[Tigers and Trees]'s diary

92112  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-10-31
Written: (7694 days ago)
Next in thread:

i wish there was someone. i feel bad. i hate me. i want to die. ... never ask a depressed person why.

91389  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-10-30
Written: (7695 days ago)

He looked across the street to see her sitting in the park. He crossed the street to approach her, obvious to the fact that she was alone. When was she not? He smirked playfully as he walked up to her. She was sitting under a large oak tree, looking up through the yellow and green Summer-ending Fall-nearing leaves.
He sat beside her with his back against the rough bark, looking at her curiously, observing her kind and patient face. He saw the prettiness in her, or the sense of prettiness she had. Maybe it just her wise look.
And yet, only one question ran through his mind as he spoke to her.
"Why do you do this everyday?"
"Well," she said looking at him, smiling, as if knowing he would ask that, then back to the blue skies above, "I'm just waiting for the sky to fall."

90693  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-10-29
Written: (7696 days ago)

It's people who make me disbelieve.

89402  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-10-26
Written: (7698 days ago)

Brick! Ben's Fold Five <~~~ Best Song AlIIIVE.

85184  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-10-17
Written: (7708 days ago)
Next in thread: 94259

Love is clockworks and cold steel, fingers too numb to feel. Squeeze the handle, blow out the candle, love is blindness.

82575  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-10-11
Written: (7714 days ago)
Next in thread: 90664

I believe in God, but does God believe in me?

79149  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-10-04
Written: (7721 days ago)

I had a really scary dream tonight... O.o Might as well share *shrug*
Well, when 9/11 happened I wasn't truly affected, because I didn't know anyone in New York, and I knew we would get the bastards back for whoever did it. I'm on the side of the war, don't message me "Be anti-war!" because the war is happening, and if you want to stop it, you're only helping terrorists. This is what I believe, thank you.
So, in my dream, I was a firefighter or something, and I wanted to go into the building so I did. And it was really dusty and stuff, because it was near the enterance way to the doors, and I was looking for survivors I guess.
Well, it was so covered in ash, that when I got up there, I didn't see the body parts, until I was UP THERE.
So, I look down, and there's legs here, an arm there, half a guy over there with practically all his clothes burned off, and then there's this pregnant woman... well, at least she was pregnant. The cord to her baby was still in her, and it was still attached to her baby. When she jumped the baby came out, she died, and the baby died. The baby was some way off... it was really... disturbing :S
So, then there's police officer, and he's telling me to get out I guess. Well, not telling me, just looking at me with wide eyes, like he's scared. And, I guess I was on a ledge and I didn't want to walk, but I started to scream, "Help me! Help me!" because of the body parts... I was so scared of them. But he wouldn't help me.
And then I woke up: I think the building crashed on me.

75691  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-09-26
Written: (7729 days ago)

Dæmonically sick X.x

75340  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-09-25
Written: (7730 days ago)

If you're not smart go to school and become "smart"... or stay smartass, whichever you prefer.

75339  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-09-25
Written: (7730 days ago)

It must first storm(st) for there to be rainbows(R) . Life is kinda like that...(li)

74370  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)
Next in thread: 74455

What an enlightning conversation between Bryan and myself. Read on, fair evil one:

thou art darkest gabrielle, no church shall bare our path, seductive evil drink your fill, of the bleeding christ in your arms says:
oh yeah
thou art darkest gabrielle, no church shall bare our path, seductive evil drink your fill, of the bleeding christ in your arms says:
hi
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
hi
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
lol
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
heh, im bored as hell
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Me tired
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
why are you on
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Because I was given this joyful moment to meet up with you, therefore doing the whole "Fate" thing so that you could give me some sort of inspiration or wisdom that I could possibly use in the near future.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
How the hell would I know?
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
lol
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Exactly.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Lol.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
After all that freaking typing, you press four keys -_-
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
technically three... but yeah.
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
heh
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
nope, 4
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Emily needs to go sleep >.<
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Well, there's two L's in lol
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
then you have to press enter
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
l = 1 o = 1 Enter = 1
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
oh, but im still doing the manual labor of pushing three buttons
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
therefor i am pushing 4
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
1 + 1 + 1 = 3 or it could be four but WHATEVER, depends on the sense.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
But it's technically three!
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
not really
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
yes really.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
There's different types of personalities!
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
if your talking about 3 seperate butttons yeah...
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Depends on how you reason it.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
yeah
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
yeah but you said no such thing
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
so.........
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
....4...
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
or you could mean you're pressing four buttons because you're pressing buttons four times!
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Yes I did
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
it just wasn;t that simple.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
I'm blonde, you see.
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:
thats for sure
so farewell to distant thunder those inept stars ive worshiped under fall father thir father lies in wait in flames below says:

