From my dA journal, written on 13 september around 17:00



Right...
Just came back from a cremation. The mother of one of my dearest friends passed on. She had been fighting against cancer and other obstacles for very long, but still putting aside her needs to take care of her family. Then it hit her in the throat area and last year they stated she could not be healed, it was the last time...
My friend Vikram and his sister Anu are adopted. He is from India, she from Nepal. I guess you would say they haven't just lost any mother, but a saviour as well...
The service was heavy, really damn heavy, but also very beautiful... A lot of different kinds of people were there; collage and carriere friends of Anu, family (little old'fashioned people) of the diseased and martial arts pals and squarter friends from Vikram's side. All so different, yet during the service we all sat, listened and cried as one...
The chest was covered with a purple sheet with lotus blossoms on top. She was a real new-age lover, and was very fond of the eastern philosohpies as well. While William said his bit with shaking hands, Anu said hers in a full flow of tears. And Vikram.. well, he was trying to stay very focussed and consious. And not because he didn't want to expres, but that's the way he is, he's very etiquette based, and wants to stay focussed on doing his bit, taking care of his guests and finishing the service. Tonight, after everybody's gone, he'll have his share....
Vikram was the last to say goodbye (of him, his sister and father) with his bit. It was beautiful, something I had expected, but impressive nonetheless... He walked up the front of the chest and did a highly-honoured greet from the Shaolin Kungfu, in a way only he is capable of... With so much love.
Then it was time for the guests to line up and say goodbye. I said goodbye with a eastern greet as well, and bowed to Vikram as we walked out...
It must be the first time in.. two years maybe, that he and I bowed to eachother. This time not as master and apprentice, but as friends, as brother and sister...
And now life must go on again. It seems so harsh, it seems so quick, and somehow impossible, that would be how they deem it... But the wheel goes on, the globe doesn't stop spinning either, and like Corrie herself used to say; life goes on, even after death.

My dear dear Vikram, my master, my brother, my dear friend... I know you won't forget you are not alone, but please also believe it. And even though we drifted apart in a way, our hearts never seperated, I know it. And the same goes for your and your mother. Bodies perish and the concrete disappears... but hearts that have been united by deep love, compassion and friendship can never be torn apart.

Sign this please, I'll owe you everything! xD
<3

http://www.petitiononline.com/ff7remke/petition.html

stolen from [Jitter], who stole it from [Teufelsweib] who stole it from trio xD

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Travel through Brittain
2.) Visit USA-Maryland to meet their Pagan community
3.) Be filthy rich and famous :P

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Paulien
2.) Paulientje
3.) Plien

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) Náriël
2.) Melocrie
3.) Elfje

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) my eyes
2.) my height
3.) the colour of my hair

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) Dutch
2.) Indonesian
3.) More? 0_o Ermm.. Germanic, I guess...

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Spiders
2.) Fragments of imagination after haven't slept for 48 hours
3.) dying without importance

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) Water
2.) music
3.) sight of nature

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) My new wollen celtic-design vest that makes me look like a bear
2.) pyjama pants
3.) Woodstock socks

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Omnia
2.) Jaya the Cat
3.) Cerridwen

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Sonata Arctica - Broken
2.) Crush 40 - Live and Learn
3.) Loreena McKennitt - Stolen Child

Three Things You Want/Have In A Relationship:
1.) hugs
2.) Being a friend apart from a lover
3.) no damn jealousy

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I am small (true)
2.) I am a girl (true)
3.) I live an interesting life (yea I wish >.>)

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1.) Eyes
2.) My height, please.... =(
3.) ermm...?

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) drawing
2.) making music
3.) games

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) pee
2.) eat
3.) watch Transformers 0_o

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Musician
2.) Artist
3.) Anthropologist

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Easter Island (if only.. :P)
2.) USA-Maryland
3.) UK

Three Names You Like:
1.) Senne
2.) Bran
3.) Wodan

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I can re-dress like five times a day
2.) I squeal when I'm startled
3.) I use my big googoo eyes to get stuff done :P

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I swear a lot
2.) I rarely wear skirts or dresses..? 0_o
3.) I love action and adventure

Three People That I Would Like To See Take This Quiz Now:
1.) Fabiola (both Vargas and Hamer :P)
2.) [Merle]
3.) ermm.. [random]?

