Can anyone, any of you scared people out there, scared of death and life, tell me, if you really, really would commit suicide?
I see so many entries and blogs of so many emo people saying "I'm so depressed, I hate my life, I want to die" etc. etc. But just dwell on this for a while people, and then think of your life and if it really is so bad.
'Someone I know', the people who know me well know who I'm talking about, has a fucked up life, and he needs so much attention and compassion and everything else, that he can never get.
This is the simple sum-up of how it is for this wee lad.
His mother has sever depression, spends nearly %100 of her spare time in bed, and he takes care of her. He's been doing it ever since he was about 11 or 12. Now by 'taking care' I mean getting her up for work, making dinner, working out finances, cleaning, everything.
Now this wee lad has his own problems as well. He is a Manically Depressed Paranoid Schizophrenic, all caused by drugs. Now he's attempted suicide a total of 7 times. For someone who does it seriously, like he does, that’s a lot. Most people that attempt suicide, and survive to talk about it, very rarely do it for the death factor. It's all attention, but we'll leave that there.
Now this wee lad, he's literally depending on medication for all this. Stilnox to help him sleep cause there are always people or always something shouting at him in his head. He's on Efexor for the depression, a whole 500milligrams of it. And he's also on a form of Lithium for the schizophrenia.
All people that know him in person will tell you, that it's not pretty when he forgets to take the Efexor or Lithium 2 days in a row. It's not pretty.
On his arm, there are an amazing amount of scars, from many things. Some from fights, and some from when he see's something unbelievable and cuts himself to make sure he's not dreaming, turns out he's hallucinating. And others from when he's depressed and just cuts for the fuck of it, to see the blood and feel the pain.
What sort of hallucinations? Well, imagine this...

3am you wake up, and there's someone outside screaming for help, you know, the usual, "Help me, help me, someone, anyone, help me" etc.
So you get up and get dressed and go outside in the freezing cold to help this wee lass.
You walk out of the door, and you're in a desert. When you live in the hills, this ain't normal. The girl is still screaming, but you realise, 'this can't be right, oh, it's a hallucination, time for bed.'
So you turn around and there is no house there, not even a door, and the girl is still screaming.
What can you do? In the middle of nowhere, sun blazing down, hot as anything and someone you can't hear screaming for help.
So you lie down and scream your lungs out until your mum wakes up, carries you inside, gives you sleeping pills and puts you to bed.

Interesting?

Anyway, the scars I mentioned, they're all permanent, long, grey streaks, all down his arm, mainly the wrists and bicep / triceps.
This wee lad's sister is always sick, she works as a nanny and literally has such a small immune system that if she cuts herself, no matter how small, she has to immediately put Betadine on it.
He spends some of his time taking care of her as well.

He looks up at the sky, see's the birds that can fly, and he feels like crying.
Like the bird on the tree, he just wants to be free, so he keeps on trying.

He live sin constant pain, but rarely shows it.
There are three things that he suffers from.
The first runs in the family, his brother (who mind you, does nothing at home because he works all day) and his father both have it.
It is called Anglising Spondylitis, I'm not sure if that’s spelt correctly, but it's not nice. It's a form of arthritis, where your body doesn't produce much, or produces very little fluid and cartilage, between the joints in the bones.
It's constantly painful and always inflamed.
The other is a rude thing, very private, but I've got his permission to say it. People who know who this is about, I think that you know this anyway, and if you don't, meh, now you do, he doesn't care.
It's nicknamed 'Lovers Balls', where the Testicles produce too much sperm, and literally swell up. Commonly when it hasn't been 'released', so to speak, it pushes its way up into the bladder. It's painful; it's like putting you're dick inside a huge pressure chamber, in low pressure. Yes, ouch.

He always acts happy, rarely let’s his guard down, and it hurts him. Who can he talk to? Most of his best friends have moved away, overseas or interstate, and in Australia, that’s not easy. He does have his friends, but he's not so close to them, he tends to switch groups of friends every year or so, either he realises what they're really like, or they don't like him anymore. No real close friends that he can just ring up and finds easy to talk to, and no one to help him, scared of everyone and everything, hating life, but only staying around for his family. He knows they'd be in a bad state if he left. No one would care if he did, but he doesn't want them to have to spend money on a funeral and a carer.

So next time one of you mother fucking 'depressed' cock spankers are going to say that you want to die, just remember a few points.
1) If you really did want to die, you would have tried and most likely succeeded but now
2) There are always people worse off than you, so don't fucking complain
3) There's also the people who want to die so desperately, but because they're one of the very few people who actually care, they stick around. As soon as there's nothing to care about, they're gone
4) You mother fucking shit licking anal dwelling scrotum sweat lickers are taking advantage of the few people in this world with a heart that care.
5) The truly depressed people, like my friend here, don't get help. There's no one to get help from, they're the ones who need it. Sadly enough, the people who need the help, either don't have anyone to help them, or aren't around anymore to get it because no one took notice

So fuck you all.

A dream is not a lie, it’s just another life.
A dream can be little, or be big or be nigh.
If I see death in my dream, I long it to come true.
But it never will, if I know you.
So you stopped my dreaming, you ceased my thoughts.
You took away my imagination, and all that you taught,
You taught me to want, you taught me to need.
But if it is death, then you stop me to heed.
I wanted to die, Escape my first life.
And when I did, it was only then that I realised.
This was a dream, this was a lie.
This was, unlike you taught, my second life.
My dreams in a dream, my death not a wish.
It all meant nothing; because it’s just, another dream

Hahaha we're a couple of nutters i do beleive.
Now, just before you read on, if you're easily offended by paying out Jew's or Germans, then don't read on, but i must remind you this was and is ALL IN GOOD HUMOR.
I am very against racism, in my honest beleif anyone who prizes themselves over another human being just because they are of a certian race or a different religion doesn't deserve to be free.
But moving on, once again, it's all in good humor, so please don't take it offensively.
Thankyou for your support, in accordance with the prophecy, lets get on.....

Dan: hello
Stu: yello my little munchkin
Dan: *cough* evil little munchkin! EVIL LITTLE MUNCHKIN! you always leave out the evil *sniffles*
Stu: i'm sorry Lucifer my son, please forgive me?
Dan: ok, but i wont be so forgiving next time
Dan: bleh, damn me and my opposites
Stu: DAMNIT LUCIFER HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Stu: YOU NEVER FORGIVE ME! IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW AFTER YOUR FATHER AND BE THE NEXT SATAN YOU NEED TO LEARN TO HAVE NO HEART!
Stu: NOW OFF TO THE CELLS WITH YOU! NO! MAKE IT THE TORTURE CHAMBERS! We must make your heart hard by killing some Germans......
Dan: some germans? germans can live, at least they're people. lemme at those damn jews
Stu: oh are you sure??? they're hard to kill, i don't think you're ready for it, if you want something thats a challenge go for the English or the Americans, the Jews just don't die. I do not beleive you're ready for that yet my dear son. You need more practice.
Dan: more practice? MORE PRACTICE? ur saying i cant shove a bunch of jews down a chamber and turn on the gas? what do you take me for you big red lump of evilness...
Stu: Oh now Lucifer! I overestimated you! How can you be so light hearted? When you kill the Jewish you need to do it propperly! They don't die from a simple gassing! No my son, it takes more! It takes PENCIL'S! No, i don't care what you say Lucifer my son, you are killing either Germans, English or Americans. I Beleive you are ready for the J.I. Joe yanks, but not the Jews. NOW OFF! BEGONE! I must study on the next war to make! I'm thinking of the Japanese and Africans, with the Americans getting involved again.....
Dan: africans wuld b good... mwaha, they never get involved in ne wars coz theyr too poor
Stu: Yes they are! That was my choice! I felt like some black meat for dinner, as it is nicely strong and well cooked by Cheif Chef Hitler, if you didn't mind, my son, or would you rather the yellow meat? With that dusguisting colour of red, making green.
Dan: well... i have something to tell you father. i am not won of ur minions... no! i am a spy sent down from God himself. yes, the real God, not you... He told me to say he wants his sticker back!...
Stu: A SPY??? GOOD GOD! What is this underworld coming to??? My OWN SON would rather JEW'S over GERMANS and now it turns out he is a SPY???? This is outrageous, here, have your sticker Lucifer, may i correct myself, JEHOVAH'S SON, you are a fake and shall now and forever be damned to heaven by I, Satan himself! and NEVER, no matter how bad be your crime, shall you enter Hell again, unless you prove your worth.....
Dan: lol... umm well... *pulls down ur pants and runs away widely*
Dan: enough said.
Dan: =)

Yeah, he won the arguement with that remark, but we shall dual again!

Yours truely, and in accordance with the prophecy, along with the glow in the dark condom,
The guy who hasn't had sex in 6 FUCKING WEEKS.
Stuart.

Now, as many friends of mine have heard, and close friends of mine no doubt know, i have my rules of life. NOW. It started off with three, but has esculated into 46.
The first three are the main ones, the rest are branch off's.
So read and enjoy, i think you'll have a good laugh.
Any questions about phrases you don't understant note me and i'll put a note in there. Lub yas all.

1. NO FUCKING DRUGS
2. Don’t fall in love; it’ll only turn to shit
3. No expectations, no disappointments
4. No needles
5. No pills
6. No rocks
7. Never snort
8. Don’t forgive quickly
9. Forgive after a while
10. Always remember you never get what you want
11. Aim high, shoot low
12. Always care unless there’s a reason not to
13. Like someone first, hate them later
14. Try not to do strangers
15. Try not to do oldies
16. Try not to do exchange’s [Exchanges mean like, well, guh. Ok, once i walked outside past a male strip club on hinley street and a woman offered me $500 to have sex with me, and tempting though it was, i vowed never to do it. I just can't, selling sex, its's wrong =\]
17. Try not to do youngsters
18. Try not to do it without contraception
19. Don’t get her pregnant
20. Don’t do guys yet
21. Never make the first move
22. If they go for it, return the favor
23. ALWAYS make the second move
24. Unless she’s not worth it
25. Once done, talk about it
26. Once done, don’t do again
27. Unless you’re going out with her?
28. But if she’s a virgin
29. Over 16, ready for it
30. Don’t steal virginity
31. YouKnowWho, don’t even think about her [In my speach, it means not to have sex with the girl you like more than you should]
32. Always say sorry
33. Never accept apology
34. It’s always your fault
35. Never theirs
36. Don’t accept, exempting sex
37. Always reject, never sex
38. Just remember no. 18 when doing all of the above
39. Last thing you want to do is get your girlfriend pregnant
40. No, second to last being above, last is a stranger
41. If suicide is an option, don’t tell anyone
42. There’s Depressed and there’s “Depressed”, don’t become “Depressed”
43. Don’t depend on meds
44. Always depend on women
45. But when doing 44, always remember number 2
46. If number 2 is broken, ALWAYS remember number 3

Hahaha Daniel Bell is a funny bastard.....[samwise11]....:
Daniel: ello ello
Me: bapflapdippitydoo
Daniel: a lil freaky, but alrite
Daniel: will u marry me?
Me: mmmmm
Me: ok
Me: BUT
Me: you'll hafta get a sex change?
Daniel: ...no. u hav a sex change
Me: no!
Daniel: =O
Daniel: im sorry then. i dont think it can ever work
Me: ok =)
Daniel: well... now i guess all that is left to hav break up sex...
Daniel: make it quick *bends over*
Me: =|
Me: kk
Me: *zip flop flap whip zip*
Daniel: =|
Daniel: u call that break up sex?!
Daniel: my last boyfriend was better then u!
Me: WHAT?
Me: ur just saying that cause we're hypothetically breaking up! ok then, you're STRAIT!!!!!!!!
Daniel: =O NOOO! UR LYING!
Daniel: ha, i once saw a shirt that said "I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is"... And then i told my girlfriend to take it off!

