If anyone else just KNOWS, please messege me...

It's getting so lonely and I really want others that are 'awake' to talk to.

I love you all.

help me.

To those that care...

Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley... The man is a genius...

I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
but you don't really care for music do you
Well it goes like this the fourth the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah.

Hallelujah,hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah,hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when I moved in you
and the Holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
but all I've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah

just got off the phone to fabi... she has no idea how much she hurts me.

ah well...

heres what i have to say to you... fabi... if you ever read this...

Life is something that happens whilst you're planning for greater things

think about it for a while.

love you.

me and some friends were fucked on ecstacy and decided to form a band and write an album... the result?...

Alex and The Irrelevants.

plus a 6 track playlist.

woo.

''I'm finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving.''

Postal service - District sleeps alone tonight.

Got pretty stoned last night...

Am going to Fabric (a rather cool club) tonight...
Kinda looking forward to just letting go and losing myself in the music for a bit....

Not looking forward to the comedown afterwards though...

Its funny how i'm taking a pill to give me synthetic happiness, even while i know that after the damn thing has run out i'm going to want to slit my wrists...

or it could be one of those comedowns that dont really bother you...

something tells me i'm gonna need more tobacco than i have though.

shit.

ate too much

It would go like this...

breath deep.

exhale and smile.

red with a hint of green.

yellow into black.

eyes rain.

breath deep.

breath deep.

breath deep.

insanity only exists through other peoples lack of intelligence... not the other way around....

a quick example that came to me while on shrooms and only really makes sense when everything becomes relative to the moment...

a woman walks out of an expensive store wearing a rather nice coat.

an observer laughs at the situation as though it's the most absurd thing he has ever seen.

the woman looks at the person laughing and immediatly assumes he must be insane.. for he is laughing at nothing...

but... who is the insane one?

the woman of course.

she has no idea why the person is laughing.

Stolen from [the obvious child]'s diary... because I know she wont mind...

[what do you want to be when you grow up?] : Nothing different from what I am now.

[which famous person would you marry, and why?] : None.

[what is your drug of choice?] : Cannabis.

[what is your weapon of choice?] : My Intelligence or a rusty knife.

[with which fictional character do you most identify?] : 'Rob' from the book High Fidelity.

[if you could swap lives with anyone for a day, who would it be?] : anyone ignorant enough will do.

[what are your best personality traits?] : My overall Intelligence.

[what are your worst personality traits?] : My overall Intelligence

[what are your best physical features?] : Eyes, Lips

[what are your worst physical features?] : Hair, Nose

[the last five things you bought] : 25grams of columbian mushrooms, Wrigleys 'cool breeze' SugarFree gum, a pouch of Golden Virginia, Rizzlas, a bottle of CherryCoke

[what is your favourite word?] : 'slightly'

[what are you listening to right now?] : The Futureheads 'Meantime'

[favourite writer] : Nikolai Gogol

[favourite book] : Diary of a madman

[favourite movie] : Breakfast at tiffany's

[pet hates] : Preconceptions. Lack of intelligence. Non-smokers.

[are you in love?] : Slightly.

Someday I'l tell you everything I know.. but not before you know yourself first...

word of the day... 'ohhhh'... like when you remember why it is you put that particular song on a mix cd you never listen to.

did 25 grams of columbians today...

now I remember why I would never do shrooms again...

funny how it takes doing them to remember that same thing each time...

blah...

havn't had a joint all day... coffee and golden virginia is keeping me alive.

read a few of my favorite chapters of trainspotting to take my minds off of things... not the greatest of ideas i've ever had...

word of the day...

'exude'

had a great conversation with my best friend matthew... reassured me i'm not going insane and that i am infact a genius.

i love my friends.

It is said that when Buddha was first Enlightened he was asked,
"Are you a God?"
"No," he replied.
"Are you a saint?"
"No."
"Then what are you?"

And he answered, "I am awake."

After your trip life opens up

You start doing what you want to do

And you find out that the world

That you once feared

Gets what it has from you.

Oxygen - Willy Mason

I wanna be better than oxygen,
so you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees.
I wanna speak louder than ridilin,
for all the children who think they've got a disease.
I wanna be cooler than TV,
for all the kids that are wondering what they're going to be.

We can be stronger than bombs,
if you're singing along and you know that you really believe.
And we can be richer than industry,
as long as we know that theres things that we dont really need.
We can speak louder than ignorance,
cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.


On and On and On it goes,
the world it just keeps spinning.
Till Im dizzy, time to breathe,
So close my eyes and start again anew.


I wanna see through all the lies of society,
To the reality, happiness is at stake.
I wanna hold up my head with dignity,
pround of a life where to give means more than to take.
I wanna live beyond the modern mentality,
where paper is all that you really talk to create.

Do you remember the forgotten America,
Justice, equality, freedom to every race.
Just need to get past all the lie and hypocracy,
make-up and hair to the truth behind every face.
Then look around to all the people you see,
How many of them are happy and free?