It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Thanks for the hammer down, I really do appreciate the EGO SQUISH.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Don't even think about saying that.
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
hands off my ego
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
haha
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
he
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
h
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
woo i just crack myself up
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
k, i admit, that was really lame
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Was that you who I was tal.... oh no, that was my conscious.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
Lol, don' worry about it
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
I crack myself up sometimes too.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
whoa
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
conscience^
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
not conscious. That was stupid and inmoral.
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
...
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
gah
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
that is my clue to go to bed
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
NIIIIIGHT Bryan
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
oh... and add me, I have a new e-mail:
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
lol
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
night
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
lil_apple_angel@hotmail.com
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
oops
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
i already have that..
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
beautifully_insane_li@hotmail.com
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
sorry XD
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
alright
It must first storm for there to be rainbows . Life is kinda like that... says:
that was stupid
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
im going too
archangel dark angel lend me thy light through deaths veil till we have heaven in sight says:
night

70071  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-15
Written: (7740 days ago)
Next in thread: 70072

*squeel* YAYAYYAYYA!!!!
[sirbonkalot], being the fantastic artist that he is, drew me an illustration for my Faery story, The Faery Jar! See my elfwood gallery for the old version, or e-mail me for the "better" "newer" version... and uhm... yeah!
Wow, he's even gonna color her for me too ^_^ We named her Li <3

68036  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-09-10
Written: (7745 days ago)
Next in thread: 70788

I was asked to homecoming to my biggest surprise. The first time I've ever been asked to a dance =O
The silly thing is, though, is that he asked me over the 'Net -_- But I've known this guy since I was like, in third grade and it would've been mean to turn him down. Plus, it's not like any one else wants to take me XD



The Frosh says:
hi
You suffering makes me smile. says:
HIIIIIIIIII
The Frosh says:
so r u going to homecoming?
Your suffering makes me smile. says:
I don't have anyone to go with!
Your suffering makes me smile. says:
So... nope.
Your suffering makes me smile. says:
Are you?
The Frosh says:
do you wanna go with me?
Your suffering makes me smile. says:
Sure ^_^
The Frosh says:
cool


But boy, oh boy, he sure did melt my heart.
67810  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-09-09
Written: (7745 days ago)

*Sigh* I feel dizzy. Not like, sick dizzy but like... a kind of love sick dizzy. I don't know how to explain it... *Sighs again* Sometimes I really love rainy days. I mean with the right music, the right mood, the cold... a good day at school, funny things said and done... Yeah.
Kinda cloudy... but the sort of cloudy where you can see the gorgeous blue behind it. Ah... <3
Someone just told me that I was wise... I dunno. Emily + wise just... doesn't fit. I think I know a lot, but not enough to be wise. I mean... usually someone my age can't spell or really type correctly, but so? I rped a little too much :P Aaanyway...
I love my Creative Writing class (L) I'm gonna try REALLY hard to get published.
Today's assignment was that we had to write a 100 word paragraph WITHOUT repeating ANY words, including "the" "and" etc. It wasn't too hard... maybe a gliche here and there... here's what I wrote:

Looking out to an eerie dock near the shore, thinking of mythological wonders, figuring strange expressions about sweet nightmares, this mind's eye writing ridiculous stories. Riddles in past tense haunt feelings within me. Mysteries concerning malicious monsters with rhythm abound mine neck, choking life away. Revulsion towards diminishing glances, none mercy given. Belittling speech, derogating opinions, disobeying Master's orders, praying forgiveness on thine knees, hoping release'll come save such sad souls. Forget shining sun, wish wings instead. Wait till faeries die before you fly, patience equals nine other virtues, seven wonderments underground; Earth. They are shocked whilst finding true truth.



Yeah. And that was without thesarus use @_@ Gawd I almost died.
66158  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-09-06
Written: (7749 days ago)

Always to be alone in meloncholy silence, in an apathetic state.
Broken Hearts, Broken Dreams; I'm Broken, That's What It Seems.



Welcome to my world. These are MINE, copyrighted BY ME, DO NOT TAKE OR I SHALL KILL.
65029  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-09-03
Written: (7752 days ago)

Here's a poem that I had to write for my Creative Writing class. I'll add on once I find the time.
The assignment was write an EXACTLY 50 word autobiography... eh, not too good. Oh well. It adds up to fifty so I'm happy ^_^



Loser with a Twist


Born June 19th, 1989,
Warm summer, soft sunshine.

