I was rejected. After three years of staying away from guys when I finally pull out to just say my true feelings I was fudging rejected... (Of course, I hadn't had a crush in nearly three years.)

And I can't get my cds... God. LIFE SUCKS.

... At least we're still friends though and he was nice about it ^^ Plus... I was willing to be flexible. It's my fault I'm still alone.

"Well, we just talked. And he seemed way too stressed, because it turns out this other girl had told him she liked him (over the NET), and then gave him the cold shoulder and he didn't want that to happen to him and me. And his grandpa just recently died, his parents are like NEVER home (so he has to stay with his grandparents), he's got a 4 year old sister, he's got some pretty tough classes... I just said, "I'm fine with being friends, I'm real cool with it. I don't want to add onto your stress or anything." And he really appreciated it that I was flexible and stuff. So yeah. That took about ten minutes up in a one hour conversation."

Yeah, that about sums up WHy he rejected me... *sighs* Oh well, living life alone means solitude and silence.

-crunch-
Oops, there goes my ego -_-

BASICS
(0) Name: Emily Lynn McDurman a.k.a Li
(1) Your gender: Female
(2) Straight/gay/BI?: Straight as far as I care to know.
(3) Single?: Yes -_-
4) Want to be?: Depends on who I wouldn't be single with.
(5) Your birthday: June 19th, 1989
(6) Age you act: Older than I am
(7) Age you wish you were: 18
(8) Your height: Five foot 3 inches
(9) The color of your eyes: Too many.
(10) Happy with it?: Yup ^^
(11) The color of your hair: Auburn with a tinge of dark red
(12) Happy with it?: Sure I guess.
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: I'm right handed, but it's fun to practice with my left ^^ Yes, I get bored muchlies often O.o
(14) Your living arrangement?: Family
(27) Your family: 1 sister, 1 mom, 1 grandmother, a dog, and a cat.
(29) What's your job: To bug the shit out of people like you... Currently unemployed -_-
(30) Piercing?: Both ears. I've been rebellious lately and thinking of a belly button piercing just to try it out but... O.o
(31) Tattoos?: Not yet ^^ Still debating.
(32) Obsessions?: A PERFECT CIRCLE. And you. I'M YOUR STALKER.
(35) Do you speak another language?: Not to a full extent, no...
(36) Have a favorite quote?: Too many, in fact. Maybe, "Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why," but that's just spur of the moment...
(37) Do you have a WebPage?: Used to! But I burned it!

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it

(38) Do you live in the moment?: Naw, I think of the future mostly.
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: Yeah. I'm a pretty flexible person.
(40) Do you have any secrets?: Not that... okay, yeah -_-
(41) Do you hate yourself?: Sometimes.
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: Sometimes I hate it 'cause a lot of people have really nice handwriting. But then I notice that everyone has handwriting JUST LIKE THEIRS. So, I suppose I do like mine because it's original and not very neat ;) I can't write a thought on a straight line without a guide bwhahah.
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: BITING! And chewing. ;);)
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: "You're so pretty!" ... I have a personality too, thanks.
(45) If a movie were made about your life, what would it be called?: "Loser with a Twist"
(46) What's your biggest fear?: Having some sort of freaky sea-creature kill me when I'm in the water.
(47) Can you sing: No... hee hee...
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Not that I know of.
(49) Are you a loner?: At times I can be, when I feel like sulking.Sometimes.
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Probably not ^^
(52) Are you a daredevil?: Yep. I want to try new things, but I don't want to ruin my body/mind.
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: Lots of things.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: I can be pretty agressive, but I've knotched that down a bit. I don't bite as much ^^
(55) Have you got a question?: Why?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strength - Intelligence. Weakness - The way I look. But I guess that could be a strength as well... taken the situation.
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: My physical appearance.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty, and creativity, which one do you choose?: Creativity. Why? So I can create beauty and love.
(59) How do you vent?: Write. Music.
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yes, but I don't usually let the little things edge me. I'm not a perfectionist ^^ On the outside ^~
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: I can't even begin to tell how many things I regret.
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: No.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Don't follow; lead. Only you can make the right path for yourself, even if it is hard.
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: ...My eyebrows.
(65) And least?: Everything else. But I don't really care.
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: No.
(67) Are you confident?: Yes ^^
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: Lyra Silvertongue from Philip Pullman's HDM.
69) Do people know how you feel?: They usually interpret it the wrong way.
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: Yes.

DO YOU...

(71) Smoke?: Ew, no O.o
(72) Do drugs?: No!
(73) Read the newspaper?: When I can.
(74) Pray?: No.
(75) Go to church? Used to. Don't anymore.
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: For a little while.
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: Duh :P
(78) Take walks in the rain?: Yes!
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: Naw.
(80) Drive?: No :(
(81) Like to drive fast?: I will.

