GAAAHHH SOMETIMES I REALLY, REALLY DO LOATHE ELFWOOD!!!!
*Sits down and cries*
I cnahged some of the file names on my stories, and then I just NOOOW remember that when you do that ALL YOUR COMMENTS GET DELETED!! WHICH IS STUPID AND ABSURD!!!!!!!
I don't want to lose my years worth of comments!! I work hard for those!!! *sobs harder* I HATE THIS!!!!

Please note: If you like this story, please comment on it. Also, I'm looking to perhaps get this published somewhere... if you have anywhere, then please, please tell me :) Thank you.

Going to kill soon.
Very soon.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up; these are the best days of our lives... Me loves The Ataris ^_^
Geena, a friend I've had since I was a toddler, has moved ;-;
But it's not like that!! She, my sister, and I all met at these one apartnments called Whispering Pines. Dumpy, trashy ones left over from the 70's ^_^ Just recently they were remodled (they look really nice now).
Anyway, Geena, as a 3 year old, walked to our door, knocked, and asked if Katie and I could play. That's when our friendship started.
Geena grewq up to be Miss Diva, who knew everything about hair, makeup, manicures, you name it. She pulled good grades until seventh grade, when it was required that you read well and she hated reading... but that all turned around later on ^_^
So anyway, just recently she moved back into those apartments. It just strung some memories of mine...
We learned how to swim in the pool there, we always rode our bikes around, we learned how to roller skate with those babrie roller skates that came out... we always had a lot of fun, staying outside, being active, healthy children. I had a great childhood, it was all about having fun and playing games. Nothing very academic (wasn't too smart back then hahaha).
Even through all the quirks we've been through, the fights, the hatred, we're all still buddies. I may not be Geena's best friend, and she may not be mine, but we've had such history together that without each other things would really seem empty. I don't get to see Geena a lot and I may not agree with her most the time but she's just the kind of girl who carries a part on her back and a fun bag on her head ^_^ it's really easy to get along with her most the time (though everyone has their moments of arrogance and control). She's always ready to party and you never know what kind of ideas she'll string up O_o She's really exciting ^_^
I'm going to her house today, her new apartment, to have a barbecue with her mom and herself (no men in the picture; Donna, Gee's mom, was just recently divorced... finally -_-). I can't wait - squee! -
I'll get to go swimmin in the pool I almost died in again! Yey! ^_^

I just went undy shopping. I hate shopping. But it was fun. Well, it was okay. I had to go with my sister.
She got a thong. I think I need to burn it. *Nasty*

A Dream Come And Gone or A Dream Undone (look at poll)



On an island, in a house, in a room, in a chair sat a young man in front of a computer. The cerulean glow emitted onto his face. He looked stressed, remorseful, and beat.
A little da-ling! came from the computer. It was MSN Messenger; someone had signed in. He read the name and smiled, clicking and starting a conversation with the person.
That person was a girl he'd met awhile back. He'd known her for awhile and they'd become good friends over the few years they'd known each other. He always found it a treat to speak with her.
About an hour or two passed when she had to leave. When she signed off he frowned and got up to go find something to amuse himself for the next few hours.
He'd felt strong feelings for her. She wasn't just someone over the Internet, she was special to him, and even though he'd never met her face to face he felt that once-in-a-lifetime feeling for her.
Love.
He sat at a chess board and played against himself. The house was silent since his sisters, mother, father, and brothers went out on their own little vacation leaving him behind. He was glad though. The house was usually noisy and a wreck and he felt the need to just get away most of the time. Without his whole family there it was peaceful and calming. He just felt a familiar pinch of lonliness in his heart.
But he always felt that, family or no family. Except when he talked to her. It was strange how he felt, since he'd never felt that way about anyone though he'd been living for nineteen years.
He became bored and returned back online just to see if she was there. But she wasn't, so he left and went to bed. It was late anyway.
She knew how he felt about her. There were mutual feelings between them. The only thing that ruined their feelings was the distance. She didn't live too far away, in fact not far at all. But he lived in a deserted place and she in a busy city.
She raced through his mind as he laid down to sleep, closing his eyes, and getting comfortable. He imagined running his fingers through her hair, stroking her cheek, and whispering little sweet nothings into her ear. He thought about sunny days they would have together, the rainy days, and picturing her beautiful face in any kind of weather. He felt that lonliness in his heart grow more as he ached to have her near him, even just to be able to touch her hand for a moment would set his heart on fire for life.
Before he fell asleep he thought about how much he loved her and the studying he would do to get a good job to make her as happy as possible. He thought about the day when he would meet her, hold her close, and cuddle with her. He thought about the day he would ask her to marry him, and the day they would have their first child.
He just couldn't get her out of his mind, even as he slept he dreamt about her. She was always there, no matter what.

