u know when people say they hate the world and the life sucks and they want to die...well i never understood how anyone could feel like that..but now i do and i feel like that now and its not a good thing

today wasn't a very good day....its gettin better now but yeah school was horrible...Like i'm not used to being alone all the time but recently i have been..i don't know why but its like i'm being excluded from everything even from my own friends but all of this would be my fault..i know it is..Because recently i've been keeping to myself and yeah its like each day i get more depressed...well i'll write more later

Well its been a long while since i've wrote in here..lol well all of my good friends have moved and its very depressing..Basketball has just started and i'm happy..My grades are good besides my drama/speech class..i actually got a D thats a first for me..i'm gettin my wisdom tooth removed on wedns..hmm lets see i don't like any guys really but my ex bf kris wants to go back out with me and like i guess i like him but i don't think i should go back out with him but i don't know what i'm going to do..i said i liked him but i don't trust any guys anymore at all...they are all liars even the nice ones are mean...well gtg i'll write more later

Hmmm me and Cameron broke up awhile ago!! Yep i would have said something but i haven't been home to get on the computer....i still love him to death though...its just we are only friends...but i really do like this guy named John well not like love.....i met him a couple of years ago...and i loved him then to lol...yeah but school has just started for me and i guess its going okay..but yeah my first day i broke my nose playing softball...now that really sucked ass..oh and then there are two foreign exchange students...i consider them my friends but i don't hang out with them all the time...Oh and this year is very different then last year...Like 5 of my friends are moving and then my friends that are still here are going to vo tech so basically i'm going to be a loner this year which is very unusual for me and i don't like it...but i guess it will give me time to concentrate on school and possibly get good enough grades to go to a good college...see i make all a's well except one b without even trying so i think if i try i could possibly get all a pluses and yeah i'm taking ap classes this year so that will bring up my gpa...yep and i'm playing highschool sports...well thats all i feel like saying for now...ttyls

Hey everyone guess what happened today!!!!!!!!! Me and Cameron started going back out....yay!!!! its a very good thing i'm telling u!!!!yep yep it is...He is so awesome!!! He's like the sweetest guy ever..oh he can be mean though but i don't care!!! oh that poem that wrote ..its on my description its called You...yeah its about cameron....yep yep...Oh and another good thing is I go home tomorrow!!! well thats all for now!! ttyls

hmm right now i'm very very exhausted but i'm going to stay up for the rest of the day...lol...welll umm i have alot on my mind again..but i'm not going to write it lol...But its ok...hmm i should probaly right it down..but it would hurt my head to think of what words to type first..maybe i will put it some other time when my brain is functioning correctly...well thats all for now ttyl

Ok i have alot on my mind right now and i would like to get it out...lol....Anyways in the bible somewhere it says something like Treat others as u want to be treated...something like that not really sure...But i have been thinking about this...Ok a couple of minutes ago i decided to make myself some ramen noodles cause u know i was really hungry....and i told my sis that i was making them and she asked me to make her some...and i was like no u can make some urself...well when mine were done all of sudden it popped into my head what would jesus do and u know i figured he would make her some...so i gave her mine and made me some more...Well i believe i did a good thing there...but now i'm thinking would it be a sin if like some bully at school told u to do something that would humilate urself....do u do it...bc i'm sure if u got the chance to do that to them...wouldnt u want them to do what u asked them to....well i wouldn't want to humilate someone like that...i mean i've thought about it before..but i don't like to be mean to anyone...So anyways do u as they said or do u just walk away???? well thats all i have to say...oh and now my little bro just asked me to make him so ramen noodles....damn it to hell....do u always have to do this thing??? well now thats all i have to say...lol

You know i'm proud to say i listen to country music!!!!!!lol like it matters....Oh and guess what i have no manners at all what so ever...i talk back to my mother alot...which that i know i shouldn't and i'm going to try to stop, i never clean my room its a disaster, i have backstabbed some of my friends but i truly regret it.....ummm i love alot of people and almost all of them love me back....hmmm i don't know why i'm talking about this stuff, but i'm glad i am, because i'm happy right now...thats good,,,everyone should be happy,not constantly but you shouldn't be sad, its just depressing....lol i read someone elses diary that says something like that and i'm not copying i just think the same thing about that well i have to go....ttyls

Hmmmmmm....what should i talk about today??? oh i know,,, okay like during summer time i have a problem with sleeping,i stay up all night long everynight until around six in the morning, sometimes i don't sleep at all....Its just because during the summer I have more time to think, and i really just can't sleep....Like omg last night, the most disgusting thing ever happened...ewww i almost puked or did i...i've slept since then...anyways ya we just got this new adorable taco bell dog...i don't know how to spell the actual name of that kind of dog so i call it the taco bell dog....But anyways back to the story....the dog has worms..oh and its a little puppy, and last night it was sleeping in my lap while i was on the computer...Then i feel something wet on my legs, and i'm thinking damn it the dog pissed on my again, so i lift her up and there is fucking worms all over me....**tears running down my face now** Oh and did i mention one of them was crawling up my shorts...thats what made me cry, and thats what disgusted me the most, yeah no dog with worms is sittin in my lap again not ever...Now isn't that just nasty????? yes it is and if u don't think so then ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!well anyways i gtg i'll write more later....

