ET: Member blog

[Sedition]'s diary

839713 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2006-08-17
Written: (6673 days ago)

minimum physical requirements for the united states marine corps:
3 pull ups
1.5 mile run in under 13 minutes and 30 seconds
44 sit ups in under 2 minutes.

accomplished requirements:
1.5 miles in 13 minutes and 26 seconds.
44 sit ups in under a minute.
have yet to attempt the pull ups (need somewhere to do so.)

so far im meeting the requirements.i did the 1.5 mile run just now,starting at 5:18 and finishing at 5:31,narrowly acheiving the required time.as for the sit ups i do those earlier tonight,clocking in at 45 sit ups in under 50 seconds.to get ready for the pull ups ive started doing push up warm up sessions,doing 15 push ups in under 30 seconds ever other hour.i just started the push up regiment at around 10 pm,so,so far ive done only about 45 push ups,missing two chances to try and catch some sleep this morning.ive failed to catch any sleep so i decided to see if i was up to the running requirment.i didnt think i would make it,and usually i cant run for shit;but something just kept me going and didnt let me get exhuasted,its hard to explain;its like this swelling and incomprehinsible sense of willpower,i was literally shouting in my mind and muttering under my breath (as to not wake the neighborhood) "God damnit,feet you will not fail me now,i will not run out of breath,by my honor i declare i WILL be a marine!and no lousy run is gonna stop me!" Well apparently it worked,i made the run with few seconds to spare,narrowly making it on the last 30 seconds by some crazy miracle of pushing my body into a sprint despite my exhuastion and the aching in my legs.

I've never sweat so much in my life,but i feel wonderfull,better then ive ever felt before.its a strange feeling,im exhuasted yet not tired,like i want to keep going,to keep pushing my body to its limit and past that limit.when i was running and reaching the one mile point my heart was beating so loud i could hear it over the sound of my panting,the blood pumping faster and faster through my veins and urging me to keep going while at the same time wanting me to just pass out.I wasnt about to give up,all i could think about is my mother giving me an "i told you so" look.she doesent think i can do it,and now she has given me the motivation to become something greater then ive ever accomplished before.With today's routines finished im no longer worried about boot camp,today i feel like there is no obstacle i cant over come.except tj's roof.that thing is fucking impossible to climb.

anyway im gonna start recording in my ET diary my progress physiclly and mentally wise as i prepare for my potential leave for boot camp.ive made up my mind now and i know what i want to do.friends,im gonna become a marine.

839429 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-08-16
Written: (6674 days ago)

I haved talked with my recruiter,and now i have 3 days to come up with my decision on weither or not to join the marines.so far its looking like im joining.

838804 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2006-08-15
Written: (6675 days ago)

Next in thread: 839610

IF you get more than 30 you're paranoid.
If you get 10 or less you're fearless.
People who don't have any are dummies who want people to think they are tough stuff.

I Fear...

[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces or closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] black cats
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ]spiders, ticks and/or other insects
[ ]driving or being in cars
[ ] flying
[ ] flowers or other plants
[x] being touched
[x] fire
[x] deep water
[x] just the jelly fish and other lurkers of the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] mice/rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] cotton balls
[ ] cemeteries
[ ] clowns
[ ] large crowds
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] diseases
[ ] snakes
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] poverty
[ ] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[ ] being blind
[ ] being deaf
[ ] being old
[ ] monsters under my bed
[ ] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs

-9-

838644 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2006-08-14
Written: (6675 days ago)

Next in thread: 838744

I enrolled in a school called full sail for my game developers bachelor degree,the total cost of the course is 61,000 dollars and im currently in a bit of a bind trying to pay for it.im moving out to orlando on my own to start on september 25th and i still havent figured out how to pay living expenses plus 6,000+ dollars a month for tuition.Well today i had an interveiw with a marine recruiter that offered that i join the reserve and delay college for a few months while i train.once out of training i can attend school regularly and have all expenses paid off by the marines.it seems like a simple enough choice but ive already paid for enrollment and what not and im not sure how much more it will cost to delay the start date,plus i have pressure from the family to consider.any advice?

838312 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2006-08-14
Written: (6676 days ago)

3 days without sleep so far x_x; refer to the video in my previuos entry.with the events of today and the huge lack of energy that accuratly depicts me

838097 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-08-13
Written: (6676 days ago)

Next in thread: 838099

I have made now 3 attempts to sleep,my third one just failed becuase the phone kept fucking ringing every 5 seconds!!!!holy fuck im going insane not so much becuase im tired but becuase all the failed attempts at sleep!!

Me right now trying to sleep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwuS_VACBvQ&mode=related&search=

835201 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-08-06
Written: (6683 days ago)

Next in thread: 835207

http://youtube.com/watch?v=y0Jc6q5bdZw&;search=portal%20trailer

835081 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-08-06
Written: (6684 days ago)

Jacking this from coppie out of boredom

Part 1: The Birth of You

Were you a planned baby?:No

Were you the first?:Yes

Were your parents married when you were born?:No

What is your birthdate?:07/09/1988

Part 2: The Family

How would you describe your family?:Deceptive.

Are your parents married, divorced or separated?:Divorced

Siblings or an only child?: Siblings.:2

If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:Oldest

What are your siblings names?:Malik and Jareld

Which parent do you get along with best?:Neither

Do you have step parents?:I use to.

Part 3: The Friends

Do you have more than one best friend?:Hard to tell anymore,i come and go like the wind,as do my friendships.but i guess for now i do have one comrade.

Who are your good friends?: Drake,Daniel,Sophia,Becca,and Scarlet.

What do you like to do when you are together?:I hardly get any time around friends anymore.i guess hang out and savor having free time.

Do you share the same interests?:Usually

Which friend can you tell anything to?:All of them.My friends and I share a bond of trust that only is given to those that have earned my respect and liking.

Part 4: Your Personality

How high/low is your self esteem?:Average i suppose

Do you get depressed about things easily?:No,trials are a part of life.i used to let it weigh me down,but im trying to put that train of thought behind me.

Are you happy?:Nah,I'm in a nuetral mood

Do you live life to the fullest?:Not yet.

Part 5: Appearance

Are you comfortable with the way you look?:I could be in better shape,other then that,im fine with my appearance.

Do you have any piercings besides your ears?:No

How do you dress?:In combat B.D.Us or a simple black shirt and blue jeans.i also wear finger-less gloves.

Part 6: The Past

Were you a strange child?:More or less,im strange as is.

What did you use to love that you no longer do?:Enjoy nature.

Do you have the same friends?:As stated earlier,i come and go across many lands,and thus go through constant transitions of environments and friends.

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?:Many,many things.

Part 7: The Future

Are you scared of growing old?:I accepted my fate long ago,should i live to older age i shall concider my self both lucky and unfortunate for many reasons.

Do you want to get married?:I'm more of a loner.

Part 8: The Outdoors

Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?:I love both,but due to my recent life style ive been stuck indoors for the last few years.

What is your favorite season?:Winter

Favorite weather?:Dark clouds and Rain,a very serene scene

Do you like walking in the rain?:Yes

Part 9: Food

Are you a vegetarian?:aha,no.

What is your favorite food?:Steak and scalloped potatoes with rice and gravy.

What food makes you want to gag?:Squash,fish,and salad

What is your favorite dessert?:Choclate cake,strawberry cheesecake,and ice cream.

What is your favorite restaurant?:too broke to know

Are you a fussy eater?:no

Part 10: Relationships and Love

Are you single or taken?:Currently in a conflicting situation of the two.

If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?:Emylee

Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:Heck no,it is one of the worst human emotions out there,a black hole of both pleasure and pain yanking your sanity until the chain breaks.