Jöìñ mÿ §hít mõôÐ? P£éá§è Ðó

Piss me off and you die. And if you persist i will be happy to rip ur balls, if you're a female and don't have balls then i'll happily rip your tits off, i will then proceed to boil them in a bath and force feed it / them to you through a tube, but only after i've liquified them . it with my own piss. Yes, i know, i'm a disgusting psycho, thats part of the reason, actually just a small bit of the reason i'm pissed off. So are you going to ask why i'm pissed off? you'd better not cause if you do i''ll happily tell you what i'll do to you if you do ask, actually no, i won't tell you because then i'll be all talk no play, i'll play but not talk, i'll just do it to you and you can happily find out for yourself how painfuil i can be.
OK you've obviously decided to read on and i havn't killed you, meaning you will soon be happy, but lifes a bitch, we all know it, and you don't know how hard it is to kill yourself do you? Many of us think we are depressed enough to kill ourselves, but when it comes to the crunch we're all too pussy. Even i am really. I've tried before but i wasn't in this state of mind was i? i was fucked up in the head, moreso than now if thats possible, and jumped, but fuck you, i survived, sometimes we who do survive are happy to but most of the time we're not. So fuck you. We're all to pussy to go through with it because we really don't know what comes after. We're all to scared. Many of us don't beleive in god and many of us do, but we all have that doubt. What if god doesn't exist? What if he does? What'll happen afterwards if i'm wrong about what i think? We're all guttless pussies with no fucking lives. The real depressed ones, the ones who actually deserve to have their friends slave over them trying to make them feel better, are the one's who've done it, are in the fucking ground 6 feet under or in ashes. But fuck you, you can't, so the second in line are the ones who honestly try it but don't succeed, but those ones you never know about do you? No. All the ones who get the attention are the ones who want it. The ones who pretend to be depressed, or pretend to be worse than they really are. Fucking ass licking shit faces don't know what they've got themselves into. The ones like us who've honestly tried it and seriously would do again are the ones who need help. But no, you ignore us. So fuck off.

OK, here's a little convo i just had on MSN with high highness ermis.....

Ermis: helllllo?
Me: good day little one
Ermis: took you long enuf
Ermis: lol
Me: stuart is available right now bu the will only talk if you are worth it, you have three messages to tell stuart why you are worth it
Me: start after the beep
Me: *BEEEEEEEEP*
Ermis: lol
Ermis: I'm Ermis. I'm sexy. You love me.
Me: message one received
Me: message two received
Me: if this is your final message please press 1 then enter
Ermis: 1
Me: please wait while your messages are being proccessed
Ermis: ....
Me: your message contained the word/name "Ermis", sorry, you are denied
Ermis: hahahaha


Well fuck you, i think it's humerous!

My oh my oh my I'm very bappily fucked off right now.
Let me get it all out
FUCKING BAPPITY FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS WITH NO LIFE COCK MUNCHING SHIT KICKERS WITH NO LIFE CAN'T BE FUCKING FUCK FUCK SHIT FACED ASSHOLE FUCKING FERIL CUNT CRAP DAMN GODDAMNIT JESUS WAS A NUN FUCK YOU YOU MOTHER FUCKING CUNT OF A BASTARD STOP FUCKING WITH MY HEAD
NOW

Whats wrong you ask?
Well i ain't updated the situation on Ebonee for a while, but.
BAP
or updatedon court
but FUCK YOU so yeah
ANYWAY
Ummm I've seen a bit of Ebb lately, more than i should I guess, but Thursday we bludged together, just the two of us and we went down to Glenelg beach, stuffed around a bi then went played pool.
I got my ass kicked at pool, then we went and saw the movie Ray, good movie that, but anyway, yah i kished her, only a couple of times! She's so addictive lol.
Nehoo, the night before that Ermis had "Asked her his thoughts" and I dun wanna say what she said, so all I'll say is she told him to 'back off a bit' so to speak. Just like, not cuddle her so much and yah.
Well a li'l while ago I'd sms'd her saying that we 'needed a little talk' and i got her really worked up, then when we went off for walk to talk i wasn't in the mood and we didn't talk. She later asked what i wanted to say on msn and so i said it all in a single message, so i wouldn't be the pussy i am at expressing my feelings and back out halfway thru, but here's wat i said to her:
"thing is stu like ebb as a friend an ebb is a great friend but stu also like ebb more than he should, like not as a friend, bleh he's a pussy and screwed in the head and stu really wuld like 2 b wit ebb but he dun wanna say nething cause he knows ebb wudn' wanna b with stu (well in dat way) an so he shouldn't say nething an dun wanna say anythin but he also do wanna say sumthing and it sorta hurts stu to see elmo huggling her when he wants to and when elmo kishes ebb behind stu's back and stu had enough respect for elmo that when elmo liked gabby and stu did too stu backed off and let elmo 'do his stuff', in elmo's words, but when stu went away he said to elmo not to fall for ebb cause he liked her but elmo was enough of a cunt (mind my language but he really can be one) to do what he does and he knows it makes stu sad and angry and stu usually would be able to ignore it but he's also got court in hospitable and his sister is sick AGAIN and his mum is getting better but it's hard and stu's fucked up in the head and can't take it all an stu is happed to just be friends and bleh he sucks.
so yah, forget everything u just read:)"

Hahaha, I'm a cock.
But after that the convo went like so (I've taken it out of the chat log but edited out parts of the convo where we were talkin bout ermis)

Me: read and forget:)
   *feels stupid now so BAP*
Ebb: dont b feelin stupid!!
Me: bap?
Ebb: its gd that u tell me how u feel....coz ive noticed...ur nt to gd at it....well...somtimes....oh i dont no
Me: lol
   confuzled? me too:D
Ebb: lol
    gd we're on the sam wave length then
Me: well yah, read it a couple of times and u'll understand
Ebb: im sorry that how u felt....
Me: bah well yah, i wanted to say sumthing but i didn't cause i'm a pussy and dun feel sorry 'tis ok
   stu's problem just he sorta wanted to talk 2 ebb bout it
  hehe looks like ebb got no reply to stu's ramblins / litle talk!:P
Ebb: errr ebbs nt really sure wat to say except that ebb is 'friends' with both stu n ermis
    n thats all for now......
Me: lmao
   stu thought as much:)
   okidoki!:)

And yah, thats how it went

Now in other news today, Courtney.
Well, i lost the bet and now i have no pubes. It's itchy as hell damnit! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
but anyway
today i went to the hospitable to see her cause she was having a checkup and according to the doctor "There's only about a 70/30 chance we got it, it's high but we still need to do one more test" and THAT is what i'm angry about.
Goodbye now, before i start crying again while typing a diary entry
<3

Wow, kids are funny ones.
As some of you don't know, I look after an 8 month old girl called Mary-Ellen, yeah shutup bout the name.
She's my Ex-Girlfriends little sister, and they don't have a dad so i help look after m-e.
Now their dad was a real abusive c*nt (sorry to use that language, usually i don't say the C word, or type it, but he was). He was a serious drunk, beat up on his wife and Daughter and in the end killed himself, sorry to say it, but he deserved to die. He gassed himself, like in a car yeh know? Yah, ANYWAY, getting on....

So i lok after m-e whenever Amy (ex-g/f) and Liz (her mum) are a bit tired. Usually ends up being about 5 or 6 times a week, but i love it so it's not that bad.
Now Mary-Ellen is about 8 or 9 months old (just gone nine i think) and she is friken amazing. She can't talk, she just sorta groans when she wants something, but she can sort of walk, almost, hard to explain but yeah.

Last night i was taking care of her and my sister came home. Now my sisters a nanny, she turned 20 on saturday, but she looks after kids all day and night, and she brings them home sometimes.
Well she decided to bring this one little shit back called Damien (name explains it all ei?). Lol. Well Damien is about 6 and really knows how to stir up trouble, i've had him around before with my sis, and she's also nearly quit cause of him a couple of times.

Now like i said, he's a real shit stirrer, he can make the worst situation out of anything. Like one time he thought it'd be a great idea to feed the turtle some eggs, so he dropped them, uncracked into the tank. This would of been ok, but they were Emu eggs (my mum's a nutter) and it was a baby turtle. THat was the end of that. So yeash, he's a turd!

But this particular day he decided to really make it hard on me. He decided to let m-e out of her crib and take her outside. He then proceded to fill her nappie with sand, fill the sandpit with water and see what would happen. Yeah, like i said, he's a turd.

It wasn't pretty. I thought my sister was taking care of them, she thought i was watching them while she was in the shower. Woops.

Yes, well i walked outside when i heard all this screaming and you wouldn't beleive it, i saw Damnien ontop of m-e hitting her. I wasn't happy, i immediatly picked him up by the scruff of his neck and threw him back, then picked up m-e and tried to calm her down. After it was all over and my sister was ok, i asked him what happened. The conversation was as follows:

