i'm just an add-on...something that gets in the way...something not worthwhile...

i hate not being able to make myself feel better...i'm being watched to make sure i don't...it's crap...

i'm so scared about going away...i want to...i know he'd want me to...but it's terrifying...i've lost one of three heroes...i can't lose the other two or i'm completely lost...i have to write something to say about my uncle...it's so hard...

i'm glad one bit is all over...roll on summer...

on the other hand...5 days...i'm terrified...

sunday...monday...tuesday...that's unbelievably soon...and there;s things missing...and so many memories...and it still hasn't sunk in properly...i can't cope with all this at once...

oh bloody hell...i really can't ever get away from my life by coming on here now can i? the one last sane place is gone...fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck...

i'm off on sunday...bloody hell...

weeks...days...hours...minutes...seconds...end.

erm...i'm gonna need a hell of a lot of hugs...

oh and don't worry...it's fine to bitch about me behind my back...it can't hurt much more...let the whole world know you have a problem with me...it's just shown me who my real friends are...

so i come home from an awesome weekend and i'm in tears...i made a small mistake and now the whole world hates my guts...

and i'm still not allowed to sleep ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*snores*

apparently i'm not allowed to sleep...i'm "tired" because i'm lazy and don't want to do anything...fucking parents i can hardly keep my eyes open and that classes me as lazy and not completely tired...

yesterday was my birthday and it was one of the most awesome birthday's that i've had :) my friends are absolutely amazing and i realised so many things...one person's card nearly made me cry...i love everyone loads and loads...thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

woah 2 positive diary entries? there's gotta be something wrong :P

so this weekend has been the best in such a long time :D helping at the tour de france and activities the day before in very sexy t-shirts of course...

i love like meeting new people and being around people in like a crowd, but then something in my head makes me go quiet and scared of everyone...i hate that moment...but sleeping through it is good...like i did last night in canterbury highstreet...me sitting in a chair and covering myself in loads of jumpers...i looked like a flipping tramp...but it was awesome...

and it's my birthday tomorrow :D :D :D

these are the tears i hate...the frustrated ones...the ones of hidden pain...the ones no-one knows the cause of...not even me...

so it's like my birthday on monday...i'm bloody terrified...i'm not ready to turn 17...i'm not mature enough...i'm rubbish at acting my age...my life isn't anywhere near what i imagined it to be...i want so many things to change...i can't do anything to change it...i'm so scared...

i never imagined i'd be feeling like this...i'd prayed everything would be over by now...i'm thinking i set my hopes so high...i want everything to end...metaphorically and literally...someone help?

why's everyone so bloody happy? why's everyone in a bloody couple? why am i treated like soem soort of reject? why the hell am i crying again?

i'm not a bloody tea-girl!!!!!!!!!!

that's all

http://www.virginradio.co.uk/djs_shows/shows/breakfast/features/freema.html

go listen...

happy un-birthday miss hannah!!!! :D

apart from that today's been rubbish...completely awful...

i've lost about £350 worth of clarinet...shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite :S