constantly surrounded by your unwanted hatrid for me...like the virgin i am tortured with the smell and desire of sex hung infront of me ... i want it , i want you , yet i can not have you. for you do not exist and i am not pretty. my world pointless. the result of my yearning , pain , the result of my pain , harm , the result of my harm , pain , get a hint of the pattern? if you existed and if i was not surrounded by hatrid would i be better? would everything be okay? or is it all just a mythical excuse for reality? like a number i am insignificant a prototype for your hysterical surreal world...yet i am so full of imperfections that i would only create disorder and chaos within your beautiful world. perhaps armed with a paper bag i shall be accepted and looked up to only because they cannot see me..then it rains and my bag weakens and my soul is frightend for when that bag finally breaks i shall be beaten and banished from society for i am not you and i can never be you. i am the insignificant one i am the broken prototype i am the one you fear yet like you i also hate myself....if only my identity spilled out when the blood does then life could be better...with each cut i can modify myself i could recreate myself into you. what a beautiful thing to be you to be perfect in every way yet so fuked up and tomented but that just adds to my like for you, each of your insecurities moulds the perfect person you are , i told you once and you failed to see that you and only you is the only one who can change everything i would dote on your every desire just to be accepted by you and to feel wanted although inside i will know that i am not...i am weak and useless but in an attempt to change that i shall stop breathing and let the purple consume me..

i will continue to save my diary for vampire freaks. if by some random choice you wish to read my insanity i am lightless-mind once again.