Dam: I was beating her up!
Me: WHY THE HELL YOU DO THAT???
Dam: SHE HIT ME IN THE FACE!!!
Me: WHAT??? Why!?!?
Dam: Well Mary was screaming so i put sand in her mouth to shut the little bitch up!
Sian (sister): Don't use that language!!!!! And why was she screaming???
Dam: Because I filled the sand pit up with water
Me: What the hell? Why do that?
Dam: Well, Mary had sand in her nappie so i wanted to wash it out
Me: And how did the sand get into her nappie???
Dam: Well i put it there!
Me: What do you mean you put it there?
Sian: What do you think? He put it there!
Currently m-e is sitting in my lap happily playing with the buttons on my school shirt and glaring at Damien
Dam: Yeah i put it there!
Me: And why was that Damien? *raises eyebrow*
Dam: Well she was wet, i heard sand soaks up water!
Sian laughs heartily and can't stop
Me: (still angry) So......M-e's nappie was wet so you took her outside and put sand in there, then you filled up the sandpit with water to clean it out, she then started to scream so you put sand in her mouth to shut her up and she hit you?
Dam: Yup!
Me: Where'd she hit you?
Dam: (pointing at crutch) there, in my private parts!
At this stage my sister burst out laughing and I'm patting m-e on the head and saying "Good mary! You get him!"
Meanwhile Damien is sitting across the table and glaring at m-e
Dam: Why don't i get that for hitting her?
Me: Cause you deserved it!
Dam: and she didn't?
Me: YES!
Dam: Oh......
Dam then walked off, sat in the sian's car and waited. My sister went out and says to him "Whatcha doin Dam?"
Dam: I was just trying to help!
Sian: We know, it's ok
Dam: Then why'd Sdu (thats what he calls me =S) hurt me?
Sian: Because you were hurting mary, he's very protective over her, he loves her lots
Dam: Oh, ok.....
Damien then got up, ignoring my sister asking what he was doing, and came back inside. He then came up to me, hugged me at the legs (thats his height) then went up to m-e, hugged her and goes "Sdu, Mary, sorry i hurt you"

Next thing i know, mary walks off with Damien and starts playing in the sand pit.
Kids. Weird minds =S

Haha, another slutty night on my part, I spent the night at, ummm, a females house, the people who know me from school will know who it was *cough*cough* and ANYWAY I didn't get laid! But I got with her about 5 times last night, and we were SOBER! Lol.
Now, I won't say who, but I can say what happened.
I went to her house, and I met her little sister and little brother, her sis is like, 11 and her bro’s like, just over 2.
I luv kids, until they can talk, but this one was actually alright, he seemed pretty cool and easy to deal with.
Anyway, we talked and watched TV in her room until about 10, and then her sister and brother went to bed. Her mum was in the lounge room and I just kissed her and she went down on me, very nicely too, OMG she’s a good kisser, anyway, moving on….
Her mum walked in and we stopped, and she told me I had to sleep in the lounge in the swag and that glen, her mum's b/f, would be there soon.
So her mum went to bed and we just like watched Super Troopers and American Pie 3 the wedding and every now and then just started again lol!
I swear I only saw 1/3rd of the movies lol.
Anyway, we made out a fair bit until her mum's b/f came home, so I stopped and got in the swag, and that was like, 3am and her li'l sis came out at about 7:30, woke me up and annoyed me so I went bak into her bed
Then we made out AGAIN, sorry to say, a couple of times, and she made a vague attempt to sleep. We could hear her li’l bro outside but I don’t think it mattered to her, put me of a bit but meh, can’t be perfect! After a while her mum got up, and her mum came in the room while I had my hand, ummm, down the front or her pants *cough*cough*, but luckily enough it was under the covers, but we had to get up damnit!
NEhoo, I met Glen, her mum’s b/f and he was……weird, scary, made me all paranoid lol.
And her mum’s actually pretty cool, but I had to go to town to meet Emma at 1:30 so I rang my mum and she picked me up, I felt bad for leaving her so abruptly in the morning but I couldn’t cancel on Em, I haven’t seen her in a long time!
Well, I should finish up, go away and eat some pie.
Night all, sleep well, smoke weed and fly away in a bubble!

I'm worried, very worried, confused as well, but more than anything I’ve stopped caring, getting depressed again and cutting again, pfft if you don’t like it, piss off.

Now I’m sitting here drinking myAlcaholic Home Brewed Ginger Beer and wondering how long it will take for it all to end.

I’m in a real fucked up position, and I mean real fucked up.

