Well u know guys can really make you feel like shit some times, even when u shouldn't.....Its really depressing but i'm trying to like put all that stuff aside and not worry about it....Its kinda hard but i only worry about when i have time to think to myself...and i have alot of time so i've been watching alot of movies lately to keep my mind from wondering lol does that make since??? You know i wish i was a better person....See for some reason i tend to be a tease, but then again i'm not realy well i don't try to be...I just talk to alot of ppl then those ppl think i care for them more than what i do...oh and i'm not talkin about cameron i'm talking about other guys..and i love everyone so when i say i love u it doesn't always mean i love u like u know like i wanna be with u...but u never no it might but if it is like that i will tell u....sorry i'm sure u don't want to here about this but its what is on my mind so deal...lol or u don't have to read these...lol well i'm off to watch another movie HIDE AND SEEK....oh its supposed to be scarry....oh i hope so ....hehehehhe mwuahhhhh...well tata

Well i think i slept all day today!!!!! i don't know why i've been so tired lately..I'm probaly going to be up all night tonight, cause i slept until six in the evening..lol i'm a dumbass..But yeah and i have to get up before one tomorrow cause i'm going to Lake Texoma which is really close to my dads house where i'm currently staying for the summer...Oh and i most likely will be staying the night at my cousin jessica's(i think its hers not really sure) cabin..It will be fun either way...My foot is asleep and once again i'm hungry..You know i need some pills or something, well i don't need i want..See i used to be a pillpopper and i quit and now i crave for pills, it might be bc i'm so bored all the time now,, cause i'm not allowed to leave the house here unless its with family..OMG its sucks!!!!!You know guys can be so sweet and they make u feel like u belong with them, and everything seems so perfect oh and that is when they become assholes...Then instead of breaking up with them like u should you stay with them bc you think that they're not being themselves and they'll start being sweet again...but i found out the hard way a couple of times that its not like that...I haven't been with one guy who treats me right and it kinda sucks ass...but hopefully one day i will meet the right guy...oh shit my show is on Degrassi..well gtg i'll write more later...Goodday to whoever reads these

You know i'm a christian....and i'm usually always happy but i'm just very lonely,depressed,and messed up in the head right now....I'm homesick for one.....Secondly i'm through with guys but not sure if i wanna be(i'm not bi or lesbian either)...and there is just something missing in my life right now...I don't know what it is..I do know its a hole in my heart that keeps gettin bigger...that makes my eyes water so much but never drop a tear!!...well i think i have to go!! good day or nite to everyone

Omg!!!!!Someone got on my elftown and changed my description.....i changed it back though....only a few people have my password though!!!i'm kinda mad!!You know i miss all of my friends though...I'm ready to come home..but when i go home i will still miss one of my friends cause he lives somewhere else...its very depressing...well not really...its just sad...well i'm hungry thats normal..Blah Blah Blah i'm gonna die..or float away ..i wonder if like i layed down and just imagined that i was going somewhere for like a really long time if i would wake up and just be there...like a dream but it would seem so real....and then i would wake up and be back in my own misery...lol i'm a freak...jk so whats up lol u can't answer me this is a diary!!!!!!!! Does anyone actually read these things if u do please write me a message and tell me!!!! You know i had this really cool Bf, but he seems so confused and if he reads this he will probaly confuse himself more, cause he won't understand what i'm talking about and i'm not really sure if i do so cameron if u read this don't ask!!!!Anyways yeah i really love him but there is just so many people that i just don't know how to say it....But its like me broken hearted even though its my fault we are broken up...i'm not even sure that he is the reason my heart hurts ...it could be someone else who i lost because i'm an idiot.....but u never no....I know i love Cameron though...See i'm a confused person to so i think i should just stay single so i don't hurt myself and whoever else....well sorry for boring and u and probaly confusin u at the same time!!!!!

Hmm today...is an okay day i guess...besides the fact that i broke up with my bf....i get to see my older brother today who i haven't seen in three years so its awesome!!!!!well i think i have to go but i'll write more later

i'm so tired!!!! its 4 o'clock in the morning and i'm on the phone with my bf...i'm fucking hungry and there is no food to eat and i'm gonna die!!!!!!!omg argghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!lalalaladedede my mind isn't really thinking right now...whoa this is weird my head is like kinda blank.....