i've spent so long worrying about myself i've forgotten everyone else i care for...i'm sorry you guys...just because i'm feeling sorry for myself like a loser doesn't mean i don't still care...

there's so much in my head i need to say...but i can't get the word's out...it's making me explode inside...i hate it...

so i've spent the last hour clearing out old photos off the computer...and goodness i've changed quite a bit...

i found the photos of my uncle graham so i'm now happy, but i can't find any of my uncle alf...which isn't fair...

today's still rubbish though...i wish we could go back to easter and relive it again and again...i'd say goodbye to my uncle properly, email him more before july...

cramps are gay...and i'm having nightmares about going to pizza hut...along with a few other things...oh dear...and just for reference...please don't talk about boxes for the next few weeks...

i can tell things are getting to everyone...everyone snaps at everyone else...someone find me an excuse to get me out of the house, yeah?

i've lost all my photos of half term two years ago...i want them back...i need them...i can't cope with just one photo....

i remember thinking in year 7 that once you got to 6th form you didn't cry anymore...everything was perfect, nothing ever went wrong, and you knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life...i was just a tad disillusioned...it seems silly now that i was so naive...you don't ever go through life perfectly, and if you do...let me know...i want some!

tuesday 2nd october 2007...i'm so scared...

yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2tL1jbs0ppQ

i'm sick in the head...isn't that nice...

erm...his thursday milk wasn't brought in by friday, milkman told the neighbours, the neighbours told the police...

so erm...that's two uncles i've lost to smoking-related diseases(one smoked, one didn't) in the last two months...i wish God would stop taking people from me...

so...erm...the more giggly i am, the more i hurt inside...i love being happy, but i feel awful when i realise i'm just being ridiculous and not myself...i'm not some giggling, smiley person really...it's just a mask...

things i've learnt today:
-i'm a depressed freak
-i can fake having a memory by crossing subject knowledge
-i am indeed a control freak
-i feel fine when i'm by myself, but when around people i'm not alright but i can't tell people why
-there's only one thing i can control and that's my eating, and i can't even do that properly
-you shouldn't say sorry unless you genuinely are or else no-one will believe you when you mean it

i'm a rubbish liar...

nothing's right, i hated yesterday, i've been so happy, and now it's all screwed up again...

so erm...it'll be the 6th day back at school tomorrow, and i'm already missing deadlines for homework...what the hell is going on...we have so much time to do the work in school...why is it taking me so long?

this year WILL be better than last year...eventually...

so i'm baffled...someone phoned me at 6pm on friday evening...i recognise the number, but don't know where from...it's well annoying...hmmmmmmmm

on a cheerier note:
http://www.randomkittengenerator.com/ so so sweet :)

i really hate people who try to tell me that innuendo automatically means that the implied subject the right subject...especially when it's trying to screw up what i believe...argh...

also anyone wanna do this plus stuff for me? grrrrrr

hug, please?

for the first time ever my parents are shouting at me because i don't feel like doing schoolwork...what on earth is wrong with them?