Now I don’t want to destroy her trust but not like anyone we know who cares is going to read this, so who gives a fuck? The ones i do know that'll read this are Vera, Jess and Madz. Now Vera prolly couldn't give a shit, although she cares, Jess is a cool donkey who will prolly tell everyone and I've just stopped caring and Madz doesn't even go to our school, so i love you all =)

Friday before last this girl I met and like a lot took me to a party, and yes, me being the slut I am, got with her.
Now we met some guys on the beach and while I was getting with Ebb one of them starting touching her up, I looked down and said “What’s he doing?” then she giggled and replied “Mind your own business” and pulled my head back to hers and kept kissing me. After a while I felt him going at it and was like “OK, WTF???” and was a little bit to drunk to care, but I still didn’t like it.

Yeah, I’m not the person for threesomes or for anything like that, I really don’t like them actually, but I didn’t want to get up and walk off, or tell them to stop, so I kept going.

Then I realized, shit, is this guy wearing a condom? So I asked Ebb and she said she didn’t know, so I turned around and asked the guy and he was like “I dunno can’t remember”

So I asked Ebb, “Do you want him to stop?” and she said yes, so I turned around and told him to, he said he was “all good” so I kicked him in the head and told him to fuck off, and he did, on our friend who had fallen asleep a couple of minutes earlier about 20 feet from us.

Fucking Wanker.

Anyway, so we were ok, found our mates and went back, finished the night and it was all good.

Now, day after I left for Avalon, Victoria, for the air show that my dad’s aircraft was featured in and we got free week long VIP Gold passes to. I managed to somehow get with a Canadian in that time, on St. Patrick’s night, and have a great time, we’re now good friends.

Now during this time, while I was away, Ermis, a good friend of mine, managed to get with Ebb and fuck me over.
I’m not mad, she’s not my girlfriend, well not properly, but I am a bit agitated, cause I like her heaps, more then I should I guess, and Elmo does too, again to much. At least he had the respect and courtesy to say to me “If I asked Ebonee out would you be pissed?”

Well, I didn’t want him to, but I didn’t wanna sound like more of a dick than I am, so I said that I would be a bit annoyed but it’s not my business who they go out with. Then he decided not to, but he’s still all over her.

DAMNIT! She used to be mine, I used to hug her all lunch and recess and kiss her and touch her and let her know I loved her and she loved it, but not now, there’s two of us, too similar, way to similar.

But also, another thing is that Courtney was a bit sick. Now for those of you that don’t know, Courtney is a great friend of mine; she once told me that aside from me, she’s only had sex with 2 other people, and only about 4 other times. Wow.

But she told me the other morning, she has Cervix Cancer, she’s already frozen some eggs and was in hospital today. I went to see her, she seemed ok, but I’m not sure. I know it’s from having sex and someone’s cock hitting her cervix, and we both know it’s probably me, but we’re both to nice to say it to each other.

I’ve offered to pay for half of her operation to remove her Cervix and Ovaries but she refused. I AM blaming myself, and fuck you if you don’t like it.
I have all these wankers telling me to be happy, don’t worry, don’t get depressed ra-ra-ra, well fuck you too, I WANT to be sad, I WANT to be depressed, I want to fucking grieve over it and just let her know I love her. But it’s to hard with these dicks.

Well that’s all I have to say, so screw you and please leave a note, I need help, men in white coats coming this way damnit!

Hahaha i just got home and JESUS i'm in the shit now!
Lol, we were in Media and i got bored so i blew up a condom and we were throwing it round everywhere playing some sorta volleyball game hehehe.
Then, Beccie lay on my lap so i cuddled her and the teacher told me off, so i let go, but she stayed there and i kept hugging her, then bout 5mins later the techer to me not to so i stopped and she sat up.
Then bout another 5 mins later Gabbie, who's sitting on the other side of me, lay on my lap so i huggled her, i luvs her, she's the gwoociest, but NEhoo, the teacher saw and went mental and sent me out.
Then you know what he did? Called me in after class, showed me the condom, put it in an envelope and showed me what he wrote on the envelope. It went something like this.....:
"Mr. LeCornue {the subschool head},
Stuart was messing around inappropriately in class.
He blew up a condom and was throwing it around, had his hand around girls and was disturbing the whole class.
They do not find his entics funny and they are distracting to both them and myself.
The condom is enclosed in the envelope and I suggest he be suspended and any further trouble and he will be removed from this class."

ra-ra-ra FUCKYOU!
I wasn't "putting my arms around girls" i was showing my affection for them, hell, at least I'm not hitting on other guys in the class, then I'd REALLY be in the shit lol =D