Recieving tenders and kinds,
Never saying "thank you" lines.

Then when adolescence came,
Emily realized she had to play life's game.

Smart she turned out,
Loser with twist and shout.

Having much to say,
Emily allows no one in her way.


The end.
62125  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-08-27
Written: (7759 days ago)
Next in thread: 62127

At my school, I had third lunch which is at like 1 in the afternoon and that's when you're REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hungry... so anyway, I was in class one day, and there's a guy name De'Andre. Andre's cool, but the butt of every joke, almost.
So anyway, there's Brian, the jokester, then Morgan, the... well the Misc. dude.
Brian had brought a pair of handcuffs to school one day. So, being Brian, he got Morgan to crawl under the desks and handcuff De'Andre to the desk. But instead of that, he handcuffed his pants.
Now, De'Andre really likes lunch, and there's really nothing that can stop him from getting to lunch early.
So while the teacher is talking, De'Andre is trying to get the handcuffs off his pants *which are chained to the desk.*
Brian and everyone else are laughing their butts off.
Then, the bells rings and De'Andre is trying to tug the desk along to lunch, but Ms. Hayes stops him and calls the Janitor. So, maybe a minute passes, and De'Andre just can't take it.
So he takes his pants off and goes to lunch.
- ONE OF MY MEMORIES OF EIGHTH GRADE -

62108  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-08-27
Written: (7759 days ago)

Newwww poll! TAKE IT!! I like, dun get nobody's votes... ever ;-;



[Corrupted_Mage] and I in MSN. I am "The Sounds of Lace" and he's the long one. ^^


...and the darkness fell, crushing my imaginary world, where innocence thrives and the pure and good never suffer... says:
*pokey* HIGH SCHOOL
The Sounds of Lace says:
YAYAYA
The Sounds of Lace says:
I CAN'T WAAAIT
The Sounds of Lace says:
HIGH SCHOOL HIGH SCHOOL
The Sounds of Lace says:
*bounces off the walls*
The Sounds of Lace says:
- runs in little circles -
The Sounds of Lace says:
HIGH SCHOOL! HIGH SCHOOL!
The Sounds of Lace says:
HIIIIGH SCHOOOOOOOL!! *yells*
The Sounds of Lace says:
^^
The Sounds of Lace says:
- dies from pokey - X.x
The Sounds of Lace says:
- fries -
The Sounds of Lace says:
- dies -
The Sounds of Lace says:
- decay-i-fies -


BWHAHAHAHHAA >=D
60023  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-08-23
Written: (7763 days ago)

GAAAHHH SOMETIMES I REALLY, REALLY DO LOATHE ELFWOOD!!!!
*Sits down and cries*
I cnahged some of the file names on my stories, and then I just NOOOW remember that when you do that ALL YOUR COMMENTS GET DELETED!! WHICH IS STUPID AND ABSURD!!!!!!!
I don't want to lose my years worth of comments!! I work hard for those!!! *sobs harder* I HATE THIS!!!!

58832  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-08-19
Written: (7766 days ago)
Next in thread: 58842, 58874, 58937, 59770

Please note: If you like this story, please comment on it. Also, I'm looking to perhaps get this published somewhere... if you have anywhere, then please, please tell me :) Thank you.



