these are the tears i hate...the frustrated ones...the ones of hidden pain...the ones no-one knows the cause of...not even me...

so it's like my birthday on monday...i'm bloody terrified...i'm not ready to turn 17...i'm not mature enough...i'm rubbish at acting my age...my life isn't anywhere near what i imagined it to be...i want so many things to change...i can't do anything to change it...i'm so scared...

i never imagined i'd be feeling like this...i'd prayed everything would be over by now...i'm thinking i set my hopes so high...i want everything to end...metaphorically and literally...someone help?

why's everyone so bloody happy? why's everyone in a bloody couple? why am i treated like soem soort of reject? why the hell am i crying again?

i'm not a bloody tea-girl!!!!!!!!!!

that's all

http://www.virginradio.co.uk/djs_shows/shows/breakfast/features/freema.html

go listen...

happy un-birthday miss hannah!!!! :D

apart from that today's been rubbish...completely awful...

i've lost about £350 worth of clarinet...shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite :S

it hurts so badly...but i chose that option...

i have so many emotions in me...i feel so dead from them though...i don't know how to feel...i don't know what to do about anything...

i need a hug...

one day i will get over it...i will...

everything is always fine...until sunday evening...then it all goes wrong...i think i should hibernate on sundays...it's probably safer then...

one compliment and my day became amazing...all is good :)

to whoever was at school today:

i'd like to apologise for my behaviour today...i was a stupid idiot and got a bit carried away...in future just punch me yeah?

xxx

my english teacher is a cowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *angry*

perhaps if i keep looking at photos and listening to videos...it will never end...i don't want it to end...ever

proper awesome evening...but it hurts so much...

excuse what i said last night...i was in pieces...feeling sick...and just generally rubbish...this morning i woke up and didn't even remember writing anything...not that i was drunk...i was just completely out of everything...

eurgh reading old diaries and stuff again...i've gone back into those feelings...there's something wrong...no-one wil ltell me what's happening...no-one will listen to what's really hurting me inside...i can't tell anyone directly...it's too hard...

ok...seriously...i've made my decision...make yours before it happens without you being able to stop it...