Walking down a dark street she pulls her jacket tight for warmth
A small comfort that the arms of some one else could fulfill
but there's no one here to soothe her
just an empty street.

Breathing the thick air she wishes for something to be home when she gets there
some one to go home to would do just fine
but she knows the house will be empty
nothing there but a broken tv.

Around the corner she heads pulling out her keys
but there's no tingle in her heart as she unlocks the door
only a loved one on the other side could give her this feeling
and she feels there is no one...

Into the apartment she heads throwing her cat on the floor
no need to be neat when is doesn't matter what your home looks like
Only is there when there is something to clean up for
but her night shall be silent as the following day.

To her room she treads finding a piece of paper and a freshly sharpened pencil
she sits down in an old chair and looks out the window
she writes her soul onto the paper
spilling her eotions for anyone to see, but she knows no one will.

She sighs and leaves her desk stained in tears,
soaking through the wood the small beads of watershe watched for several minutes.
not even noticing her actions, simply drinking straight from the bottle
a warm liquid burning down her throat.

Falling to her back she lays on her bed motionless
looking to her right she sees a drawer inviting her inspection
as she opens it a silver shine catches her eye
she tilts her head and beholds its beauty.

A single shot and she's gone
spread across her white silk sheets all alone
just as in her mind

While clutched tightly in her hand the soft paper read
"I want most the thing that i could never ever have,
and though I try to explain to you it seems you will never understand. 
Your love I need and for you I bleed but
tonight I bleed no more."

[“I love you,” She whispered as she ran her fingers through his soft brown hair, a tear sliding down her cheek. “And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just know that I love you and I always will.”
He watched in stiffening silence as she rose to her feet, seeming to walk on air as she made her way to the tall oak tree. The September air blew through her long red hair, she closed her eyes and spread her arms embracing it. Turning her head she tried a small smile to reassure him. The smile was unfitting to her tear-stained face but he took in that moment with all he had, memorizing every small detail as she sailed away; falling over the edge of the mountain.
The time had passed by so quickly, it seemed they had only been together for a brief moment rather then three years, but now time seemed frozen, for without her he felt he had nothing. His eyes began to feel heavy as he cried for her. Sobbing, he took ragged breaths and threw his head back against the tree supporting him, and he died.]

Sound like the beginning of a good story to you?
Well it's the beginning of one of mine. Anyone want to hear more?

I Fear.
I fear the worst and push away the best
I worry of the consiquinces it could bring

I fear.
I fear the love that I long for and I don't believe your words
I think of losing you and for this I cry

I fear.
I fear all the things I want to say but am afraid too
what will happen if I don't?.......

I fear.
I fear you need more then I can give
I'm afraid some one else can.

I Fear that you don't know, but I really care 
I may not always tell you
but just know my love is there.

A week has passed since I found a purpose. And he's still here.

Through teary eyes I see the world on a new way

The ground beneath my feet has shifted and now I smell the air with a passion

Things aren't so pointless and it just might be ok

all because of this.

No longer a I alone, and no longer am I in pain

I found some one to make me happy
and now I shall rejoice.

With a smile on my face I'll walk down the halls
and with you by my side I'll feel like I am worth something.

and I'll do my best to make you feel the same.

From happy to sad
Joyous to mad

So unpredictable are these feelings.
and frankly I don't give a fuck anymore.

One of the most dangerous and self-destructive traits of the human is the state of emotion which one holds.

Some have a worse case then others...because everyone is different

and truthfully

I'll tell you

I have one of the most emotional.

So now I'll cry and wish to die
though true death I would never want.

Do you know that special person, that you could never live without?
The one for which your heart beats?

Do you know that perfect some one,
For which you have desires?

Do you wake every morning, with soaring thoughts of them?

Do you lay awake at night and wonder, what would happen when...?

There's a person in the shadows, maybe you can't see
There's a person in your mind, some one out there for me.

But this person I don't know yet
and because of this my heart cries

Because without my person to live for...there's nothing to do but die.

Every morning she wakes,
and she only thinks of him.
All the time that she's wasted,
all the things that could have been.

Every morning as she combs her hair,
she thinks it's too late to move on;
Maybe he'll change,
she's been waiting for twenty years...

And everytime he hits me,
I just think of her face
and all the while he's screaming,
I think of a better place.

All the marks he's leaving,
I deserved it in the end
and all the things he's cursing,
I just turn my head and then...

Every day the same thing happens
and all the years go by
Every day nothing changes
the years just seem to fly

And one day she'll realize the truth
one day she'll know
and one day once she's lost all her youth
she'll think of all the signs she's missed...

And everytime he hits me
I just wait for the day
and in my room I'll cry

And everytime he hits me
I picture my revenge
but this I could never do...

All the cuts I've hidden
the ones within my soul
and one day I'll pour my heart out
and then the truth will show...

Every lie he's told you
I just never did correct
but from all the shit he's sold you
this shit I most regret.

But for now I'll turn my head
and let you make your own mistakes.

What's another busted lip?

But with all the threats you know he's yelled to me
I keep hoping you'll catch on...

It's in the nature of a human to destroy itself....












Bummer huh?

I'm dying of trying and no one even sees
I'm crying from this lying and the lying isn't even from me
I'm denying from fear of truth but truth is what there is
I'm leaving from being unwanted...Almost out the door.

I'm remembering a time when things were different.
I'm remembering a time when you were in this for love.
I remember a time when I cried and told you and you were at my door in a heartbeat.

Now I cry because of you.
Now I cry and you pay no mind.
Now I cry after you've deliberatly made me....
and this is fun?

This is fun to turn against some one who loves you and rip their reality from under their feet?
This is fun to make then cry and scream at them for no reason?
This is fun to hang-up just to see if they'll call back...then when they do..hang up again?
This is fun to be the biggest ass I have ever known...it must be because you're still doing it.

I guess I just have to move on because I'm not taking it anymore.
I guess I have to slide over and let her have her way with you because you're not changing anything.
I guess I have to quit calling and wasting your time, you have better things to do with her now.
I guess this message is just a waste of time;
You won't take the time to read it...even if I wrap it up and paint it all of your favorite colors...or write the names of your favorite bands across the top twenty thousand times.

So I think I'm going to just quit.
It's not giving up when it happens like this.
When you've tried but it's just not working...maybe they don't want it to,
but whatever reason it really is they blame it on you.
I have the right to leave.

And he won't care.
So why bother writing this?
He won't read it.
So why waste my time, ink, and paper?
Because I can.

As you have so "beautifully" said before.

Oh my god..
I hate everything....
I just want to die.....
and it's all your fault.....

I'm crying my eyes out.
and it's because of you
you think it's funny
well fuck you.

I haven't done anything
and if i did I said I was sorry.
I told you I love you
and you did this to me.

I'm going to hate you forever
but you won't even care
I'm going to try and forget you
but it will never work...

you think I'll get over it
in two days tops, I will call
well you're gonna get fucked over
I won't forgive you at all.

I'm gonna tell everyone how cruel you are
and I'm going to knock out your girlfriends front teeth
I'm going to tear down your cover
and show the world what's beneath.

and maybe you're right
I drove you away
I'm just a cold-hearted bitch
but I'm staying this way.

I know you'll twist the story
make everyone think I did you wrong
but I won't let it phase me
I'll try and stay strong.

Because I know that I love you
and I know you don't care
I know you don't want me
so I told you straight and fair.

It's not funny to play with people's feelings
and it's not a game when you mess with some one's heart.
So just go and fuck your slutty ass girlfriend
and forget everything from the start.

I'm just writting to have something in here....


I love you for reading this.