Sweet Release

Looking up to the cloudless blue sky made a little spot between her shoulder blades ache with the want of release.
She gazed dreamily out the library window; the perfect spot to see over the school grounds. She breathed in sharply while she felt her skin begin to open.
I have to stop doing that, she thought to herself as she looked nervously over at the other students, making sure they hadn't heard her groan in protest. But their minds were occupied with their books, thankfully.
She sighed, licking her dry lips. She had to get out, the ache in her back was beginning to get unbearable.
I can't... they have to be asleep... they can't know... can't find out....
Again she glanced onto the ground. No one was there; no one around. They were all studying and she knew it.
It wouldn't hurt, said a small voice in the back of her head.
No! Said another in protest. What if someone decides to take a break? Go outside for a stroll around the grounds? She knew that was the voice of her good conscience.
What does it matter? You'll be gone by then! Lost in the wind; the sky; all the gorgeous blue you've been dreaming about for weeks now.... She licked her lips again, thinking about that freedom she so yearns for.
But what about getting down without anyone noticing? What about your classes? You know how important they are!
Her stomach churned uncomfortably.
You won't come back till night, plus it's the weekend, you don't have any classes to begin with!
She knew that was true. What could go wrong? She stood abruptly, her heart beating wildly. She left her books behind her as she walked right out of the library to the main doors leading to the grounds.
The hallway to the large doors was covered in paintings of previous Headmasters. She'd been sent to the boarding school disgracefully when her parents discovered her awful secret. They were too proud, rich, and powerful to show off their daughter, who they took for a beast; a monster; a figment of imagination. She'd felt immense hatred towards them ever since they secluded her from their perfect lives.
She opened the heavy doors, rushing out, the wind catching her hair and holding her face softly. She glanced around for human flesh, but found none.
She gazed back up to the sky, breathing heavily. She felt the urge grow stronger, her tongue dry, her throat burning in anticipation.
Suddenly a wave of heat washed over her, then she became cool again, finding herself staggering forward onto the green, lush grass.
She was tugging at her shirt, the silky material burning her skin.
Her back felt on fire, just enough to almost blind her. The two scars between her shoulder blades opened and closed, her skin bubbling as if something was growing beneath her muscle. Her face was twisted in pain, her teeth grinding, and her back arched.
Her knees buckled as a bone pushed its way out of her flesh, through the opened scar on her back.
She kneeled on the grass, breathing in the scent of the earth, closing her eyes tightly as the bone structure to her wings finally burst from her back, making her scream and cry in painful agony.
Her breathing steadied as slowly, silently, and gently her muscle and skin crawled from her scars and covered the bones, attaching it all together. After, her wings looked like massive, lightly colored, leather bindings. Then a feather sprouted at the very tip of her wing, followed by many others until both were completely covered.
She got up and sat on her knees gasping and sweating from losing so much energy. She brought her wings around her, as if embracing herself, gently stroking the silky white feathers.
She took a deep breath and looked at the sky, still blue and crystal clear. On shaky legs she stood, balancing herself with the new weight added onto her backside.
She felt as though she'd forgotten how to fly, flapping her arms and trying to push from the ground with little work from her wings.
She closed her eyes and imagined flying again, she concentrated on flapping her wings, spreading her legs shoulder length apart and extending her arms out before her. She started breathing deep breaths, feeling her lungs and heart grow to help oxygen flow better, her bones become hollow for better flight, which made her entire body feel like a fluffy cloud.
The marrow from her bones drained and she felt her wings become stronger, the feathers not as fragile as before, thicker even.
Then, slowly, her wings gentle, not making a sound, she felt her feet lift from the ground. First her heels, then her toes. She opened her eyes and rose higher and higher, keeping her legs and arms as far away from her body as possible.
She felt drowsy and happy, drunk on it almost. She flew high above, making sure not to be seen. She flew faster and flapped her wings harder, her arms coming to her side so that she could dive down and pop back up when she felt.
She tasted that sweet taste of freedom on her tongue, the scent of choice sitting on her shoulders. She felt invincible, like she could do anything.
Her wings started beating and her breathing was deep and hollow, she smiled as she soared through the air, touching clouds as she came by them. Her cheeks were touched with a splash of pink and her nose was turning red from the cold, thrilling air.
She flew above buildings until the sun began to sink; she saw people turning the lights in their homes on and off, the T.V.'s glaring their cerulean glow; kids roaming the streets, looking for trouble.
By the time she began to feel her wings slow down and her body fall, she was almost back onto the grounds. Lights were on in some student's rooms, probably the ones staying up to party, or the ones staying up to bury their noses into their books.
Carefully she lowered herself to the ground, gasping out and falling to her knees again. She was exhausted, yet exceptionally happy. No one had seen her, no one knew her secret.
She sighed heavily as her bones thickened and filled with marrow, her lungs shrunk along with her heart.
She looked behind her at her wings and stroked them lovingly, letting them embrace her once more, before the feathers began to fall off one by one. Her eyes swelled with tears as she looked at the ground, feeling her body quiver as her skin began to unfold itself from the bone, and the bone flapping one more time as if protesting before being sucked back quickly into the scars on her back, which closed with a burning sensation.
She collapsed on the ground in a pile of feathers in which she hugged.
A smile was printed on her lips as she felt herself drift off into a deep sleep, the dreams of flying coming to her once more.
Sweet release, sweeter every time.




© Emily Lynn McDurman. All rights reserved!
Emily McDurman, August 18th-19th, 2003.

Meh, still needs some work O_o Tell me what you think by going to my poll or commenting in a message or perhaps signing my guestbook ^^ Constructive criticism is welcome.
58295  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-08-18
Written: (7768 days ago)

Going to kill soon.
Very soon.

 The logged in version 

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