I quit smoking last night... That evening went by okay, but just because I drank wine until I didn't even notice my urge to smoke any more :P
Right now I'm just restless... I'm really happy and cheerful, but still restless :P I feel that itch, that urge, all the godforsaken day long...
But I will not cave! I will not feed that stupid little nicotine monster inside me. I will starve him to death! MWUAHAHAH!

*allan carr rulez*

Tomorrow off for the Gothic & Fantasy Fair with some friends. I've been working all week and now my back is KILLING me, I hope it'll be better tomorrow. After that, it's still one more week of fulltime hard work, I hope I can take it. Starting from the 24th, I will no longer work everyday. They can climb up my ass for all I care, but I've got better things to do than to look after their systems. My contract says I'm a saturday worker, for crying out loud.

Anyways, g'night all!

Lately I've noticed that I'm not so much sad anymore like I used to. But still, everytime I listen to Loreena McKennitt - Stolen Child, this.. choked feeling sweeps over me, and I get sad for no reason.

Right now I'm damn tired and cold, from working in the rain all day. My right hand is killing me. Images of Children of Ilma are flashing through my head, but I'm having the hardest time writing them down.

Does anyone here even remember the Children of Ilma...? I made a portrait of Náriël.. wanna colour it with watercolour, but my hand is killing me and my head is too heavy...

Dunno why I'm writing all this, I just felt I should. Now I'm gonna continue writing the story, or at least try to...

I've given it so much thought and I've been back and forth, but now it's official. I'm quitting the art academy. For now, at least, for I'll be going back in 2008.

It's just too much... Too much things going on and gnawing on my mind.. In the past four years I've build up a lot of stress and I've never had the chance to let it out. I thought that once I would be studying, it would all pass over. Buh bye highschool, and hello world of art!
How wrong I was... it only got worse and worse. So many things occupy my mind and college just doesn't fit. I don't have the strength for it, at least not now.

I talked to Fa's mum (considering my mum as well), my oldest sister and finally my dad. They all support me, though my dad still doesn't quite understand. But he loves and because it's so important to me, he stands beside me. I so much appreciate that.
And today I talked with the social worker at my school. I was preparing for a great speech and all that trouble about paying back the financees and stuff... But none of it came. It was so simple. I don't have to pay anything, because I'm only 'logging off' from school. And I'm not quitting the study itself. As long as I get my diploma in 10 years, everything is alright.

I'm just so relieved... and somehow my shoulders seem so much lighter. For now the time has come for me to rest... To let all that's happened sink in. I now have the possibility to find out who and what I am, and to really be what I wish to be.
Next year I'll come back, and when I do I'll be much stronger.

From now on every day will be a day well spent. I cannot waste anything anymore, it's time for me to live. Highschool has sucked the very will of life out of me, and it's time to take it all back.

I want to grow. And I think I have, because this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. But I stand by it. A new door opens now and I can already see that sunrise!

So prepare yourselves! For I'm going to have a burst of creativity soon! I'm gonna restore my soul and grab life at the balls!!!!!!

Kinda old news, but it popped up into my head again just now.

A few days ago I had this scray dream. I can't really remember what happened exactly, but the world was in horrible shape and the earth was angry. At one point, earthquakes and tornado's were revolving around us. I was on the run with someone else, when suddenly a volcano spit fire and the lava came to us at great speed! I tried to run, but it swallowed me and I panicked, could feel it burning, could feel it hurting like shit... that it woke me up. And for a few seconds only afterwards, I was still burning like hell... When I fell asleep again, I was alive, and dreamed that the entire humanity had been vanquished, except for a few...
Bizarre, huh?

AAAAAAAH OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok there's this guy right
and a few years back i liked him A LOT
and now
the more time we spend together, the more i start to like him
and now i just found out
THAT HE DAMN LIKES ME BACK!
but its so strange
we've been best friends for almost 6 years now...

and im a lil confuzzled......

YAY!
BYE!

Omnia says Click Me!

Go now! Shoo! Hurry, run forest run! xD

Lughnasadh...

