why do i ask some questions when i know the answers will further kill me inside?

i hate this so much...

the next person to mention marriage/weddings will be very badly hurt...

there's sometimes when i want to go somewhere on the internet and just forget about life in the real world. why the hell do people bring the things i try to forget on here?

sometimes you get this feeling of loneliness, like everyone else in the world doesn't care about you anymore, like they've all deserted you, like they don't find you important anymore, when you need to talk to someone but the person you find it easiest to talk to is a part of the story, like you just want someone to notice you again and you want that feeling of being loved.

i'm so so scared this feeling will last forever

xxx

what the hell do you do when your friend is wasting her life by dropping out of school and going against her parents wishes? and now her mother wants her to move out as well.

what on earth can i say to her to change her mind. gah shove me right in the middle why doesn't she?

sometimes I wish I could read people's minds. it would make my life easier and i wouldn't worry so much about people.

that's all of my randomness tonight.

xxx

there's something wrong somewhere but i can't work out what. i'm worried but i don't know why. i'm stressed but i have no reason to be. i want to talk but no-one wants to listen. what's wrong with everyone?

i'm booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored there's no-one around anywhere. and i have near impossible chemistry to do for next tuesday and i can't do it because i can't do it neatly and therefore i'm getting annoyed with it. gah...

someone talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

xxx

well it's 1:12am and i'm totally freaked out. the fact i'm awake and alone i nthe house at this time doesn't help much. perhaps i should go to bed. g'night

thanks to all you who appeared at my house last night, you made my day totally amazing. oh and also to those(well one person) who appeared at my house the day before. i've had the best few days for a loooooooooooong time.

also i will soon be starting a "adopt-my-mummy" campaign seeing as everyone appears to love her, not too sure why that is though :s :p

at the moment, despite listening to my new CD, i still have two songs half combining in my head and they don't really fit! these songs include the words "monkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkey" and "badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger" so my brain's singing something to the effect of "badgerbadgermonkeymonkeymonkeybadgermonkeybadgerbadgerbadgerbadgermonkeySQUIDmonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeybadgerbadgerbadgerbadger" yeah you get the idea...rather random songs and yes it does say squid and not snake.

as i write this i'm watching some news thing about the beirut evacuation. it's really weird as i was in beirut in april and then in limassol, cyprus (the place where they seem to be taking them to) last week. tis very strange to think that i've been to both places before all this started happening. strangeness, random thoughts.

i also have the most amazing blue dots on my fingernails because hannah put them there and everytime i see them i do a double take and then realise it's just nailvarnish.

i also love mr scarecrow dalek because we saw him in a field on the way to RHCP on the train. the concert was amazing! totally amazing time. had great fun!

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you've probably had enough of my rambling now.

xxx

do you ever get days where you've had the most amazing day ever and then you realise that you'll never be able to relive that day? i hate feeling like that. it makes me sad like now :(

I'm staying. about 1 person will know what I mean.

blah. diaries are boring. my msn blog would be better if ihad anything to talk about. i'm been bored of the internet recently. and i hate little guides. they annoy me sooooooooooooooooo much. so does maths coursework

that is all

another day another rare blog. i'm bored. this diary is fun. i have "hidden talents" yeah right :P

I haven't written a blog on here for absolutely ages! To be honest I don't remember the last time I did.

I'm actually only online now because I'm not going into school today. I'm too exhausted and actually I'm too scared to. Too many people are spreading rumours about me which aren't true at all, and they are really hurting me, which is the reason I'm just staying at home. But if you want me to tell someone in person that can actually help me, think again.

I don't care about rumours going round or anything like that, it's more the fact that the rumours are being discussed IN FRONT OF me in lessons! That is just really annoying because I then can't avoid the hurtful comments and stuff.

Hannah I assume this is why you thought I wasn't at school? I'm sorry for not telling you the real reason and avoiding school. *hugs*

I'll see you tomorrow though I don't want to face Chemistry again.

tis a sad day today. i'm upset and tired and miserable and stuff like that.

i'm on holiday at the same time as musicalfairy? coincidence? nah i'm off to France til Sunday. luv ya all

i'm sorta more happy now. if i've shouted at you i'm sorry. i have a clarinet exam on 16th july which i'm gonna fail anda KYS audition sometime after 20th July argh not gonna get through that eeither. oops phone vibrating must go.

life is evil. school is evil. stupid grades all As and 2Cs in my favourite subjects grrrrr

hmm i still miss everyone. well i don't really. i miss Katherine so much. damn her not being able to go anywhere without being followed by her mother now. tis upsetting oh well.

i don't want any more exam results back. all of the rest of them will be one mark off the grade higher like the other 3 results i've had back. grrrrr

i miss Katherine and Emma and Fleur and Jo and Olivia and Vix and everyone :( i want Benenden to be permanant. today was the last choir rehearsal when we are all together as a choir. I'm gonna miss everyone. Please say I get through if Katherine does. I don't wanna be left :(