i don't think i should ever have children...today my lunch consisted of pasta, bacon, cheese and apple sauce...goodness knows what would happen to them if they ate when i ate...actually no they'd die...i don't eat often enough and when i do i don't eat properly...

i'm still really scared by the fact i'm never gonna be a real aunt to anyone...nor will i ever be anyone's big sister...i hate this :S

i think i've exhausted every drop of emotion in me...i feel empty of all feelings now...i hate not knowing how i feel...

Prometheus!

ignore me...

stop asking me whay i'm not talking much
stop the fecking smoke alarm
stop with the "i didn't eat your jaffa cakes" well no-one else ate 2 and left me only 1
stop with the "you won't even sit down to dinner for more than 3 minutes"
stop with the "when i was your age, i..."

just shut the hell up and hug me and let me cry on your shoulder, yeah?

*screams*

serious:
i'm sorry for being a crap friend

sarcastic:
i'm sorry that you're a rubbish person and won't let me "run to miss van tonder every time something goes wrong"

no, it is not hilarious for you to speed up when driving past me
no, i don't give a fuck that you walked anywhere when you were young and didn't have the option of a lift
no, i don't sit there complaining i can't get the bus because i can't afford it for you to say "oh well you'll just have to walk"
no, i don't sit in ILC trying not to cry because i feel fine
no, i don't want anymore of your fucking pixie post

*screams*

Becca is just a tad happy that Top Gear is back...but worried by the fact that The Stig is now known as Cuddles :S on the other hand Becca is loving Hammond's gorgeous hair :D

heehee and today was awesome...anyone in my area wanna volunteer? let me know!

*complains* i don't like pizza...

the subtle hint to move out:

mummy: becca i know we only live an hour away from canterbury uni and it's really easy to get to and all, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and get accomodation there...
becca: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

on the other hand becca had subway today so is happy :)

things i have learnt this evening:

snails were the first animals to be herded for food
snails have lovedarts...
there is a rhubarb triangle somewhere up north(leeds, bradford and wakefield methinks)
rhubarb is not grown at gunpoint although it was suggested
if you eat NOTHING BUT rabbit you will die, so have carrots and peas too :)
alan davis can win sometimes

i'm never gonna be an auntie...i'm not even gonna be a mum...i might have already chosen names for my children(Lydia Imogen and Joshua Graham) but i couldn't cope with having them...i'm too scared that i'll get hurt...and i don't ever want to go through what some of my friends have...i can't imagine committing myself to one person for life...it's terrifying...

pathetic isn't it?

i.hate.essays.on.Othello.when.my.teacher.thinks.i'm.stupid.and.can't.do.it.myself.so.does.a.plan.for.me.which.makes.no.sense.whatsoever.argh.

the Guide Association have published some activity booklet that is effectively sex education...that's been hastily shoved away...like we're teaching them that :S

mummy says i'm not allowed coffee...then she buggers off out for the evening...like i'm gonna listen to her *coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

today's conversations:

counsellor: how're you today?
me: really good
counsellor: oh...

counsellor: if you could give a theme to your week, what would it be?
me: actually pretty amazing, apart from one day
counsellor: oh...

hahahaha she well hates me today :P

form tutor: it's nice to have you back in this form this afternoon
me: *what-the-heck-is-she-on-about look*

yeah...help?

5 hours after being given coffee by my year head, i'm still shaking...and it has nothing to do with the big cup of coffee i have sitting next to me either :S

my form tutor's advice this morning when telling me how to do the essay i haven't looked at yet because all i've been thinking about since 2 weeks ago is "funeral...": "forget about the funeral, well don't forget, just don't think about it because you need to concentrate on your work"...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

and you don't need to tell me at lunch that smoking kills...i think i know this...

erm...i'm meant to be helping at a small people evening at school tonight but have no idea what i'm meant to do...could be interesting...

i'm rather scared about tomorrow though :S

my parents are rubbish liars...
me: mum, what's wrong?
mum: *rubbing eyes* i've just got something in it...a bit of grit that's all...
me: hmmm...

me: dad what are you doing?
dad: *rubbing eyes* just rubbing my eyes...they're tired
me: hmmm...

grrrrrr

i'm such an evil cow...i'm totally rubbish...and i know i sound like i'm self-centred...but i don't mean to be...

i'm now in trouble because, although i'm eating, i'm not eating enough...

and i wish people knew how rubbish they make me feel even when they're joking about stuff...