To Kill Tonight

You tell yourself that you don't care,
Because you ignore all your fears.
The buzzing lights and buzzing flies;
You never care before you die.
The midnight sky and midnight stars;
Your brightest light was always dark.
Before you die, your darkest hour,
You lay in bed, in fear you cower,
You drink the poison that brings end to you,
You think of things you'll never do,
You churn inside, I know this pain,
I yurn to say we're all the same-
All in a cell all with our own key,
Buried within yet too far to reach.
Hand in hand we pull together,
Weaving the road for untold futures.
Whatever will come will fall into place.
To kill tonight is to fall from grace.

Cause and Effect

I am lost between two lives,
So I start my own in my mind.
Decisions, decisions in my head...
The fallen fall into forfeit.
And all this, all this everywhere,
Everything defined into the smallest square.
It's senseless and yet it is instinct,
To simplify on how we aught to think.
Confusing, torn between the two-
Abnormal with normal looking through.
The circle, such a vicious world;
Infinity remaining new and old.
Analyzing with conclusion to be made-
It is you who creates your own fate.
So go, go create your own.
Revolute, break away from what you know.
In the end of the day one road travelled by,
Causes the effect of every way.

Deadlocked in a Dilemma

It feels like hitting hell,
When no one else is here for...
You feel like you don't care,
When no one else is careful.
It feels like hitting hell,
When you know you're not cared for.
The secret you won't tell,
When you look in the mirror.
You gave yourself some hell,
And now you look for heaven.
The demons in your head,
Torture you forever.
An answer to your prayer,
Eternally you wait for.
An answer you won't get,
Because clearly you're not cared for.
When you're lying in your bed,
Dreaming up an answer.
Come morning you'll forget,
And pretend to be hopeful.
As if you didn't care,
Until you remember.
You want your wounds to mend,
Before your life is over.
To throw away regret,
Have a life and have it all-
This is if only and what if,
You weren't restricted from love.
The choice it still exists.
Will you keep on being hopeful?
As you clench your fist,
You dwell on your dilemma.

Peace, Love, Lies

I get distracted easily by mirrors.
All they attract is inner humour.
I stop to stare and I look and laugh-
Laugh at the face of my better half.
Suprisingly he doesn't laugh back,
He looks with disapointment as he turns his back.
Then I realise it's me who's walking away;
Broken glory but no pain to display.
In the dark a broken heart, yes I saw the tears.
A lions power in its' darkest hour even has its' fears.
Where was I with altered mind when you needed me?
I returned and stomach churned, oh God how could this be?
Grab a gun, open fire but it was too late.
Peace, love, lies, broken eyes, God is far from great.
Nothing said leaves all repressed with one more broken soul.
I'd ask God why but He'd only lie, these prayers are getting old...
This vicious circle sends us back in time delaying any progress.
That heavinly bullshit up in the sky is only a burden above us;
Leading youth to mutalate and celebrate their hate,
Without fear if they believe that God is at the gate.

My Place and Your Time

When my light burns out,
I must replace it?
To sort my life out-
I cannot fake it.
It is this chair that I lay.
And watch it go by...
It is here that I stay.
It is now that I lie.

I'm tied by the stress!
I'm torn by the noise.
My mind is a mess,
I ponder a choice:
One road or another?
But to where do they go?
And to whom is not my brother-
I say, "I don't know!".

They go to a place,
Beyond existing reach.
One: Whole human race;
To which I will preach.
Two: Beyond the grave,
And do it again.
The right way I crave!
Worse now to then.

This light left the alter.
I cut myself deep...
Blood thicker than water,
From eyes that do weep.
Light equals time-
My time is up.
Broken is mine;
So I just give up.