Ever have I felt the sun beaming down on me
Even now I make the vow; to face the light and see
as the trees grow and ripe, to wither again after
The circle does not start or end with an everlasting bend
we shall share the days with laughter

With a sickle in my hand, the sun reflecting upon its blade,
I shall never forget the blooming days and the goodbye I bade
I cut the grass, I cut the grain, do not let our singing be in vain
for when we have circled around the sun once more,
freshly grown flowers shall illustrate the lore

Lugh, beam down on me, rain down your rays of light
I shall dance and I shall sing, with all my virtue, with all my might
The People of the Meadows are no liars when they march around bonfires
For we shall honour the earth and the light it emits
We shall live from whatever the Great Mother permits

Oh my goooooood... my head is pounding, tears keep pouring all over my face and I'm shivering... Never, EVER, did I expect it to be so good. Sad, victorious, but good. I think I just read the most spectacular book of my life (so far...?). Dammit, I can't stop crying xD

I just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

And here it ends. Blah, I want more! xD
Though not more, you can have to much of a good thing. But I still can't stop crying and I don't intend to! xD

I won't give anything away, of course. To those who are gonna read it, or currently reading it: make sure you have a bundle filled with tissues at your side... You're in for one rough ride.

Like two hours ago I found an ANCIENT story I started writing in first grade of high school.. And when I say ancient, I do mean 'ancient'! It's written in dutch, has like 5 chapters so far and it's HORRIBLE! xD
I mean, the story is good I suppose, but damn the context is simply horrible. I recall basing it on continious dreams I had during that period. I really want to rewrite it, and in english. Translated, the title says 'Satyr's Rock'.

I'm quite curious how it would turn out if I would recreate it... How about finding out? xD

I've already rewritten one page of the first chapter, getting comments that 'it looks a lot like Harry Potter'.... >.>
Yea right, because surely Harry Potter had an annoying little sister as well, lived on a barn near a forest, had a big black wolfhoud as a friend and lived with foster parents.

You know, during these hypes it seems rather hard to come up with something original, doesn't it? I just wish people would get their heads out of the clouds and start to realize that there are also OTHER stories than HP or LotR... >.<

Sigh... oh dear Elora...

my harddisc died.. I guess it lived out the last of his days..
This is bad, so damn bad. Why am I suck a dickhead, forgetting to make backups? >.>
I lost everything, truly everything. My new chapters of Children of Ílma, my project files, my website storage, MY ART! T_T

I know I know... it's not the end of the world. The real challenge is to find a new disc, since I have... like no money at all. Sure, I can buy one with my salary, but then I won't be able to go to Castlefest and celebrate Lughnassadh... Meh >.<

So, what do I do now? It's so boring without being able to work on my projects. I'm just goofing around on my dad's pc now, doing a lil cleaning and standing in front of the mirror doing my hair (can you picture that? 0_o).

A bright lining though: tonight I'm gonna see Harry Potter 5 at the movies, together with my brother and dad. Too bad [Hellcatje89] can't come along... Meh >.<

On top of that, I'm working hard on becoming a multi-miljonair, by winning the national lottery, lol. That'll make life so much easier. Sadly, money is the link I need to make my dreams reality... What a sucky world these days, innit?

The weather's fine today... A blue sky. Meh >.<

I'm gonna cook some lunch now.. See ya all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck emotions, fuck this, im never gonna have a bf again i swear (though in a year from now that thought'll change lol), breaking hearts is just not my thing.... what's it take for a person to get a quiet, simple life around here? with space, room to breathe, energy to act.... >.>

again, it's nearly 1am and i wont sleep for another 6 hours or so...
meh, who needs sleep anyways

woohoo another period of dark days coming! i embrace them and ask you all friendly to feel the sarcasm >.>

ok, enough whining for me, im gonna play sudoku

buh bye

I've become 18 today. Doesn't feel different, nor exiting. I'm just gonna keep doing what I planned. Nothing changes.

(fragment #1)

