you know there's somethign wrong when:
-someone who lives 2 houses away comes up to you in the road and says "you've got taller...and lost a lot of weight" in the loudest voice possible...whe
-your parents don't sleep in the same room any more...
-you don't eat all week but the second the weekend rolls round you eat as if there's no tomorrow...
-you have cuts that you don't remember getting...
add my driving instructor to the list of people who hate me...i've eaten a proper meal for the first time since last Sunday...it's made me feel proper ill now though...miss vT likes my boots...that cheered me up a bit...i actually now look ill also...eurgh..
me says:
i have no idea what's going on any more...
him says:
Convienent
me says:
i'm serious...i don't know what i've done...everyon
him says:
You've been you.
him says:
And from now on.. I don't like you.
as if my self esteem isn't already through the fucking floor...i don't know what to do anymore...my life is just not worth it when all i do is screw up...
so today i've eaten a slice of bread and a bag of maltesers...at least i've eaten something...i shouldn't have though...i hate people who make me talk about stuff i really don't want to...there's this one person who makes me tell her stuff i'd really rather not...and don't worry she's not reading this...hmmmmmm
i wish my mum would go away...serious
so...having a bad day...uber stressed and have no idea how to answer "what's wrong?"...i don't know the answer...i've eaten too much today...one and a half teacakes and a few biscuits...tha
about 2 years ago, my form tutor gave us this poem...i don't remember why she gave it to us or anything but since then it's always stuck in my head...i actually love this poem by Ruyard Kipling...i'm not quite sure why, but that's not the point...
If
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
stop playing cancer adverts at me!!!!!!!!!!!! tomorrow shall be incredibly hard...it'll mark a year since my mum's friend died, a year since my "second mum" died, a year since i first experienced death and understood it, a year since everything changed for me completely, a year since i realised you can't go through life thinking "that'll never happen to me", a year since i started to learn who really matters in my life...
please don't hurt me if i'm not quite right for the rest of this week...
english corusework is incredibly difficult whe nyou can't remember where you put the book that you're writing it about...bugger
all i want is for someone to hug me and tell me "everything will be alright" because i just need someone to make me feel better even though i know it won't be alright in the end because it never is...
arghhhhhhhhhhh
and now the house has to be silent because she's trying to read some stupid book...yet i'm meant to be doing something more productive than reading when i want to read...fucking hell...so i put my music on quietly because i can't stand silence and she went mental and stormed out of the room and has now shut herself in another room...i thought i was meant to be the stressy one...and i have no clothes dry for tomorrow but apparently "that's my problem"...i have no idea how my clothes can be dry by tomorrow when it's "having the heat on is unnecessary money wasted" and she moans when i say i'm cold wearing goodness knows how many layers and my gloves"
*screams*
being ill is gay...
not being able to taste coffee is gay...
being rejected from Nottingham is gay...
being told i look dead is gay...
having to explain a stanza in English with minimal voice is gay...
mum trying to talk to me about my "sessions" is gay...
getting a conditional offer for Reading is not so gay =)
being bought a new suit is not so gay =)
vT being uber nice to me for no reason is not so gay =)
laughing at vT because she had a meeting with the head while i went shopping was not so gay =)
being bought new boots AND shoes is not so gay =)
mrs h giving us display work to do in a DISS lesson is not so gay =)
today has been a pretty balanced day...not quite sure if i should be happy or not...being ill makes me sleepy though
driving in the dark hurts my eyes muchly...
also i don't like being ill...i'm never ill...and i'm not allowed any time off school either...my attendance must reamin at 96% over the year...that means no illness...eurg
on the other hand becca apologises for her gay moodswings earlier and crying because her peppermint creams were insulted...she
The University of Birmingham Q820 Oct 2008 Unsuccessful 31-Oct-2007
enough said...
the most worrying thing about "The Aeneid: The Musical"...it was made specifically for educational purposes...oh dearie
i can listen to people
i can hug
i can't make people feel better
i can't give good advice
i can't find a decent recipe for peppermint creams
so i'm not getting put on the insurance of the car...which is fair enough but now my parents won't shut up about it...which is just a tad annoying...GRR
while researching the "wandering womb" that Greek women had, i have discovered many university papers on it...erm yeah quite worried about what american/canad
4 essays due by friday...
english lit: duffy
english lit: coursework
classics essay: women in tragedies
classics coursework: question unknown...uh-o
i now know why my mum's being so evil towards me...
i hate working with my mother...loads of children came into the shop and she was all polite and nice to them, then the second they went i got shouted at, moaned about, given all the slave jobs...it's unbelievable that my mother can change so quickly...
on the other hand i got to cuddle Elysia(i think that's how I spell her name) today...Elysia is the 10 month old daughter of one of the shop's owners and she oh so cute...and one day I'll be her babysitter...a