The days are passing by too fast, and the nights grow colder. As I can sense the pain coming closer, my art, my poetry and my devastation become slowly stronger. Every day a new discovery, every day a sense of vision. The sorrow feeds me the fuel that I need to be depressed, to be creative, to be dark. I wish that i could just sit in front of a pallet of paint, canvas, sketch pencils and paper just for one day, 24 hours. I'd crank my music, scream, out loud and just create. Bring to life all that is in my head, the frustration, the passion, the love. If only given the chance, I would, but until then I will rely on what little time I have left with my love and hold him until the day he has to let go.
The story of my life, this goes out to a certain mother fucker and her bitch. Mess with me again...I dare you!
I need, I hope, I want
Just say it, Say it to my face
It's not that hard
Get me hyped, get me pissed
Let me release what I got
Built up inside
No longer wanting to hide
Just ticking until the day
IT EXPLODES
On you, with a left and a right
To your mask
To the makeup that holds you sane
Driven into the insecurities
Wail upon your shame
Strike the fear
Retrieve the pain
Tear it open
Let it drain
With the dears
Cry
Scream
Beg
Beg for forgivness that wont come
Give up
Remain Ashes to Ashes
Dust to dust
You flip the switch
You get what you deserve
If only one could understand the fear I am sensing. The reoccurence of a dark memory clouds my mind and my 11 months of lonliness approaches. The fear of a repetition is growing and I feel as though I will shut down. I will enjoy his protection as long as I can, until I am on my own, and the fear becomes real...
The day of his departure grows nearer and nearer and I'm sitting her left with my thoughts. What seems like years, is only 11 months, and yet I cannot bear it. Every day for these last couple of months I have spent every moment that I had in your arms, and knowing that they won't be there kills me. With this said I am making a pact with myself not to break, not even crack. I will stay strong for the one I love and dream of the day he returns. I love you Alex, and nothing and nobody will ever change that.
The childishness of the few, the proud, and the fucking ugly is becoming extremely old. Denial, dishonesty, and rumors are really pissing me off. She hurts those that she calls her friends and then they come to me for comfort. I don't mind being there for them, but there isn't n e reason for their pain. If I wasn't 18 I would kick her ass all over again. Jordan, if u read this, stop the fucking shit, quit hurting linnea, and worrying about fixing ur own fucked up and worthless life, I hate you and hope u take my advice and jump off a cliff into sharp, jagged rocks! Honestly, nobody would miss u if u did.
Just had to make one happy lil note...for all of you who know and probably hate (forget the sorrow), her and I got into a lil quarrel this past weekend, and of course I won but the lil bitch was trying to grab my boobs! Sick huh? So basically I told her that "homie don't play that" and she later busted out crying because she didn't get the full contact feel up she was hoping for...sry HON some of us don't like that kind of touch...but don't worry, you have plenty of urself to rub ur butter fingers along. PEACE OUT ALL!
I'm almost your average joe-siphina, but I have my shining moments of just plain weirdism. I have strong passion for painting, poetry, and idiotic stunts. I'm what a psychiatrist would call "special". I have friends, yay for me, but most are guys. There is a deep meaning to this, but to put it in simple terms...GIRLS SUCK! Yes I have friends who are girls, but don't fret ladies for you should not be offended, for If thought u truly sucked I wouldn't consider you my friend now would I? Anyhoo, I tend to express my feelings of the day, week, month, whatever, through poetry. Would you like a taste? Well open wide cause this is the representation of a day from hell:
Tell me why the pain won't stop
I feel it everyday
but for no reason
It lives, it breaths
inside of me
Like spawn of satan
Burning and screaming
I wish to
Just go off somewhere
Far from here
Far from society
The life in front of me
Whatever it's supposed to be
Away from the foes and the friendly
and just Scream
Just release all within me
Shatter glass with my fist
Kick to pieces the oaks of our past
Small pieces like my thoughts
All distorted
crazy
can't explain.
More hatred then love
then fear itself
Pray for death
death of drama, of tear
End the drear
Pull me up from the ashes
clear the dust
life shows through
A shadowy figure
dismembered and beaten
But alive
looking for the fight of her life
I just need the rush
I need the adrenaline
Heh can't quite remember why I was so pissed, but it most likely involves an overly dramatic fat bitch who loves to threaten to beat my ass down behind my back and spread rumors about me to the who don't know me!!! GRRRR! UGGGG! whew! Alright i'm cool, BUT SHE'S NOT SO SHE SHOULD BURN IN THE DARKEST PORTION OF HELL! Ehem...anyways