The Great Chronicles of Ílma
5th Era, Account Number 28

"Alas, we have failed to surpress the anger and hate of mankind, and therefore I fear Ilmarissë shall be punished. For not only has this hate consumed all hearts, it has now taken shape. The Dimath no longer holds the sanctity from earlier reputations, but is now covered by a lingering twilight. I fear that if the sun will set, darkness will swallow everything.
We, the dragonic angels known as the Saríth, have failed. We watched how our people sent off their greatest legions to destroy this new evil, and we have watched them die, one by one. Not even our sacred powers are a match for this reïncarnated form of darkness, for the splendor we cast upon our people is being blocked by a dark cloud.
When the time had come for desperate meassures, the Council of Ílma gathered once again in the Great Halls of the Holy Island. They have debated for long hours, while I sat on the side taking my notes, when I noticed that my heart had been clouded as well. I could feel the shadows moving around me, but was unable to see, unable to touch.
Now, my good friend Dyros, formerly known as The Giver, has given us a simple formula to take down this menace: Only pure innocence can overcome pure evil.
This is how we define pure evil. Ripped talons and glassy eyes, watching all from the inside. It is the combined force of our own darkness, shaped as a blade that can cut through souls.
And this is how we define Ílma. The force of sanctity, our sacred light. Our hopes, dreams, lands and lives. Ílma is all the good we fight for, a choir sang by a thousand birds.
The Council of Ílma has made her decision. Tomorrow, at dawn, we shall send forth seven children, alive and honost. They must use the force of Ílma to light their inner candles and to retrieve the sun over our lands.
What I am about to say I regret deeply. I am afraid that not even we, the Saríth, are able to aid our children at all times. For on this very moment I wish for the power of immortality, which is my darkness. I am ashamed.
Take heed, my children! The hatred that has spread over Ilmarissë lurks from the dark and has the power to crush souls. Let your candles burn and spread your light. I realise that light also creates shadows, but shadows are all they are. Highlight this world and vanquish the darkness, shatter him into nothing more than shadows, dancing on the flanks of my mountain. You have my faith, Children of Ílma. Fight forth, but beware of the Soulbreaker, for he does not tolerate resistence."

Elftown Renaissance

Who volunteers to help out?

How can you help?
1. By becoming a member of the staff (tasks will be shared)
2. Message me good wikis that go into certain sections at Renaissance (name its owner(s) too)
3. Become a member and put a badge in your house
4. Advertise
5. Sending in thoughts and suggestions on how to bring Elftown back to the old days
6. Put a link to Renaissance from your own house/wiki

Ok enough with the signs already! So it's pretty clear I should rewrite Children of Ilma, that's it! I'm gonna do it, lero lero!
It's going to be a whole other thing, though same stories and many the same scenes. But damn, it's been 7 years since I first started on that damn story. So I'm gonna make it better than even and PUBLISH it. And what's more, I'm actually going to finish it xD
The story's being introduced totally different than before. Wanna read the "retroduction"? Go here:

http://stardrop.deviantart.com/journal/12418138/

Thanks all!

I will start with new artworks, after my exams the real writing shall begin. Here's a little preview of quotes from the new intro:

"But the hardest task was to befall upon the Children of Ílma from Yennevar, the very place where hatred took shape."
~Narrator

A strike of thunder tore the sky apart, as the twilight turned darker and the abyss before her blackened even more.
~Narrator

"The power of our stones have been enough to break it," Owen said. "They hold the power of Ílma, the power of good!"
~Owen

"Well done, my most loyal servent of many," a deep voice galled through the hall. "I may be defeated, but this wretched world shall taste my wrath."
~Yanduryn

"How?" the boy cried as he looked up at his friends. "We defeated him! The power of Ílma had ended him, then why did this have to happen?"
~Drinn

"He's alive," Lianna said quickly and put her sword back into its sheath. "The Saríth owe us an explanation."
~Lianna

"Yanduryn is harmless now, his power has been shattered to bits. When the day comes on which he will return, our own children will be his ending."
~Lianna

I need to know who on Elfwood had a gallery under the name [laraneu2]!! Gallery doesn't exsist anymore.

You see... for fun, I typed into google images: Children of Ilma.
And what do I get? A picture of my lovely Náriël Elenilimba which I have NEVER seen before? This is clearly fanart and I want to meet the artist! But damn, the page couldn't be found when I tried to enlarge the image, the gallery has been suspended due to inactivity, I think.

This is the thumb:


Help me find the artist, please! T_T

WHAHAHAHA stupid ideas are the BEST EVER!

Soo... I'm going to Israel this summer, together with [Hellcatje89], to visit my friend Evyatar Levi. Because by that time I will be 18 so I can travel on my own, and [Hellcatje89] will be under my "care"! xD
Don't you just LOVE this idea? Yea yea I know... why of all countries in the world do I have to pick Israel? Simple: a challenge, innit?
Though, of course first I must know everything we need to know in order to behave well, we don't wanna end up in jail for chewing gum in public 0_o

Anyways... high five for the wierdos! [Hellcatje89] and I have always been good in going on adventures together, but we haven't done anything good for years. So this will be our greatest adventure so far. We both haven't flown before, not ever, and we're only going for 5 days. I know myself, I will be homesick if I stay longer than a week, since I've never really been on vacation before... Sad, innit?

It's gonna be g0o0o0o0o0o0o0od!

Now I just have to tell my dad... >.<