Life is so damn good. Chirs is so wonderful and soon he'll be mine mine mine mine!!!!!!!!

I feel so used. :( I also feel like I am bad friend. Maybe I shouldn't have friends cause I only make them mad and then they don't give a crap about me. AHHHHH I want to leave this heck hole so bad, but no the stuiped milaryt put us her in El Paso. 

OMG FREAKING GOD!!!!!!!!!! My best friend from when I was in 2nd grade just found me on myspace!! I've been looking for her for like ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
(I never meant to be so cold)
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

~~~Crossfade~~Cold

I know I've done a lot of thing I shouldn't have. Said a lot of things that hurt people. It seems like everyone I know is mad at me, or at least everyone I care about. And I think the one I hurt/pissed off most was Cullen. And I still stand by what I say, he's still my Bestest Buddy in the Whole Wide World. Because no matter how much we've pissed each other off, out friendship always seems to come back. And then theres Alex. The one who was told by everyone and there grandma I broke him and Ashley up. It's not true, I told her to do what would make HER happy. That's all I wantted for the two of you, to be happy and if that ment not being together, well then I guess it's time to face the truth. I hurt a lot of people and I guess I just wanna say sorry. You can forgive me or not, but just know, Cullen your my bestest buddy and Alex your my very over protive big brother, and that's not going to change.

I can't take it anymore myfriends are falling apart. The guys don't spend time with the girls and the girl ignore the guys. I know why I ignored one guy but that was MY reson and I'm sorry to all the guys I really am I caused a lot of drama and didn't help make Friday any better by sitting in my own sadness. From now on I'll be a better friend and there will be no more drama caused my me. Saturday will be pretty good I swear or someone is going to get there head cut off.

I have something to tell everyone I know outside of elf town and this is probley the best way. I am over my crush on Cullen, for good. If you want to know you should ask maybe I'll tell maybe I won't.

Ok I'm sorry for what I wrote I was really upset don't mind me.

I now knows what it feels like when no one cares for you. Right now it's me against the world. And while I'm here I'm going to do a thank you page. 

Mommy: Thank you for always being there and listening to me go on and on about kingdom hearts when you don't really care.

Death Rouge: Thank you for being and ass. It means a lot.

Midnight: Thanks for being a duck. And I'm really am sorry for all that stuff you mailed me about you should have told me I'll stop. Promiss.

Shadow: You opened my eyes to a lot thanks. You can be and A** and most of the time you are, But really I'd be so damn lost without ya.

And finally;

Kitch: Thank you for listening to everything I BMC about. And trust me what you told me before on wendsday, it hurt but in a good way. It broke my little world and now broken myself but it opened my eyes to how broken my relationship and my life was. Thanks.

I'm confused lately so please don't mind any of the dumb shit I'm bound to say I have a lot on my plate but I promiss you I'm slowly cleaning it off. I just need a little more time then I can be my old self again! PROMISS!!! Peace

YAY!!! Two new friends that are crazy about Kingdom Hearts just like me!!!! Kingdom Hearts 2 is so damn cool!!!!

My life is messed up. But you kow what I'm going to deal with this. Mommy is right. If you don't like yor life, fix it, no one else is going to do it for you. I have a good life, and My friends are wonderful. I should and am thankful for that.

Now I know how it feels to think you found the guy and then have your heart ripped out and throw on the ground.