I know it sounds like a dream,
but it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night.
I know it's hard to believe,
but it's easy to see that something here isn't right.
I know the future looks dark,
but its there where the kids of today must carry the light.


On and on an on it goes,
the world it just keeps spinning.
Till I'm duzzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.

If I'm afraid to catch a dream,
Ill weave you baskets and float them down the river stream.
Each one i weave with words I speak,
to carry love to your relief.

taken from the book 'mushrooms and mankind'

"The Hidden Meanings of Christmas"

After studying the Amanita muscaria mushroom for some twenty years, I fell into the company of some very enthusiastic folks who insisted that I commit this study to writing. It is one thing to talk about the many various religious writings which I have been looking into, and found ample mushroom symbology to present a verbal case for ethnomycological reference, but another thing entirely to compile it into book form. For one thing, in order to present a full scope of significant inter-religious connections verbally one can jump from one religious context to another, traversing a wide scope of references in several religions, weaving an overall scope of the similarities found in each. But in order to write a book on the subject I found that separating the different religious references into their respective chapters was the best way to go. So I try to limit the temptation to jump from one religion to another, and keep it to a minimum.

Within the study of world religion one finds philosophical systems. These are the philosophies which the respective believer adopts as their understanding of life itself. State-ism must be considered a religion in its own right, as even those who profess no religious preference or belief adopt a philosophical view of reality based upon a state/culturally conditioned belief system. These belief systems are also based upon religious philosophy which are brought into fruition through media and popular opinion. Were the many state and religious philosophies to be based upon truth and justice the world would not have an incredible history of bloodshed, wars and oppression. Therefore, religions and state indoctrinated belief systems share commonality of basic philosophical principles, and all of them must be looked into with an objective point of view. This must be done in order to dispel falsehood. It is not difficult to see that the condition of life on our planet leaves much to be desired. Societal conditioning plays an important part in developing individual belief systems. In some ways this could be considered a good thing, but in other ways it may be intrinsically bad. The study of ethnomycology can not simply be the study of religion and its association with mushrooms per-se' because by its very nature it must examine the philosophical principles of the religions which have an ehtnomycological connection. I need to explain this in order to set the stage for what is to come within these pages. This is not only an examination of ehtnomycological associations throughout history but is also an examination of those religions which show evidence of having ethnomycological association, yet currently deny this association due to corruption of their root principles.

So this study will deal with ethnomycology as a base, but will also delve into psychology, ethnology, philology, anthropology, archaeology, sociology, art, history, religion, myth, culture, symbology, and philosophy.

I will begin this book with the study of Christmas and its associated symbols and icons because after studying most of the worlds religions and their associated philosophies, I have found this to actually be a religion in its own right and quite pure philosophically.

What are the origins of the Christmas traditions? Most people never think to ask this question. Those that do, find a seemingly complete dogmatic system of explanation. Then, of course, one day there is that discovery that Santa Claus does not really exist. But... Does he? Many things have been written in an attempt to trace Christmas' development. You can find people who consider themselves experts in this field, and even books on this subject. I suppose you could call the field "Santa-ology", or perhaps even "Santa-ism". Yet, long lost, deeply underlying the realms of simple tradition, are very amazing symbolic connections and origins that are either long- forgotten or were/are intentionally overlooked. The basic philosophy behind Christmas is; if you are good you will receive a present under the tree, if you are bad then you receive no present. In some cultures those who are bad even receive punishment delivered by various means and personages. This is a very simple philosophical system. Santa Claus is an all knowing icon who reads the hearts and intentions of everyone on the planet. Each child is told the story of the round-man (who wears red and white) and his associates; reindeer, little people and Mrs. Claus. They are also told the story of a miraculous worldwide flight in a sleigh which results in presents being delivered under a tree. Yet when a child reaches the age of reasoning he is informed that this story is all a fabrication. This revelation is devastating upon the psyche of a young mind. It is also at this time that the child is often comforted, and pacified from the shock, by very strong reinforcement that the religious system which the parents or guardians profess are indeed factual. And an attempt is made to incorporate the respective religious traditions into the holiday as the REAL meaning for the celebration. There is an alternative to this cultural conditioning and shock-relief system of indoctrinations, into the realities of life, which is based upon truth and is much more interesting than even the simple traditional understandings of Christmas themselves. The key to this alternative is encoded within the icons and symbols of Christmas. To know the meanings behind the symbolism to which most people only attach dogmatic explanations, is to open the doorway to understanding the very roots of many other religions as well. Several books have been written about the Amanita muscaria mushroom. This mushroom is found growing all over the world under Pine (& other coniferous trees), Birch, and sometimes Oak. The Pine tree is one of the well-known central relics of Christmas. Under this tree is where those who are deemed good find their reward in the form of a present. A big red and white rounded mushroom grows under the very tree we are to look under on Christmas morning to find our gift. If we can find that this present does indeed exist. If we can find that reindeer are thought to be able to fly for a very good reason, and we can show that traditionally they carry people spiritually through the air in a way that defies the laws of time. And further, if we can show that the philosophical idiom "be good not bad" is really THE universal truth, would we have sufficient basis for discarding the established religious dogmas which traditionally replace the Christmas tale, and instead simply expand the story to reveal the more esoteric principles upon which it is based?