HAVE YOU EVER...

(82) Liked your voice?: Not until recently. I don't like it when it gets too high-pitched.
(83) Hurt yourself?: I bet my ego with a stick. Would that be considered hurting myself...?
(84) Been out of the country?: Not yet >^.^<
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yes >:F And it worked too.
(86) Burped?: I think I'll slap you! Idiotic question -_-
(87) Been unfaithful?: Never had a reason to.
(88) Been in love?: Sure
(89) Done drugs?: Nope.
(90) Gone skinny-dipping?: No O.o
(92) Had a surgery?: Nope...
(93) Ran away from home?: Not yet.
(94) Played strip poker?: No.
(95) Gotten beaten up?: Yes.
(97) Been picked on?: Yes.
(98) Been on stage?: Yes, plenty of times.
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: I never reached that stage of helplessness XD
(100) Slept outdoors?: Of course!
(101) Thought about suicide?: Yes, but not ever gonna do it.
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: Oh yeah ^^
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 24 hours, 1 minute.
(104) Gone one day without food?: FOOOOD!
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: Nope.
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: No.
(107) Slept all day? NO O_O
(108) Killed someone?: In my mind ^^
(109) Made out with a stranger?: No...
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: EH?! NO.
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: Yeah.
(112) Kissed the same sex?: No.
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: ... Not that I can recall...
(114) Been betrayed?: Yes.
(115) Had a dream that came true?: I had a wish come true once.
(116) Broken the law?: Of course :P
(117) Met a famous person?: Nope.
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: I think I stepped on a mouse once.
(146) Stolen anything?: No.
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: Radio a very long time ago.
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: Yes ^^
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? Emotionally.
(150) Considered religious vocation?: No.
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: No...
(152) Bungee jumped?: I will. Very soon.
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes... o.o

CLOTHES and other fashion

(154) Shoe brand?: Comfortable shoes...?
(155) Brand of clothing?: The only one I can think of is Hot Topic.
(156) Cologne/perfume?: Treson
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: Goth pants - plaid pink and black, with a pink/fishnet shirt. Or just some khakis and shirt...
(159) Wear hats?: No.
(160) Judge other people by their clothing?: Mostly.
(161) Wear make-up?: No.
(162) Favorite place to shop?: Hot Topic/Candy Factory/Cd Shops
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: My goth pants! *huggles them*
(164) Are you trendy?: Heck no.
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: NO :| Though it would make waking up easier.

BELIEFS

(166) Believe in life on other planets?: Not the planets we know of as of now.
(167) Miracles?: Yes, but there's always a price to them.
(168) Astrology?: Sure.
(169) Magic?: Depends on the kind.
(170) God? : No
(171) Satan?: *Grin* Still deciding
(172) Santa?: YEAH!!!
(173) Ghosts?: Yes.
(174) Luck?: Yes >.<
(175) Love at first sight?: No.
(176) Yin and Yang?: Yes.
(177) Witches?: Wicca!
(178) Easter bunny?: I can never catch that damn rabbit in the act -_-
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes. But only if you love them.
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: No... I know there's skittles though ^^
(181) Do you wish on stars?: Yes, because people share a telepathy with them. They are alive you know.

LOVE, and all that

(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: No.
(183) Do you remember your first love?: ...
(184) Still love him/her?: ... -_-
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: The way people abuse it is a mistake...
(186) What do you find romantic?: Cuddles, nuzzles, snuggles, and lovelles.
(187) Turn-on?: Intelligence, and yet very agreeable to be around. And a really good scent. Independence too.
(188) Turn-off?: Smokers, perverts, and those who take drugs 'cause they "Can't get away." And weaklings.
(189) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: Never.
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: I'd say I didn't like them like that, and we could go out but no hard-core "dating." May sound mean, but it's a whole lot nicer than leading them on.
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating him or her or going "blind"?: Knowing them. But I've never been on a date so... I guess blind is okay. But no reality shows or a dude my mom hooked me up with *shudder* I like surprises but not like that
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: Isn't it?
203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: Never been attracted to anyone...
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: Some... maybe... I dunno.
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: Deep voices and the way they smell ^^ *love*
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: All too sex-dependent -_- Some, at least.
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: A cd... oh wait. A picture frame you can't put pictures in -_-
(208) Are you in love?: I dunno -_-
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some attractive guy standing on the sidewalk?: I would probably pass them without even noticing.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

