Sorry to those who oppose this. I was feeling hyper, silly, and poetic all at the same time.

He’s home from work, tie and suit
Blonde hair slicked back, grabs some fruit
Heads for the bedroom, sheds his clothes
Nets his legs with pantyhose
Pulls on pleather skirt and ties the bow
Shaves off the hair that since last time he’s grown
Snaps on the water bra, pulls on a halter
God is ashamed to see this man at the alter
Puts on his wig, big hair he now sports
Pink boas with feathers and mini shorts
He rubs on foundation, rosy pink blush
Powder purple eye shadow, mascara brush
Plucks his eyebrows, rubs on eyeliner
This man just keeps getting finer and finer
Spiked heals and beautiful to a certain degree
This ordinary man is transformed into a she.

To Tanya Jean Wilson, my bestest buddy forever:

It's days like this I miss you most. Days when it snows, reminding me of those snow fights we used to have in the winter when we were in 5th grade. These days are lonely and sad, and I find myself writing letters to you, which are locked in the wooden chest under my bed- there are piles of them. Someday I will send them.
Days like this a hug and a greeting from a friend isn't the same as the, "What's up homeskillet biscuit" and a punch I always used to get from you. Thinking back on the last you gave to me, I remember tears and a large yellow moving truck- you were crying too. I sat on the stump in your yard, the same stump we used to kneel by and eat oatmeal cookies and milk on when we were little, and cried all day long. When the sun set and darkness blanketed the city, there I sat, thinking of you. By then you were in Illinois.
Some days I return to that stump and study the drawings before going home. Some days I write my letters. Some days I simply think of you, and smile, and be happy for the times I had you with me. Though we go our separate ways, I'll never forget the memories we made. Don't ever forget me- I'll never forget you.

Why do guys enjoy looking at my body?
There's only 32-B size boobs to survey, a bubble ass, and a stomach that is relatively flat but kind of pale, due to my overtime on Elftown over the summer.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to ask myself questions when I don't even know the answer. If I knew, would I be asking? Gawd.

I'm going to the movies with Savannah!! We're going to go see Raise Your Voice... lol
It looks okay... Is it just me, or is Hilary Duff on a movie-making spree? Hm.
Lindsay Lohan, too... Like, battle for the scripts! lol

Yay!!! I'm so happy right now.
My best guy friend in all of eternity asked me out!!! I might go to the movies with him and some friends... GROUP DATE! lol
Sorry if I sound happy and girlie. That's really not like me. But most guys I know are scared of me, simply because I wear a safety pin in my ear and I'm not afraid to use it. Is that such a crime?

*sigh*
I pierced the skin on the back of my hand. I didn't hit a vein, though. I think it looks neet-o. I've even got a bellybuttong ring through it.
It was infected for a time (i did it with a safety pin... they're not all that safe) but I used antibiotics and i'm all better.
It's sexay. My sister did it too.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm totally psyched about FFXII! First of all, I am already in love with Vaan (so bishi... *faints*) and Ashe seems like a neat character... Someone I could relate to. Plus, those Veila or whatever seem to be a very interesting species (hot hot hot, my father puts it. -_-)
While surfing the web in my spare time, when Elftown was giving me shit, I stumbled across the English site: http://www.ffxii.com (no kidding) and was very, very intrigued the moment I saw it.
So go there, read, and..... I dunno. Heh

Hmm... More useless knowledge from the dusty corner of my mind...
A "dork" is actually a whale's penis... Meh. So next time you get called a dork, or you call someone a dork, one of you is a whale's penis. Heh heh.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?






KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.

PLATO:
For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY:
Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road". And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER:
It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

BILL CLINTON:
"I did not have an improper relationship with that chicken."

LOL I got these off some website... don't remember the name though.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Oh god. These just crack me up