Well u know guys can really make you feel like shit some times, even when u shouldn't.....Its really depressing but i'm trying to like put all that stuff aside and not worry about it....Its kinda hard but i only worry about when i have time to think to myself...and i have alot of time so i've been watching alot of movies lately to keep my mind from wondering lol does that make since??? You know i wish i was a better person....See for some reason i tend to be a tease, but then again i'm not realy well i don't try to be...I just talk to alot of ppl then those ppl think i care for them more than what i do...oh and i'm not talkin about cameron i'm talking about other guys..and i love everyone so when i say i love u it doesn't always mean i love u like u know like i wanna be with u...but u never no it might but if it is like that i will tell u....sorry i'm sure u don't want to here about this but its what is on my mind so deal...lol or u don't have to read these...lol well i'm off to watch another movie HIDE AND SEEK....oh its supposed to be scarry....oh i hope so ....hehehehhe mwuahhhhh...well tata

Well i think i slept all day today!!!!! i don't know why i've been so tired lately..I'm probaly going to be up all night tonight, cause i slept until six in the evening..lol i'm a dumbass..But yeah and i have to get up before one tomorrow cause i'm going to Lake Texoma which is really close to my dads house where i'm currently staying for the summer...Oh and i most likely will be staying the night at my cousin jessica's(i think its hers not really sure) cabin..It will be fun either way...My foot is asleep and once again i'm hungry..You know i need some pills or something, well i don't need i want..See i used to be a pillpopper and i quit and now i crave for pills, it might be bc i'm so bored all the time now,, cause i'm not allowed to leave the house here unless its with family..OMG its sucks!!!!!You know guys can be so sweet and they make u feel like u belong with them, and everything seems so perfect oh and that is when they become assholes...Then instead of breaking up with them like u should you stay with them bc you think that they're not being themselves and they'll start being sweet again...but i found out the hard way a couple of times that its not like that...I haven't been with one guy who treats me right and it kinda sucks ass...but hopefully one day i will meet the right guy...oh shit my show is on Degrassi..well gtg i'll write more later...Goodday to whoever reads these

You know i'm a christian....and i'm usually always happy but i'm just very lonely,depressed,and messed up in the head right now....I'm homesick for one.....Secondly i'm through with guys but not sure if i wanna be(i'm not bi or lesbian either)...and there is just something missing in my life right now...I don't know what it is..I do know its a hole in my heart that keeps gettin bigger...that makes my eyes water so much but never drop a tear!!...well i think i have to go!! good day or nite to everyone

Omg!!!!!Someone got on my elftown and changed my description.....i changed it back though....only a few people have my password though!!!i'm kinda mad!!You know i miss all of my friends though...I'm ready to come home..but when i go home i will still miss one of my friends cause he lives somewhere else...its very depressing...well not really...its just sad...well i'm hungry thats normal..Blah Blah Blah i'm gonna die..or float away ..i wonder if like i layed down and just imagined that i was going somewhere for like a really long time if i would wake up and just be there...like a dream but it would seem so real....and then i would wake up and be back in my own misery...lol i'm a freak...jk so whats up lol u can't answer me this is a diary!!!!!!!! Does anyone actually read these things if u do please write me a message and tell me!!!! You know i had this really cool Bf, but he seems so confused and if he reads this he will probaly confuse himself more, cause he won't understand what i'm talking about and i'm not really sure if i do so cameron if u read this don't ask!!!!Anyways yeah i really love him but there is just so many people that i just don't know how to say it....But its like me broken hearted even though its my fault we are broken up...i'm not even sure that he is the reason my heart hurts ...it could be someone else who i lost because i'm an idiot.....but u never no....I know i love Cameron though...See i'm a confused person to so i think i should just stay single so i don't hurt myself and whoever else....well sorry for boring and u and probaly confusin u at the same time!!!!!

Hmm today...is an okay day i guess...besides the fact that i broke up with my bf....i get to see my older brother today who i haven't seen in three years so its awesome!!!!!well i think i have to go but i'll write more later

i'm so tired!!!! its 4 o'clock in the morning and i'm on the phone with my bf...i'm fucking hungry and there is no food to eat and i'm gonna die!!!!!!!omg argghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!lalalaladedede my mind isn't really thinking right now...whoa this is weird my head is like kinda blank.....