I'm worried, very worried, confused as well, but more than anything I’ve stopped caring, getting depressed again and cutting again, pfft if you don’t like it, piss off.

Now I’m sitting here drinking myAlcaholic Home Brewed Ginger Beer and wondering how long it will take for it all to end.

I’m in a real fucked up position, and I mean real fucked up.

Now I don’t want to destroy her trust but not like anyone we know who cares is going to read this, so who gives a fuck? The ones i do know that'll read this are Vera, Jess and Madz. Now Vera prolly couldn't give a shit, although she cares, Jess is a cool donkey who will prolly tell everyone and I've just stopped caring and Madz doesn't even go to our school, so i love you all =)

Friday before last this girl I met and like a lot took me to a party, and yes, me being the slut I am, got with her.
Now we met some guys on the beach and while I was getting with Ebb one of them starting touching her up, I looked down and said “What’s he doing?” then she giggled and replied “Mind your own business” and pulled my head back to hers and kept kissing me. After a while I felt him going at it and was like “OK, WTF???” and was a little bit to drunk to care, but I still didn’t like it.

Yeah, I’m not the person for threesomes or for anything like that, I really don’t like them actually, but I didn’t want to get up and walk off, or tell them to stop, so I kept going.

Then I realized, shit, is this guy wearing a condom? So I asked Ebb and she said she didn’t know, so I turned around and asked the guy and he was like “I dunno can’t remember”

So I asked Ebb, “Do you want him to stop?” and she said yes, so I turned around and told him to, he said he was “all good” so I kicked him in the head and told him to fuck off, and he did, on our friend who had fallen asleep a couple of minutes earlier about 20 feet from us.

Fucking Wanker.

Anyway, so we were ok, found our mates and went back, finished the night and it was all good.

Now, day after I left for Avalon, Victoria, for the air show that my dad’s aircraft was featured in and we got free week long VIP Gold passes to. I managed to somehow get with a Canadian in that time, on St. Patrick’s night, and have a great time, we’re now good friends.

Now during this time, while I was away, Ermis, a good friend of mine, managed to get with Ebb and fuck me over.
I’m not mad, she’s not my girlfriend, well not properly, but I am a bit agitated, cause I like her heaps, more then I should I guess, and Elmo does too, again to much. At least he had the respect and courtesy to say to me “If I asked Ebonee out would you be pissed?”

Well, I didn’t want him to, but I didn’t wanna sound like more of a dick than I am, so I said that I would be a bit annoyed but it’s not my business who they go out with. Then he decided not to, but he’s still all over her.

DAMNIT! She used to be mine, I used to hug her all lunch and recess and kiss her and touch her and let her know I loved her and she loved it, but not now, there’s two of us, too similar, way to similar.

But also, another thing is that Courtney was a bit sick. Now for those of you that don’t know, Courtney is a great friend of mine; she once told me that aside from me, she’s only had sex with 2 other people, and only about 4 other times. Wow.

But she told me the other morning, she has Cervix Cancer, she’s already frozen some eggs and was in hospital today. I went to see her, she seemed ok, but I’m not sure. I know it’s from having sex and someone’s cock hitting her cervix, and we both know it’s probably me, but we’re both to nice to say it to each other.

I’ve offered to pay for half of her operation to remove her Cervix and Ovaries but she refused. I AM blaming myself, and fuck you if you don’t like it.
I have all these wankers telling me to be happy, don’t worry, don’t get depressed ra-ra-ra, well fuck you too, I WANT to be sad, I WANT to be depressed, I want to fucking grieve over it and just let her know I love her. But it’s to hard with these dicks.

Well that’s all I have to say, so screw you and please leave a note, I need help, men in white coats coming this way damnit!

Hahaha i just got home and JESUS i'm in the shit now!
Lol, we were in Media and i got bored so i blew up a condom and we were throwing it round everywhere playing some sorta volleyball game hehehe.
Then, Beccie lay on my lap so i cuddled her and the teacher told me off, so i let go, but she stayed there and i kept hugging her, then bout 5mins later the techer to me not to so i stopped and she sat up.
Then bout another 5 mins later Gabbie, who's sitting on the other side of me, lay on my lap so i huggled her, i luvs her, she's the gwoociest, but NEhoo, the teacher saw and went mental and sent me out.
Then you know what he did? Called me in after class, showed me the condom, put it in an envelope and showed me what he wrote on the envelope. It went something like this.....:
"Mr. LeCornue {the subschool head},
Stuart was messing around inappropriately in class.
He blew up a condom and was throwing it around, had his hand around girls and was disturbing the whole class.
They do not find his entics funny and they are distracting to both them and myself.
The condom is enclosed in the envelope and I suggest he be suspended and any further trouble and he will be removed from this class."

ra-ra-ra FUCKYOU!
I wasn't "putting my arms around girls" i was showing my affection for them, hell, at least I'm not hitting on other guys in the class, then I'd REALLY be in the shit lol =D