(211) That haunted you?: You mean stalked? [BaByMoReNaGrL] of course ;)
(212) You wanted to kill?: Myself.
(213) That you laughed at?: Kayla
(214) That laughed at you?: Kayla
(215) That turned you on?: uhhh...
(216) You went shopping with?: Remote!
(217) That broke your heart?: Me...
(218) To disappoint you?: Myself...
(219) To ask you out?: No one has ever asked me out.
(220) To make you cry?: Not telling.
(221) To brighten up your day?: Kayla!
(222) That you thought about?: ^^
(225) You talked to through IM?: Andrew
(223) You saw a movie with?: I think it was Champ... oh wait no! It was my dad, sister, and cousin in the summer.
(224) You talked to on the phone?: Kayla!
(226) You saw?: Kayla!
(227) You lost?: Some part of me...
(229) You thought were completely insane?: Pete
230) You wanted to be?: ... Dunno o.o
(231) You told off: Can't remember
(232) You trusted?: Kayla!
(233) You turned down?: I don't think I've ever turned anyone down. Not much to turn down to begin with...

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

(234) Smiled?: Now.
(235) Laughed?: Few minutes ago.
(236) Cried?: Lats night.
(237) Bought something?: Lunch, a long time ago.
(238) Danced?: Just a few minutes ago ^^
(239) Were sarcastic?: Today
(240) hugged someone?: don't remember =(
(241) Talked to an ex?: No exes to talk to...
(242) Watched your fave movie?: I don't have a favorite movie, but I watched "Waking Life" last night.
(243) Had a nightmare?: Couple nights ago O.o
(245) Talked on the phone?: Yesterday
(246) Listened to the radio?: Thursday I think.
(247) Watched TV?: Last night to watch Waking Life :P
(248) Went out?: I went to school yesterday!
(249) Helped someone?: Yesterday
(250) Were mean?: A little while ago.
(251) Sang?: I am now ^^
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: Been a long while...
(253) Said "I love you"?: Last night to my dad.
(254) Missed someone?: Now =(
(255) Fought with a family member?: Last night with sister.
(256) Fought with a friend?: Not long ago... :S
(257) Had a serious conversation?: Last night. It was very educational.
(258) Got drunk?: Never. I don't think I have that ability.
(259) Had sex?: Never had sex. Don't plan on it for a long time either.
(260) Been kissed?: Never been kissed...

GOD THAT WAS DEPRESSING!!!

Look: Independent/dangerous ;)/friendly
Element: Water
Dependance: Writing
Title of my biography: Loser with a Twist
Patois: English, and hopefully one day Spanish and Latin.
I sometimes confound myself with: My thoughts and theories.
Existential question: "Existential" isn't a word, so I'll just say that a question I ask myself most often is, "How can I make this original?"
Phobia: I have a fear of being eaten by something with sharp teeth and a need to kill while I'm in the ocean.
Theme song: Drops of Jupiter - Train
Regrets: Not looking at every angle.
Passion: Writing
Animal which I resemble: A snake. Beautiful in a morbid way and yet very dangerous. Like, don't piss me off or you pay the price. Or a tiger. But whatever.
Cult: Not yet :)
Favorite Object: My blanket.
Favorite place: In a house in the middle of nowhere.
Nicest sound: Rain and thunder
Worst sound: Whining and thrashing.
Favorite body part(s): Eyebrows and legs
Mental illness: Plain insanity.
Era in which I would have liked to live: The early 1900's. More or less 1920's.
Spiritual Guide: Myself.
In my purse: I don't have a purse. But if I did I would probably keep a book, perfume, car keys, and pepper spray. Oh, and a pencil with a notepad.
Eventual trip: The world
Favorite musical work: I haven't seen anything on Broadway or any hard-core musicals, but I'll just say "Chicago."
Biblical passage: I don't have one.
Moment of the day: Any time.
Flower I'd like to receive: Red and white crysanthemums.

Huzzah! Halloween! Time to scare the kiddies! >:F

i wish there was someone. i feel bad. i hate me. i want to die. ... never ask a depressed person why.

He looked across the street to see her sitting in the park. He crossed the street to approach her, obvious to the fact that she was alone. When was she not? He smirked playfully as he walked up to her. She was sitting under a large oak tree, looking up through the yellow and green Summer-ending Fall-nearing leaves.
He sat beside her with his back against the rough bark, looking at her curiously, observing her kind and patient face. He saw the prettiness in her, or the sense of prettiness she had. Maybe it just her wise look.
And yet, only one question ran through his mind as he spoke to her.
"Why do you do this everyday?"
"Well," she said looking at him, smiling, as if knowing he would ask that, then back to the blue skies above, "I'm just waiting for the sky to fall."