The next day he logged on when he was supposed to, to meet up with her, but she wasn't on. No matter what time he got onto MSN Messenger she was never there. The pattern went on for almost four days.
On the fourth day he sat with loose pants and a baggy t-shirt on, lounging in the living room. His dark skin was beaded with perspiration, since it was such a hot day.
The doorbell rang as he was dozing and he argued with himself whether or not to get it, but his good side won so he lolled up and slowly walked to the door.
The person knocked, not impatiently but as if reminding him that they weren't going to leave till they got what they wanted.
"Probably Raxson again," he said to himself silently. He stepped up to the door and opened it.
A young woman, probably no more than sixteen, stood in the doorway. Her back was to him. She had light skin and carried a bag, wearing a yellow sundress and a broad-rimmed hat. Her hair was tied back and luxuriously brought out the wonderful features in her face as she turned around. She grinned at him as he stood dumbfounded.
"You seem surprised," she said in a winsome voice. She was just as beautiful in real life than in the pictures.
"Darren, it's me... remember? Aline?"
He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.
"But... Yeah I remember... You're..." he was flabbergasted.
She smiled and dropped her bag, approaching him and throwing her arms around him, hugging him close. He couldn't believe it. She was here.

Later he took her out to dinner and got to know her face to face. He couldn't believe her, she was just perfect. She was drop-dead gorgeous, immensely intelligent, and the sweetest person he'd ever met. She was so natural too, she didn't even bother with makeup.
No matter how much she told him it was like they had been together all their lives.

When he took her back to his home, he moved her one simple bag to his room.
"You can have my room since I'm sure you wouldn't want to sleep in my sibling's rooms," Darren said unsure of himself. "Sorry that it's such a mess. I'm a guy, you know?"
Aline chuckled and nodded, then looked around. "Where are you going to sleep?" She asked.
Darren looked around, "Um... I guess I'll sleep on the couch." He shrugged and smiled shyly.
Aline grinned and punched his arm gently. "No... you can sleep in here. I know you want to sleep with me."
Darren blushed at the awkwardness of her sentence.
Aline approched him and wrapped her arms around him, gently kissing his lips. "Darren, I came here mainly to say I love you." She pressed her nose against his and nuzzled his neck softly. He embraced her, burying his face into her soft hair.
"I love you too. I love you with my everything, Aline..."

In the middle of the night, Darren lay awake in his bed, his arm wrapped around Aline. He looked at her sleeping so peacefully, her hair tossled as she slept lightly. He moved his arm and she stirred. His hand touched her skin, just to make sure it was real but it was cold. The air conditioner was blowing right onto her and she was only under a pile of thin sheets.
She's just not used to being here... He thought. She stirred again and opened her eyes tiredly. Her lips were pouty when she slept and that made her even more adorable. She was three years younger than he, but so much more wiser. She looked young yet old at the same time. You knew she was wise just by her looks.
She plopped down next to him and his warm skin, her arm drabbing across his chest as if she were going to hug him. She didn't feel warm enough so she laid her head on his belly, nuzzling and getting comfortable again. Darren pulled the covers over her and rubbed her neck, nestling back in and drifting off.
She's really mine... She's here... My dream is coming true...
He fell asleep and dreamed of their day tomorrow, all of the stuff they would do, showing her everything he wanted to show her. Even with her there she still haunted his dreams, but now he could touch her and kiss her.

"Darren..." Aline whispered. "I'm going upstairs to take a shower." He moaned. She leaned down and kissed his lips, cheeks, and forehead, then his lips again.
Darren woke up about twenty minutes later, waiting for her to get out of the shower.
An hour passed.
He got worried and wondered why she was taking so long. He knew she wasn't the type of girl to take all day in a shower.
Slowly he went upstairs, pushing the bathroom door open a crack. The shower was still running and a bowl of steam came out of the room.
"Aline, is everything alright?"
No reply.
"Aline?" He pushed the door wider and approached the shower. "Aline?" His voice was a little louder. He pulled back the curtain and faced an empty shower.
He turned the shower off and looked around the bathroom. Not even her clothes were there.
"Aline!" He exclaimed through the house. He went back to his room and saw that her bag was gone.
He searched the house and called the taxi services, wondering if any of the drivers picked up a beautiful young woman at that address, but no one had.
He wondered, and found himself in the kitchen looking at a note written by her.
He read aloud, "'Dearest Darren, I love you always. One day your dreams will come true and not leave you. I promise to make you happy, but I had to give you a taste. One which I wasn't allowed to give for purposes I cannot express in this letter. I had to keep you safe, which has probably ruined the future. But I don't care, as long as we're together. Please always trust in me, and always love me. I'll speak to you on the Internet as usual. Love you always, Your Guardian Angel.'"
He sighed and whispered, "A dream undone is what it was. But... my heart is still on fire..."

