so...erm...the more giggly i am, the more i hurt inside...i love being happy, but i feel awful when i realise i'm just being ridiculous and not myself...i'm not some giggling, smiley person really...it's just a mask...

things i've learnt today:
-i'm a depressed freak
-i can fake having a memory by crossing subject knowledge
-i am indeed a control freak
-i feel fine when i'm by myself, but when around people i'm not alright but i can't tell people why
-there's only one thing i can control and that's my eating, and i can't even do that properly
-you shouldn't say sorry unless you genuinely are or else no-one will believe you when you mean it

i'm a rubbish liar...

nothing's right, i hated yesterday, i've been so happy, and now it's all screwed up again...

so erm...it'll be the 6th day back at school tomorrow, and i'm already missing deadlines for homework...what the hell is going on...we have so much time to do the work in school...why is it taking me so long?

this year WILL be better than last year...eventually...

so i'm baffled...someone phoned me at 6pm on friday evening...i recognise the number, but don't know where from...it's well annoying...hmmmmmmmm

on a cheerier note:
http://www.randomkittengenerator.com/ so so sweet :)

i really hate people who try to tell me that innuendo automatically means that the implied subject the right subject...especially when it's trying to screw up what i believe...argh...

also anyone wanna do this plus stuff for me? grrrrrr

hug, please?

for the first time ever my parents are shouting at me because i don't feel like doing schoolwork...what on earth is wrong with them?

schoolioness :S

i know everyone's stressed at home a the moment, but i wish my parents would stop arguing over the bloody pathetic things, such as what's for dinner, or the flat tyre on the car...i'm fed up of it...someone take me away...

ok...so i lose one uncle at the start of the summer...and the end of the summer my uncle donald who i haven't seen in years turns up on the doorstep "just passing"...what the heck is going on here?

why does the idea of being around people scare me so much?

it's finally hit me, and now it hurts...

so while i was away i met...my friend's boyfriend's friend's ex-girlfriend...how cool yet random is that?!?!?!

i've let him down so, so much...

my mum played my uncle's guitar today...it hurt like hell...i wanted to keep it knowing he was the last to play it...now i have nothing that i know he was the last person to wear/play...

why me? i want my uncle back! *collapses in a teary heap*

reasons why my parents hate me:
-i wanted to see my uncle before the funeral...so i did and burst into tears
-i couldn't make up my mind as to which of his guitars i wanted
-i wasn't hungry
-i refused to eat due to above
-i got on well with my uncle's "partner"'s sister...and i'm not meant to
-i went shopping with above person and came back all happy
-i burst into tears in the middle of Wellington because i felt like a "spare part"
-i stole all the hot water out of the shower two mornings running
-i asked my dad whether it was cold outside
-i wanted as new pair of converses
-i ate mum's chocolate bar
-i didn't get mum a sweet on the aeroplane
-i couldn't lift one of the suitcases, and then proceeded to burst into tears in the middle on the airport when shouted at

and i'm sure there's more than that...