It's people who make me disbelieve.

Brick! Ben's Fold Five <~~~ Best Song AlIIIVE.

Love is clockworks and cold steel, fingers too numb to feel. Squeeze the handle, blow out the candle, love is blindness.

I believe in God, but does God believe in me?

I had a really scary dream tonight... O.o Might as well share *shrug*
Well, when 9/11 happened I wasn't truly affected, because I didn't know anyone in New York, and I knew we would get the bastards back for whoever did it. I'm on the side of the war, don't message me "Be anti-war!" because the war is happening, and if you want to stop it, you're only helping terrorists. This is what I believe, thank you.
So, in my dream, I was a firefighter or something, and I wanted to go into the building so I did. And it was really dusty and stuff, because it was near the enterance way to the doors, and I was looking for survivors I guess.
Well, it was so covered in ash, that when I got up there, I didn't see the body parts, until I was UP THERE.
So, I look down, and there's legs here, an arm there, half a guy over there with practically all his clothes burned off, and then there's this pregnant woman... well, at least she was pregnant. The cord to her baby was still in her, and it was still attached to her baby. When she jumped the baby came out, she died, and the baby died. The baby was some way off... it was really... disturbing :S
So, then there's police officer, and he's telling me to get out I guess. Well, not telling me, just looking at me with wide eyes, like he's scared. And, I guess I was on a ledge and I didn't want to walk, but I started to scream, "Help me! Help me!" because of the body parts... I was so scared of them. But he wouldn't help me.
And then I woke up: I think the building crashed on me.

Dæmonically sick X.x

If you're not smart go to school and become "smart"... or stay smartass, whichever you prefer.

It must first storm(st) for there to be rainbows(R) . Life is kinda like that...(li)

What an enlightning conversation between Bryan and myself. Read on, fair evil one:

thou art darkest gabrielle, no church shall bare our path, seductive evil drink your fill, of the bleeding christ in your arms says:
oh yeah
thou art darkest gabrielle, no church shall bare our path, seductive evil drink your fill, of the bleeding christ in your arms says:
hi
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
hi
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
lol
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
heh, im bored as hell
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Me tired
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
why are you on
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Because I was given this joyful moment to meet up with you, therefore doing the whole "Fate" thing so that you could give me some sort of inspiration or wisdom that I could possibly use in the near future.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
How the hell would I know?
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
lol
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Exactly.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Lol.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
After all that freaking typing, you press four keys -_-
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
technically three... but yeah.
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
heh
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
nope, 4
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Emily needs to go sleep >.<
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Well, there's two L's in lol
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
then you have to press enter
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
l = 1 o = 1 Enter = 1
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
oh, but im still doing the manual labor of pushing three buttons
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
therefor i am pushing 4
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
1 + 1 + 1 = 3 or it could be four but WHATEVER, depends on the sense.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
But it's technically three!
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
not really
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
yes really.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
There's different types of personalities!
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
if your talking about 3 seperate butttons yeah...
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Depends on how you reason it.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
yeah
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
yeah but you said no such thing
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
so.........
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
....4...
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
or you could mean you're pressing four buttons because you're pressing buttons four times!
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Yes I did
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
it just wasn;t that simple.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
I'm blonde, you see.
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
thats for sure
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:

It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Thanks for the hammer down, I really do appreciate the EGO SQUISH.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Don't even think about saying that.
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
hands off my ego
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
haha
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
he
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
h
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
woo i just crack myself up
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
k, i admit, that was really lame
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Was that you who I was tal.... oh no, that was my conscious.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Lol, don' worry about it
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
I crack myself up sometimes too.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
whoa
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
conscience^
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
not conscious. That was stupid and inmoral.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
...
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
gah
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
that is my clue to go to bed
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
NIIIIIGHT Bryan
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
oh... and add me, I have a new e-mail:
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
lol
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
night
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
lil_apple_angel@hotmail.com
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
oops
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
i already have that..
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
beautifully_insane_li@hotmail.com
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
sorry XD
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
alright
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
that was stupid
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
im going too
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
night

*squeel* YAYAYYAYYA!!!!
[sirbonkalot], being the fantastic artist that he is, drew me an illustration for my Faery story, The Faery Jar! See my elfwood gallery for the old version, or e-mail me for the "better" "newer" version... and uhm... yeah!
Wow, he's even gonna color her for me too ^_^ We named her Li <3

I was asked to homecoming to my biggest surprise. The first time I've ever been asked to a dance =O
The silly thing is, though, is that he asked me over the 'Net -_- But I've known this guy since I was like, in third grade and it would've been mean to turn him down. Plus, it's not like any one else wants to take me XD