...

what's happened to me? i used to work so hard...now i just can't be bothered...someone told me today that i'd go out every night when i go to uni and spend so little time working...i've wasted 13 years of my life going through doing minimal work and right at the last hurdle i fall flat on my face and fail...yeah right am i going to have a social life at uni when other things are more important...like not being kicked out and such...but don't worry we only have 5 weeks left and my exams don't start in 2 1/2 weeks so it's fine that i have to spend a week doing chemistry coursework instead of revising...to the point i have to give up the one revision session i NEED to desperately go to so they can make me sit there and do this coursework...great...the last time i got work returned to mebeing told it wasn't good enough was Reception class when i didn't want to colour in stupid cars red, so i rushed it and got kept behind...yup 13 years ago was the last time my work wasn't good enough...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...the worst thing is i knew this was coming, i knew i'd missed vital stuff out...i knew i couldn't be happy for more than 3 weeks, that i had to crash sometime...generally i don't need help falling this just sped it up a bit...i don't want to go back to how i was a month ago...i don't want to be destroying myself, not eating, not sleeping, living off caffiene...i can't go back to that state...people who know me, please make sure i just hold on that bit longer...

i am leaf turning over animal...oh dearie...and according to Esther that makes me an ant =(

two weeks late...rubbish excuses...i think that's quite impressive for me...and the best thing? i don't care if i fail anymore...well at the moment i don't...that'll change on results day...stuff it...i'm going back to guillotining things...it's fun to cut paper!

can't sleep again...blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'd willingly try sleeping tablets but my mother doesn't believe in them althoguh she's currently taking them...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

so in clearing struff out of the computer this morning i stumbled across this...credit goes completely to Hannah of course =) gosh funny times =)

All of us love physics
Because it is so fun
Laughing at Mr Calladine
Making sure no work gets done
Wavelength is just boring
Snakes and ladders is cool
Trying to control the class
And destroy the school

La la la la la la la la

Force is mass times acceleration
Distances is speed over time
Something else makes the frequency
Of a pretty wobbly line
Pepsi, Pressure, Pascals
Volts can be painful
We all giggle madly
As Mr C tries to be cool

La la la la la la la la

Teacher has a death wish
Trying to kill Fran
Making us write songs
He’s a funny little man
His little boy is sweet though
But he stole my cake
We won’t do Physics A level
Its just something we hate

so when i leave home and have to cook every day for myself i'm gonna end up living on pork, chicken or turkey in bbq sauce and tinned carrots...seriously...it's like my staple diet...oh dearie me...

on the other hand i've written out 50 dates and 50 types of vases today! i've also written "date" and "shape and style" 50 times each today...i don't want to see any more note cards for a while!

i'm so bored i've resorted to revision...what the heck is wrong with me?!?!

why do i fall for it every time? why do i assume everything's gonna be good again? why don't i give up on him? this time i'm not gonna let it happen...this time i'm not gonna let him hurt me...this time i'm gonna keep going and ignore it...oh who am i kidding?!

you'd think that by now i'd learnt that if i laugh at people who are ill i'll inevitably get the same thing a bit later...but no...i laughed at those on camp who all had to spend days in the quarantine room and so guess what...i'm ill now...GRRRRRR i feel fine apart from the whole feeling sick thing, acheyness and the fact that my legs wobble every time i stand up...fantastic *rolls eyes*

EDIT: comfort eating out of boredom and loneliness, having a stomach bug and having period pain is not the best combination in the world...not making me feel any better...i'm not going to complain any more i shall just grin and bear it *pained grin*

after a discussion on my crazy eating habits:

jo: "becca, i can just imagine you and your friends getting together and sitting around drinking coffee, eating twiglets and chatting for hours"
me: "sounds familiar..."

in 2003 i went on a Christian camp in the summer to keep my friend company...since then i've been on two more summer camps and 3 easter camps...therefore spanning 6 years...every year someone has asked me if I'm a Christian and each year i've said "i'm thinking about it" so 6 years later i'm STILL thinking about it and now it's getting ridiculous...my current plan is to go to uni and find a church there but really that's 3 months away and yeah that might seem insignificant but what if i never get to uni...what's my plan then...? someone solve my problem?

also the worst thing you could say to someone trying their hardest to lose weight: "i hadn't even noticed you'd lost weight, you look exactly the same"

one of my best friends on the subject of me being posh:

"Sterry is not posh, she is as common as crap, swears like hell, takes pride in her metro collection and sleeps in a box in vts office"

and that's why i love her =)

apparently i even look posh though erm yeah right...=S