It is my assertion that the traditional day of reckoning wherein it is revealed; Santa Claus is not real, Reindeer do not fly, there is no present under the tree (unless placed there by a deceiver), is a dis-information campaign geared towards conditioning the young mind to be unable to accept the information which is presented herein. I also assert that the devastating blow of the destruction of a belief, and the associated reinforcement of "Christianity" (or other religious system) is psychologically designed to support the replacement information which is given as a comforting foundation during a time of shock and crisis, and is explained as something that will never be revealed as false (like Santa and all that fantasy).

It is also my conclusion that this event subliminally plays an important role for religious systems that wish to suppress the expansion of consciousness through fear of the unknown. The psyche is scarred deeply when it is forced to deal with realizing it has accepted a falsehood as truth. And when it deals with plants and things found under trees, subliminally, one armors oneself against these concepts. There develops an unconscious fear of falling into the same trap. Of course this is also pacified through replacing the meaning of things like the pine tree. Interestingly, in some traditions the PINEAL gland is thought to be the seat of the human soul. It is shaped exactly like a pinecone (hence the name Pine-al). Apparently, it is also an autonomous part of the brain, resting in the dead center, not attached to any other part of the brain; sort of a floating pinecone in the center of the human brain. Perhaps we have a lot more in common with the Pine tree than we thought. This gland, and its endogenous secretions, as well as other relevant implications, will be further discussed in a later section. But it is interesting to note; due to cultural phenomenon, the pineal gland atrophies during youth, which corresponds to this timely day of reckoning, and even begins to calcify during puberty. This atrophy/calcification causes a reduction of Pineal endogenous secretions.

The Santa Claus and Christmas traditions of today have metamorphosed out of many older mythologies. The icons, symbols, and relics that have managed to survive from the "Winter Solstice" celebrations of old, have a commonality that deserves some reflection, study, and perhaps even some reverence. Understanding that these traditions are borrowed ones, is central to getting at the heart of the true meaning of Christmas.

Previous description:

Hmm... what could I fill this space with?...


Monotonous garbage about what deodorant I use, what my favourite color is or what TV show I like... somewhere along the lines revealing my 'lucky number' is '13'... clearly under some kind of false pretence that irony is cool... Written up in an easy to read questionnaire style that I copied and pasted from another members page…


Endless (strangely familiar) lists of bands and artists I like such as Jimmi Hendrix, Pink Floyd and Nirvana... that I ASSUME will make me more accepted because... thats what cool people like... right?...


A few paragraphs filled to the brim with reasons why I'm different to everyone else, using words such as 'freak' and 'strange',
Hoping that you somehow forgot the last time you read the same thing on a another members page…


A list of reasons explaining what you cant messege me... Including the almost universal conversation starter... 'Hello' or 'Hi'... Ultimatly rendering all known conversational skills defunct due to a lack of wanting to hear anyone elses opinion... which by the way isn't because I'm just crap at making conversation...


A few lines warning other members not to send me messeges like 'you're hot' because frankly... I KNOW... though of course I'll give a less arrogant reason like... 'it isnt intelligent'...


A short description of my physical appearance... Portraying myself as a sexy young teen dropping in casual hobbies like 'basketball' and 'painting' to hide the fact that I'm clandestinely selling myself for 'cyber-sex'...


Paragraphs of 'personal' philosophies that I apparently thought up myself could work... such as why humans aren't the most intelligent species on earth and why the meaning of life is '42'... unaware that 90% of people on this site have read the 'hitch hikers guide to the galaxy'...


If I had the talent or patience... masses of poems or song lyrics divulging in the teen-angst side of my persona that seems to be mandotory in order to gain some respect amoungst the more 'hardcore' members could prove useful...


A bunch of conscious incoherent crap written merely to placate myself and the like minded fools ammoungst the members on here who feel they may be alone... or simply for the sake of being different...


A short rant about how I think all you people that think you're vampires, demons, elves and whatever else are just plain stupid... Or… I could just become one of you…


Quiz results telling me what kind of Smurf I am, what Lord of The Rings character I most resemble or how aberrant I am...


Long sentences and paragraphs, talking about how I hate superfluous conformity and social labels... Using words that exceed the average users terminology in a subtle yet extremely shallow attempt to appear 'avant-garde' and win over the more socially aware members...


Even a nifty step by step guide on all the banal things you should do to seem cool on Elftown... could work...


But I wont... I shall tell you all something new and interesting...