__Never Be Nice
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Everybody's nice,
Split your head twice,
Beat them in the rib,
Wait until it bleeds,
Watch the colors run,
Land call it fun,
Cry for all the pain,
No one's really sane!
-[victoria]
Just thought it was cool O_o

Kinf od down... O_o Er, kind of down.
Been so bored, I went to bed at like 5 last night and woke up at 3, so I got on the computer. It was boring. Went back to bed at 8 and then got back up at 10 and cleaned up after my sister (who's lazy, messy, and can't do a darn thing). She left a mess in the bathroom. Then I cleaned up the kitchen for Mom (she's really stressed out), just to help out. Cleaned the living room a bit, threw some of Katie's stuff away... And here I am.
But on a happy note!
Ever wonder what it would be like to be a super hero? Or Heroine?
Like, what kind of powers would you have?!?! Flying is a big one. Or like a magical motorcycle! Reading minds, super punches... or like the power to make everyone peaceful! That's new. I mean heroes all seem to have violent "powers" these days... Beating up the "bad guys" just makes them as bad as the bad guys.
Where would you live? Big city or little town?
What kind of costume would you have?
Would you make friends? Would you always get the guy? Or girl?
Would you have a secret identity like Superman or always be a superhero like Barnicle Boy and that... other guy in Spongebob?
Would it be cool or would it just cause you to lage in your homework assignments ^_~?
... ^^

I f*cking hate my sister.
She is a f*cking moron without a f*cking life.
She always tries to prove me wrong about computers by saying "Oh no, that's not possible. My friends all say so."
"Are your friends hackers and people who grew up in Trinidad?"
"Well, not in Trinidad!"
THEN, we buy the F*CKING CD TO WINDOWS XP AND SHE LEAVES IN F*CKING NINE STATES AWAY IN OKLAHOMA AT MY DAD'S HOUSE WHO IS NEVER THERE AND CAN'T SEND IT TO US BECAUSE SHE'S SUCH A FREAKING MORON AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A F*CKING COMPUTER OS IS, THINKING THAT I COULD FORMAT THE HARDRIVE AND DOWNLOAD IT (which I won't, I know something would go wrong), THEN, SAYING SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A F*CKING OS IS!!!!!!!
F*CKING MORON I AM SO GOING TO KILL HER NO MATTER WHAT!! I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE THOUGHT THAT! I JUST WANT TO STRANGLE HER!!! I SAID SPECIFICALLY, "BRING THE WINDOWS XP CD, DON'T LEAVE IT HERE, WE NEED IT WITH US!!"
I AM GOING TO F*CKING BLOW UP AND DRAG HER TO HELL!!! >.<

HEY HEY HEY ALL YA'LL PEOPLE!!!!
I AM BACK, W00T W00T!
I was gone for a week because I was going from my dad's house in Oklahoma... to my mom's house in Washington State! YAY!
-_-
K, 'nuff with that bullsheetness. Anyway, this computer is Windows Millenium and O_o it looks really different and the keyboard is especially loud and obnoxious but easy to type on. My dog is being an annoying little hissy fit. He grew over the last two months. He used to be cute with his oversized head and ears, but now he ain't at all. It all grew together dangit!
I want Windows XP back ;-; which I shall have, MOOHAHAHAHAHA!! So I better start saving all my files N' crap 'cause I lost everything in the last upgrade -_-;
So bored... I'm cleaning my room and my... closet or a.k.a dungeon. That closet is a SERIOUS MESS HOLE! OMGOMGOMGOM. I was like soooo done with cleaning part of the room but then I thought "Oh hell, why not?"
Yeah, I clean my closet sometimes but it's never really... thorough cleaning. I dug deep this time man, dug deep.
There were literally clothes up to my knees (and like four hanging up). I got glass dolls in there, and I had TONS of my mom's shoes for some strange off-beat reason. And not to mention shoe boxes, my GOD I don't even OWN that many shoes!
But then when I reached the bottom I discovered the reason why I have so many shoe boxes. That stupid, forgotten, stenchy memory that just HAPPENS to get thrown into your brain's recycle bin, DAMMIT!
Let's just say it has to do with past animals, dirt, and... funerals.
I want MSN messenger 6.0. Now. But I am WAY too lazy to download it >.< Feh me. I'm just gonna wait till the upgrade to ... WINDOWS... XP...!!! YAYAYYAYAY! I hope it'll work >.> <.<
Dammit -_-
I... OH GOD I HAVE TO CLEAN @_@ I got clthes spilling out of me room and you can hardly walk... the dungeon is the only thing clean! AHHHHHH!