Do you believe in love at first sight?:No

835077 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-08-06
Written: (6684 days ago)

There's.a.hole.in.the.sky;from.which.things.can.fly.

834597 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2006-08-04
Written: (6685 days ago)

http://www.steampowered.com/index.php?area=roFreeWeekend

you.download.NOW!!!!BASK IN THE GLORY!!!

833752 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-08-02
Written: (6687 days ago)

a remix of the other video using deleted scenes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-VDDxZmhzI

833406 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-08-02
Written: (6688 days ago)

got a new video up,unlike the test one done over a week ago this one is meant as an actual project which requires comments and criticism.

enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvHKh5eAxlY

830888 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2006-07-27
Written: (6693 days ago)

ATTENTION!
I am currently looking for a room mate to move with into Orlando,particurly around the winter park area,within walking/biking/driving distance to My college,Full sail.If you or someone you know lives in that area or is moving into that area and looking for a room mate,please contact me by message,or phone me at 904-535-9906.

thank you for any help given,
Alex

830423 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-07-26
Written: (6694 days ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wGgoIKGLgQ

Please take a look and comment,its me experimenting with recording and editing software and one of my favorite games Battlefield 2.not really meant to entertain,just to make sure i can get stuff to work

830153 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-07-26
Written: (6695 days ago)

It's 2 am and i have been trying to sleep for 2 hours now..but i cant..random thoughts of different places and people,who i am,who i was,and who i will be flood my mind and keep me awake.rolling side to side in my bed and closing my eyes as tight i can these day dreams only get louder as they scream into my head and drill into my subconciuos slowly driving me mad.

I'm so tired....so incredibly tired...and no matter how much i sleep it is never enough...every passing day i slip a little more into that black hole in the back of my mind full of lost hopes and dreams,confusion,happiness,sorrow,and whatever maruading thoughts and feelings slip away from my conciuos mind.The voices in my head don't speak to me anymore...even they left me...there was i time i talked back to them and listened to their words of wisdom that told me about love,friendship,humanity and the universe..but they are gone now..and im slowly slipping into this darkness..this..void..from not even my loudest screams for help can escape...

There is this dream...Were im standing in a feild..maybe a slight bit older then i am..I just stand there smiling under the sun and luaghing,as if i dont have a care in the world..then i grow slightly older..maybe between my 30's and 50's...i stand infront of a large white house standing on a cliff looming over a rocky beach..All i can do is stare off into the peaceful cloudy dark evening sky and listen to the sound of the ocean,and i couldnt feel any more peacefull..then i grow older...much older..as if im nearing my end...and i am an old man...on my knees in a damp cold and dark room...and i cant stop crying..hell if i know why i am crying,or why i cant stop..but there is this uncontrollage surge of sorrow in my mind thats so horrible i cant stop crying and screaming and balling no matter how hard i try...then..i slowly slip into black,and i wake up...and try to go back to sleep only to be stuck awake for a few more hours before i pass out and let the dream restart...

It has been like that for a very long time now...the same dream or odd variations of it amongst many other visions of gritty dark clouded cities and raining,being alone fighting with myself and some unknown force,crying uncontrollably for no reason and stricken into weakness with my own sorrow..and then...i dream of an open grassy feild that stretches for miles and miles across grassy hills..or being on the beach cliff...those dreams i am in a weird state of calm and what i can only call psuedo happiness...

I dont know what it all means..and i wish it would all go away...all i know..is that im tired...god am i so tired...but sometimes i wonder....if i ever woke up...

