it's 3 months today...and i miss him as much as i did the first day i found out...it's scary to think time's gone past so quickly...i want to go back to may...to hug him one last time...tell him goodbye...that i'll miss him...the only time i got to say that to him was when he was lying there like a wax model in the coffin...i can't stand it...the images are coming back...someone rub out images in my head...please?

it's time like these i wish i could take everyone's problems, put them in a bubble...then pop it and make everything go away...that or at least be able to understand how people feel...

years ago i wanted to be a counsellor...but i'd be rubbish because i'd take my work home and worry about everyone way too much

mrs h: do you understand more now?
me: no
mrs h: *shouts* becca...be more postive(or words to that effect)
me: (to shut her up) i'm joking!

i get home...i actually haven't a clue...i was actually being serious...

uh-oh

my mother has decided because i can't be trusted with scissors i am therefore irresponsible and so cannot be trusted to be put on the insurance for the car...in case i go out and kill myself in it...

fucking hell i'm not that bad...

classics essay...ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Stunning work. Thorough and scholarly. I could not ask
more of a student at your stage. Excellent"

I just found this...what the hell went wrong?...for those of you who know me...guess who wrote it! :P

car=taste the difference cheese? yeah right...*shifty look*

i don't think i should ever have children...today my lunch consisted of pasta, bacon, cheese and apple sauce...goodness knows what would happen to them if they ate when i ate...actually no they'd die...i don't eat often enough and when i do i don't eat properly...

i'm still really scared by the fact i'm never gonna be a real aunt to anyone...nor will i ever be anyone's big sister...i hate this :S

i think i've exhausted every drop of emotion in me...i feel empty of all feelings now...i hate not knowing how i feel...

Prometheus!

ignore me...

stop asking me whay i'm not talking much
stop the fecking smoke alarm
stop with the "i didn't eat your jaffa cakes" well no-one else ate 2 and left me only 1
stop with the "you won't even sit down to dinner for more than 3 minutes"
stop with the "when i was your age, i..."

just shut the hell up and hug me and let me cry on your shoulder, yeah?

*screams*

serious:
i'm sorry for being a crap friend

sarcastic:
i'm sorry that you're a rubbish person and won't let me "run to miss van tonder every time something goes wrong"

no, it is not hilarious for you to speed up when driving past me
no, i don't give a fuck that you walked anywhere when you were young and didn't have the option of a lift
no, i don't sit there complaining i can't get the bus because i can't afford it for you to say "oh well you'll just have to walk"
no, i don't sit in ILC trying not to cry because i feel fine
no, i don't want anymore of your fucking pixie post

*screams*

Becca is just a tad happy that Top Gear is back...but worried by the fact that The Stig is now known as Cuddles :S on the other hand Becca is loving Hammond's gorgeous hair :D

heehee and today was awesome...anyone in my area wanna volunteer? let me know!

*complains* i don't like pizza...

the subtle hint to move out:

mummy: becca i know we only live an hour away from canterbury uni and it's really easy to get to and all, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and get accomodation there...
becca: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

on the other hand becca had subway today so is happy :)

things i have learnt this evening:

snails were the first animals to be herded for food
snails have lovedarts...
there is a rhubarb triangle somewhere up north(leeds, bradford and wakefield methinks)
rhubarb is not grown at gunpoint although it was suggested
if you eat NOTHING BUT rabbit you will die, so have carrots and peas too :)
alan davis can win sometimes

i'm never gonna be an auntie...i'm not even gonna be a mum...i might have already chosen names for my children(Lydia Imogen and Joshua Graham) but i couldn't cope with having them...i'm too scared that i'll get hurt...and i don't ever want to go through what some of my friends have...i can't imagine committing myself to one person for life...it's terrifying...

pathetic isn't it?

i.hate.essays.on.Othello.when.my.teacher.thinks.i'm.stupid.and.can't.do.it.myself.so.does.a.plan.for.me.which.makes.no.sense.whatsoever.argh.

the Guide Association have published some activity booklet that is effectively sex education...that's been hastily shoved away...like we're teaching them that :S

mummy says i'm not allowed coffee...then she buggers off out for the evening...like i'm gonna listen to her *coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*