My heart X.x -dies-
I am soooo bored. *Snoops into her sisters files and deletes everything*
O_o There's nothing good anyway.
... I'm so bored.
I LOVE TIGERS THOUGH!

Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate 
Antisocial: Low 
Borderline: Low 
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
yeah, I'm a little obsessive *washes ehr hands five times*
AAHH DON'T STEP ON THE CRACKS!

AAAHHHH! FLYING MONKEYS! FLYING MONKEYS! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT!

What's the point?
There is none.
Well, GO FIGURE.

This is What Happens


Wish me out of this nightmare; dream me into a lullaby because I just can't take it anymore, it's starting to hurt not only my eyes but also my heart and stomach too.
I just want to die and wish it all away, it's sort of hard to believe it's real, I don't want it to be, I just want it to be fake; a fantasy; a nightmare itself. I just want you to stay in my life the way we were for forever and ever, but things change, right? Things change and now I'm alone all because you lied to me but you told the truth at the same time. It made me so happy to know you loved me, and I was always glad to say it back and mean it, but then you cracked the whip and said you never believed, never believed even me, your beloved, and you only loved me once in our relationship and I told you that raping me would have hurt less, but you weren't even there to hear that, which just proves I lost my only true best friend in the world, because the one I had before told you all the terrible things about me and my past, and you don't believe me when I say I've changed! You say she told you I was a liar and you even asked me how my friends can hate me so, and I said back that it wasn't me, I'm a completely different person even though it sounds so cliché it's true! I wouldn't ever lie to you...
You were the person I could tell everything to and now you're not there.
You're not there and now I'm alone. You're not there and I'm not here with you so you're alone as well, and my thoughts are spinning and my eyes spill out tears and they eventually fall out of my head and when I vomit from sick, broken love my heart comes up and my brain turns to mush and then I know that parts of me died, not just one piece but much more than that. You didn't just crack my heart in two or make it to dust, you ruined me, and you ruined my happiness.
Whenever I wear my black clothes and put on my black makeup and my chrome chains I think of you and I wonder how you could do this to your "Sweet apple pie" how you could turn her to be dark and like nothing but the solid color black, how it feels, how it sinks into your eyes, how it turns your skin white as ash. I wonder how you could make me do the things I always promised myself not to do, how you could let some boy take me and rip my body in half then shove me down to the ground to kiss his feet as if I were worshipping him out of love. I wonder how you could make your good girl go bad, and then worse, all the way to disengaged and ill.
Mental; crazy; insane, I always claimed to be that but now it's real and I feel so fake, and I wish I were good at something and I could have you back, but that won't ever happen because you told me that I'd get over it, when really you were the one who got over it.
I asked you why you didn’t do it before but you just spread your wings and flew away and I wished that I could live in your magical world and do the same thing, just spread my wings and fly. And then it hit me that you were real, that you were magic, and I felt so alone, and so selfish for only thinking of me, but then I thought, screw the world, I’m in pain and I deserve to think of only myself. And then it hits me that I think of others too much and then I realize that now I’m really alone and there really isn’t anyone out there who can help me and my sorrow.
I wish to myself that I could fly away, but I think, pick up where I left off before, right? It’s so easy to do, but then I discover that everyone has wings, and everyone can fly away but I’m the only one who can’t, and suddenly I’m stuck on Earth alone, in that whole universe while you and everyone else is flying away somewhere safe. Then all I remember is that blazing moon, but it wasn’t a moon, it was a meteor and it was coming to take my life away. And when it hits everything dies, everything dies but I keep living because my pain keeps me alive, only it keeps eating me and spitting me back out, eating me again and spitting me back out again, and I don’t feel anything but pain anymore. Pain and the numb, the killing numb that makes me want to taste something, but I can’t because there’s nothing there. The world has ended and all it is in a big mass of dirt and grim, there aren’t any animals or plants and I don’t know how I’m surviving in this dirty air but I am.
And everyday I get reminded of you and your wings how you could fly away but I had to be stuck here, alone, with the apocalypse. So I stayed in my dark little corner on the edge of the Forgotten World, whispering all the while to myself, "I'm a completely different person even though it sounds so cliché it's true! I wouldn't ever lie to you...."