From Nobility to Iniquity

I felt the hand of God on me,
Kneeled down and prayed for some release.
I wondered how He let this be-
Me in a cell and you set free.
I observe with my eyes shut tight.
For best effect it's best at night.
No devils in my head today-
My sanity drove them away.
Maybe it's evil speaking now...
It always finds it's own way out.
No conclusion to this debate;
Half full of love, half full of hate.
Who I am, I cannot tell,
Either from heaven or from hell.
My memory keeps failing me,
Don't know what was or what will be.
Is all of this a waste of time?
Should I do something more sublime?
The future holds some work to do.
I hate to work but must pull through.
I must ignore all distractions-
All devil noises and actions.
I hold the key to my own fate.
As devils rise, angels wait...

The Plight of my Affinity

Bestowed in my mind,
My soul and my eyes-
Your face, I'm cold.
This place, not old.
What's up, I hate,
You fuck, You rape,
My mind, my soul,
My eyes, no control.

The Faithfull and the Fallen

Now I see the unfair light,
Once stricken from my blinded sight.
And all this for my common Queen,
For seen in last night's but a dream...
All this has been taken away-
It's taken every painful day.
Demons evil have beaten her,
Like Apollyons possesive drums of Pearl.
Him and all His contradictions;
I forever have His damned restrictions.
Have them although I do not want them.
To be, that is the ultimate question.
Begrudge him I do but do not desire,
Then again if I didn't I would live a liar.
Lose I always all my mirth,
To go to sleep and leave this earth.
To go to endless sleep tonight?
Lose I always all my might...

Subconscious Summary

Let me express myself in terms that I can stress.
Let me express myself in terms I understand.
Let me help you see and recognize,
My inability to keep you living life.
Is this another process? If so it is the third.
But were you paying attention to the two before?
One of life and one of death it's no coinsedence,
How things connect and break our heart and I lose all reverence.
I preach the words that come to me by sussing all the signs.
I do not think I just listen and it's I that they do find.
Understandable terms as I once said I strongly do believe in.
The problem seems to be to me that inside me it's killing.
As I retrieve these visions and make connections I realise that life,
Is a parradox so unorthadox and an impasse so most plight.
This distinctive vibe I can't describe never does conclude.
It's left up to me if I believe they do not just delude.
From time to time if time is mine I may earn an epiphany.
At harder times I must work for it to keep my self-control busy.
With the love factor of glory's girl in terms pre-recognized,
I hope to God that this facade in me won't always hide.
And I hope some day understandable terms will be worshipped and supported,
So the plan to damage my own interests will gladly be aborted.
And whatever destiny awaits me from this moment gone,
My purpouse filled, I hope it will, and hope will carry on.

One Weak End

We could have been sober,
But we were together.
We have never been envied,
And that is not satisfactory.

We could have been sober,
But the drugs took over.
Now we dance in fire.
It burns as we prespire.

We could have been sober,
But I'd have never told her.
Coldness over you and me-
Ice between our unity.

We could have ben sober,
But it doesn't matter,
Because there is no remembrance;
All that's left is silence...

The Process of Death During Life

When death is brought around,
Coinsedences are bound.
I've gone twice through the process-
One of life and one of death.
I've blown the smoke away,
When I've wanted it to stay.
I've cleared the smoke by breathing.
My breath of life misleading...
I blew it by mistake;
I succeeded in that make.
But now I light the torch again.
On a burning flame my life depends.

Malversation

Carve my eyes out, it's 1-2-3-5 again.
Got your fetor, it's all over my skin.
Black birds wait at the back door-
Thirst for blood, they're groaking for much more...

Reckless mind, vivacious impatience.
You are my soulfull malfeasence.
Detriment sources of malice.
Increasing guilt of certain offences.

Malefactors use malversation.
Full time actor, imbecilic asination.
Soporific through her apparition.
I quixotic, caused by imperfection.

One more time, fatality intervene.
Testify, no mistake of misdeem.
Calamition, nefarious deviant.
Incubation on me from a miscreant.

Indecisions come back to be ruinous.
Hesitations between the two of us.
Apollyons no more, he's done with you and me;
Now opens up the door to the core of our unity.