829123 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2006-07-24
Written: (6697 days ago)

Man,i need a drink...or 5...or 10...life's a bitch ya know?dont take your time in highschool for granted,enjoy it all to hell,the real world brings you a little more freedom,but you quickly lose it again when your bogged down by a social system based around the almighty dollar,long gone are the days of adventure,discovery,and all other things that make you feel alive.as you slip into your business suit and go into another day of typing away in a cubicle it will hit you eventually that this is all bullshit,humans werent meant to deal with this crap,however due to our natural urge to live a life of comfort we are compelled to continue this afront to nature,to sit here and satisfy our greed with the life of a sloth,our only animation being to slave over little coins and sheets of paper to buy more crap to keep the cycle going.

there is no way to end it,no way to break free,take head,for you are all doomed to an eternity of disappointments,broken dreams and hearts,and having the life drained out of you with repetitive meaningless work.sure,there are the lucky ones with "dream jobs" or rich people,but deep down,they feel it to.its not even legal anymore to be human,we are all forced by society into these cramped homes,were we slowly evolve to be accustomed to being in cages built with our own hands,sustaining a life of consenstual slavery for our own survival and self gratitude.Gone are our days when nature provided for us and we provided for nature,gone are the days were a man could be a man and make up his own mind on what he wanted to do,day in and day out,and live with the consequences of his actions knowing that he indeed made that decision without influence.gone are the days of freedom,replaced with tv,soap operas,oil,guns,and machines all built by ourselves to turn us into our own slaves,a perpetual circle made completly of our own inept desire for comfort through uncomfort.

why do i write all this?i dont know,maybe i had one of those lapses,the ones everyone gets,were for a split second,we get a taste of what it is like to be a human again.for thousands of years its slowly been repressed into non-existance except for that glimmer of a second were we can feel total bliss and true happiness in our own sunny feild in our mind,a vast land were we make our own destinies and every day is a new adventure.but then you wake up,and you realize every day is the same routine,there are no feilds,just wirling roads that lead you to your worthless task to continue the cycle and ensure the schedule of the next day.fight against the system and die,live with the system and your not much more alive anyway.

the point of this all is for you folks getting ready to hit the real world,those who are already here,and those far away from it.learn this truth soon,and maybe it wont hurt as much when you actually arive...

828430 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-07-22
Written: (6698 days ago)

well guys,i got the job!i now work as a representative salesman of knives and other cuttery tools for hunting,sporting,cooking,and gardening

828260 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-07-22
Written: (6699 days ago)

dear god,its 10:51 and im getting ready for that interview at 12.I HATE WEARING BUSINESS CLOTHES!!!they are so friggin tight and uncomfortable,i nicknamed it the gorilla suit.its a real pain to wear and in this heat it's fucking unbareable.i believe this is some means of suppression used to sap the humanity out of office workers such as myself to keep them dull and lifeless while in business clothing.I can hardly breath,the waistband of these pants and cutting in my skin,and this over shirt is choking my neck.ironiclly its loose fitting in all the places it doesnt matter,but tight as hell in the places it -does- matter.ugh,anyway,wish me luck,gotta get going.

827802 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2006-07-21
Written: (6699 days ago)

a friend of mine got me a job interview for tomorrow,good pay,doing sales and such.most importantly they have offices in orlando which is a must for when i move out of the house in september.wish me luck guys,this one is pretty important.

824964 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2006-07-16
Written: (6705 days ago)

永久に || Anti-Freeze. says:
....btw, yes I actually asked becca "do you get tigers in Flordia?"
永久に || Anti-Freeze. says:
I was very tired.
Shadow says:
XD!!
永久に || Anti-Freeze. says:
very..very...tired..
Shadow says:
we dont get tigers,we get ligers
永久に || Anti-Freeze. says:
ooo
永久に || Anti-Freeze. says:
wait
永久に || Anti-Freeze. says:
-kicks-
Shadow says:
XD

824901 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2006-07-15
Written: (6705 days ago)

i told you guys something was up with disney!
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=adc2b3bd88eb656d3fcf8b70bb08029b.519384&vdone=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.yahoo.com%2Fvideo%2Fhome.php%3Fei%3DUTF-8%26p%3D&vback=featured%20videos

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