Wish me out of this nightmare; dream me into a lullaby because I just can't take it anymore, it's starting to hurt not only my eyes but my heart and stomach too.
I just want to die and wish it all away, it's sort of hard to believe it's real, I don't want it to be, I just want it to be fake; a fantasy; a nightmare itself. I just want you to stay in my life the way we were for forever and ever, but things change, right? Things change and now I'm alone all because you lied to me but you told the truth at the same time. It made me so happy to know you loved me, and I was always glad to say it back and mean it, but then you cracked the whip and said you never believed, never believed even me, your beloved, and you only loved me once in our relationship and I told you that raping me would have hurt less, but you weren't even there to hear that, which just PROVES I lost my best friend in the world, because the one I had before told you all the terrible things about me and my past, and you don't believe me when I say I've changed! You say she told you I was a liar and you even asked me how my friends can hate me so, and I said back that it wasn't me, I'm a completely different person even though it sounds so cliche it's true! I wouldn't ever lie to you...
You were the person I could tell everything to and now you're not there.
You're not there and now I'm alone. You're not there and I'm not here with you so you're alone as well, and my thoughts are spinning and my eyes spill out tears and they eventually fall out of my and when I vomit from sick broken love my heart comes up and my brain turns to mush and then I know that parts of me died, not just one part but much more than that. You didn't just crack my heart in two or make it to dust, you ruined me, you ruined my happiness.
Whenever I wear my black clothes and put on my black makeup and my chrome chains I think of you and I wonder how you could do this to your "Sweet apple pie" how you could turn her to be dark and like nothing but the solid color black, how it feels, how it sinks into your eyes, how it turns your skin white as ash. I wonder how you could make me do the things I always promised myself not to do, how you could let some boy take me and rip my body in half then shove me down to the ground to kiss his feet as if I were worshipping him out of love. I wonder how you could make your good girl go bad, and then worse, all the way to disengaged and ill. Mental; crazy; insane, I always claimed to be that but now it's real and I feel so fake, and I wish I were good at something and I could have you back, but that won't ever happen because you told me that I'd get over it, when really you were the one who got over it. You got to live the dazzling life while I was alone and scared all in my dark little corner, whispering all the while to myself, "I'm a completely different person even though it sounds so cliche it's true! I wouldn't ever lie to you...."

I'm sitting lonely on a rock by the sea today, watching as heavy rains fall on my hands and bare feet. The sound of the wind cries out, "Always alone! Always alone!" Making me jump with every little critter that crosses my path to find shelter.
But my head is swimming, I left for a moment and when I came back I was alone. He left, and once he left I was alone, alone to feel the stinging pain in my gut, the bottomless feeling that I wasn't going to see him for a very long time.
And I never said goodbye. I never got the second chance to tell him I loved him.
He left and now I'm alone. Always alone.

I just watched my first episode of .hack//sign... AND I AM ABSOLUTELY HEAD OVER HEALS FOR TSUKASA!!!! OMG HE'S A HOTTIE @_@ I love it! It's original as well! The characters are great! I need to watch more of it O_O MUST! MUST! MUST!

III'M SOOO HAPPYYY AND HUNGRY!!!! I want to go somewhere... I want to be ME! EMILY! I want to be strange, different, I just want to go out and FLY!
*dances* IT'S ABOUT LIFE, IT'S ABOUT FUN! *says goodbye to sadness*
HELLO HAPPINESS! LET US REJOICE IN THE WORLD! WHooo!!
Aliiiiive! *jams*
*leaves the room jammin'*

I'm feeling better. School is out in two days, and I'm leaving in 2 days. I'm gonna go off, forget about everything and just have fun while I'm camping with my father.
See you all and leave me lots of messages to come home too!! ^_^

"You were the person I could tell everything to and now you're not there.
You're not there and now I'm alone."