things i have learnt in the last three days:
-my friends are awesome even when i collapse on them
-my form tutor is a cow
-my form tutor as my english teacher is a bitch
-my form tutor/english teacher is actually out to get me
-i'm going to be having a shouting match with my year head on monday for more than one reason
-my mother is more than likely going to ground me for the rest opf my life when she checks her emails

oh joy...it'll be impressive if i make it to Tuesday alive...

7 weeks still stands...i have no motivation to work now...there's a level in my head and right now this level is being met...one bit more and i'll crumble...

also for the record haribo as a bribe for work fails...you eat the haribo and do no work...oh darn it...

and for you guys who know me...my mother's read my yearbook now...

7 weeks...it's so tempting but i'm not gonna let her ruin me...i can't let her get to me this much...i can't...i won't...

ahahahahahahahahaha i love my mother...hmmmmmmmmmmmm if i only could say that to her face...

i seruously do not know what is wrong with me...was really enjoying yoga then we got to lay down for 10 mins...my breathing control is getting pretty good...but then we had to get up again and i was trying hard not to burst into tears...i just felt wrong...i can't really explain it...i felt like dizzy and shaky and stuff but also empty...it was weird...it's not the first time this has happened though...it's weird...

owhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just got invited to go to disneyland and paris for 3 days...but i can't go because 1) it's over my birthday and 2) because i'm spending the middle day in Brussels with my favourite people instead =)

ah well there's always august to go to disneyland instead =)

i feel like i've achieved something today...i rarely say that but today i actually can...i've turned out all my drawers and wardrobes, rearranged my clothes and have 2 bags of unwanted/uber huge clothes to give to charity...i've baked lots of cake and eaten a considerable amount too...i feel really good about it all =)

and and and mummy bought a set of scales at the weekend, which means she's finally trusting me again to not go and starve myself, and it means i can weigh myself more to see how much weight i'm actually losing and make sure it's a good amount but not ridiculously quickly =) yaye!

*twirls making skirt go all up and happy*

so we leave school on 23rd may...it's quite soon...i'll be half glad to leave...but why, whenever pranks o nthe last day are mentioned, does my conscience get the better of me and i sit and think "is it really fair to do this...after all they've helped us get through" seriously it makes me feel ill...i don't feel right taking part in the pranks at all...oh goodness i'm a loser and a geek =/

eurgh i can't even blink without a huge desire to sleep...oh goodness...

well thank goodness that's over...well i'm really hoping it is...

it's the simple things in life that cheer me up...today i got my watch back and now everything seems good again =)

eurgh ill again...can't stand up for more than two minutes without feeling dizzy...i can just about sit up for long amounts of time but much headacheness...so in the past 2-3 weeks i've felt sick for a whole week, had a stomach bug/flu thing, had a bad cold and sore throat and now i have this...i swear my immune system is going along with my whole "i can't be bothered and if i fail, i fail" attitude...maybe i should live in a bubble...

i didn't think it could get any worse...it could...and it has...i haven't cried like this for months...

what's happened to me? i used to work so hard...now i just can't be bothered...someone told me today that i'd go out every night when i go to uni and spend so little time working...i've wasted 13 years of my life going through doing minimal work and right at the last hurdle i fall flat on my face and fail...yeah right am i going to have a social life at uni when other things are more important...like not being kicked out and such...but don't worry we only have 5 weeks left and my exams don't start in 2 1/2 weeks so it's fine that i have to spend a week doing chemistry coursework instead of revising...to the point i have to give up the one revision session i NEED to desperately go to so they can make me sit there and do this coursework...great...the last time i got work returned to mebeing told it wasn't good enough was Reception class when i didn't want to colour in stupid cars red, so i rushed it and got kept behind...yup 13 years ago was the last time my work wasn't good enough...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...the worst thing is i knew this was coming, i knew i'd missed vital stuff out...i knew i couldn't be happy for more than 3 weeks, that i had to crash sometime...generally i don't need help falling this just sped it up a bit...i don't want to go back to how i was a month ago...i don't want to be destroying myself, not eating, not sleeping, living off caffiene...i can't go back to that state...people who know me, please make sure i just hold on that bit longer...

i am leaf turning over animal...oh dearie...and according to Esther that makes me an ant =(

two weeks late...rubbish excuses...i think that's quite impressive for me...and the best thing? i don't care if i fail anymore...well at the moment i don't...that'll change on results day...stuff it...i'm going back to guillotining things...it's fun to cut paper!

can't sleep again...blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'd willingly try sleeping tablets but my mother doesn't believe in them althoguh she's currently taking them...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

so in clearing struff out of the computer this morning i stumbled across this...credit goes completely to Hannah of course =) gosh funny times =)

All of us love physics
Because it is so fun
Laughing at Mr Calladine
Making sure no work gets done
Wavelength is just boring
Snakes and ladders is cool
Trying to control the class
And destroy the school

La la la la la la la la

Force is mass times acceleration
Distances is speed over time
Something else makes the frequency
Of a pretty wobbly line
Pepsi, Pressure, Pascals
Volts can be painful
We all giggle madly
As Mr C tries to be cool

La la la la la la la la

Teacher has a death wish
Trying to kill Fran
Making us write songs
He’s a funny little man
His little boy is sweet though
But he stole my cake
We won’t do Physics A level
Its just something we hate

so when i leave home and have to cook every day for myself i'm gonna end up living on pork, chicken or turkey in bbq sauce and tinned carrots...seriously...it's like my staple diet...oh dearie me...

on the other hand i've written out 50 dates and 50 types of vases today! i've also written "date" and "shape and style" 50 times each today...i don't want to see any more note cards for a while!

i'm so bored i've resorted to revision...what the heck is wrong with me?!?!

why do i fall for it every time? why do i assume everything's gonna be good again? why don't i give up on him? this time i'm not gonna let it happen...this time i'm not gonna let him hurt me...this time i'm gonna keep going and ignore it...oh who am i kidding?!