well once again i cant get any damn sleep.its currently 7 am and my nasty habit to think to much while in bed has kept me up once more.

You see,i am plagued with a high sense of regret,anger,sadness, and many other feelings at night,becuase it is a quiet and personal time were i can reflect on myself and others,and the events of days past.I suppose i should shed some light on why this always makes me so upset,but im a tad tired and lazy to make a large list,so i will just scrape the top a bit.

here are a few regrets that drive me absolutely nuts every night:
-Lost out on a once in a lifetime summer vacation to many countries in europe becuase i decided to keep my job here stateside.the day after i cancel my trip i lose my job becuase my coworker friend that drove me to work quit becuase he was lazy and didnt feel like working anymore,with no consideration to me what-so-ever.this makes me upset all the time becuase i had always promised myself to see the world.thats pretty much dashed now.
-My mother ruined my chance with the marines.we had a deal that i had 30 days to do what i needed to do to get out of the house and be self sufficient before she kicked me out.first she ruined an interview with my counselor which cost me 2 weeks in rescheduling.then on the last week she broke her promise and kicked me out anyway becuase i was still going for the marines and she doesnt like the military and wants me to do what she wants.I have never forgiven her for this and every night i toss and turn around in my bed pissed off to no end,wanting to just walk up to my mother and choke her to death for slaving me into doing what she wants.then she goes and gets mentally ill so i have to take care of her sorry ass.
-as i mentioned above,my mother became ill,im more pissed then worried,as she basiclly dumped her life onto me and now i take care of the house and my brothers.ive been 18 for only 3 months and now i run a life similar to a single parent.
-im stuck at home scraping together money doing menial jobs and going to an online college,not getting anywhere in life and living with my asshole mother.you have no clue how depressing it is to be stuck in square one all day everyday,watching everyone else that graduated from highschool move on with their lives while your stuck taking care of a family you dont really give two shits about becuase they backstabbed you and have done everything possible to make your life a living hell.
-im broke,thats seriuosly annoying.
-i get up at times like 7 am and type out bullshit on online diaries to pass the time becuase i have no one to talk to,and its the lonliest feeling in the world sometimes
-Im torn between two people i care about more then anything,and if i do anything about it i will probably lose both of them (no emylee,im not cheating on you,dont fucking scream at me about it later.this is personal bullshit ive been trying to resolve for 6 years,so dont get on my case about it)
-I have a temper problem,and a slowly resolving drinking problem.im getting over the drinking,but with no way to drown away my troubles anymore ive become quite finnicky and mean.
-I quite smoking about two months ago,and much like me quitting the drinking,my temper is a bit worse becuase of no way to temporarily run from my problems.
-Im a tad bit of a loser,the last person i dated that wasnt on the fucking internet was kim,and anyone that knows me personally knows that really didnt work out well.fucking younger women are annoying to no end sometimes.
-im broke,raggedy,unshaven,not very hansome even if i did shave,no car,no license,no job,ive got nothing to even reinforce the idea of being an adult besides my age.i hate living here,nay,being held HOSTAGE by my crazy fucking mother.she knows i need a place to stay while i do the necessary processing to join the military or get a DECENT job to be independent,so she threatens to kick me out whenever i make a decision she doesnt agree with.im a caged bird in many ways.
-my father is an asshole,he never calls,and never awnsers the phone,to hell with him.
-im so friggin lonely,that im purposely making this list long when i said i wouldnt,becuase i never have anyone to talk to but my cat and my computer.and neither talk back.
-i almost never hang out with my friends or even see the outside of my room,i eat here,sleep here,work here,play here.i only really leave my room to use the toilet,or get some food so i can eat it here in my room.fuck the family,i dont talk to them,we arent on friendly speaking terms,so i just stay in my room all day,waiting for someone to come online to talk to,or play world of warcraft,becuase i literally have no fucking life.
-i deal with this stupid fucking angst that makes me list why i cant sleep at night,i know its fucking stupid and childish,but i really dont give a fuck.it still annoys me though

I guess thats all i can think of right now,im gonna stalk the internet for something to do to pass the time,or take another crack at sleep,although its now 7:23 am

Ok,time for this week's movie lover trivia question.

What is the name of a movie that has been praised as a cult classic which involves an insane teenager who befriends a man in his imagination clad in a bunny suit?
A famous line from the movie is as follows:
boy:why are you wearing that ridiculous bunny suit?
man:...why are you wearing that riduclous man suit?


A badge will be given to the first person to guess the name of this movie.Only one guess per person is allowed.

***WINNER!!****
[drakkar] awnsered correctly with "Donnie Darko"
He will be sent his badge shortly.

11pm- Emylee goes offline,i hop on world of warcraft
9:18am- I finally get tired and get off of WoW,waving farewell to my friends.we had an awesome time roleplaying
There was Kastia,the human warlock,darn witch she is!(kept turning me into a frog whenever she got agitated with me)
then there was Aizen,the preist dwarf.powerfull guy,and i guess the sort of leader of our small group this morning
then there is Evonis,also a preist,she is a human though.I swear my pet gives her the biggest scare
Lastly there is myself,Couger,the humble hunter Dwarf,serving my friends with my trusty rifle and my giant pet attack spider named Crunch-bite(kudos to those that get the red vs blue reference).

We travelled to the land of the east,past the fringe colony of lakeshire to disband some Orcish bandits that had taken over a castle north of the city,however they were far more numerous then we had at first figured,so we had to retreated,barely making it out with our lives.Couger took it especially personal becuase the day before,during an investigation of horde military presence at a picket line beyond the north gate in dun morough went sour,and one of his friends was killed while the other two got lost,so he has an increased dislike of the orc kind.So he trains and prepares for a massive confrontation to the north gate to thwart the special operations taking place.





....Ya,geek-gasm baby.geek-gasm.

got world of warcraft today,havent picked a realm or character yet as patching takes like...forever.

You Are 65% American
Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

http://www.blogthings.com/howamericanareyouquiz/

well today is me mom's birthday,so i baked her a choclate cake.now the catch is ive never baked a cake before,so although it wasnt bad,its painfully apparent that this was my first time,a good chunk of the cake randomly fell off while i was icing it,so i spatula'ed it back into place and used icing like glue to keep it there >_> the bottom half of the cake is also a little bigger then the top half,which is now slightly slanted becuase of the broken off chunk,but hey,its the thought that counts right?.....right? ._.

theres been a major change of plans with the military,ive decided to go on delayed entry program and go to arizona for college.with this new development the rp project,which i have now given a codename of Project:Revolution;is now being taken OFF of hiatus.

please check the below entry for positions on the project.

Currently thinking up a new rp,PM me for info,or if you would like to take part in the project.

Edit:im now including a staff listing for the project,if you feel you have the time and the will to be a part of the development of this unique rp,please pm me concerning these positions:

Banner Artist:
Co-Designer:
Editor#1:
Editor#2:
Editor#3:
Advertisement:
randomy fanboy/girl:[light.]
Music Coordinator:
Photoshop artist:[Dreamseller]

More positions on the development team can be added apon request and need.

http://www.infidelguy.com/ftopic-22494-days0-orderasc-0.html
transcript and discussion of my debate with a nazi

I am Fallen_Heretic on the forum

http://dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/9/14/235444/282
"H.R. 2679, The "Christian Supremacy Act"

Our job is to reclaim America for Christ, whatever the cost. As the vice regents of God, we are to exercise godly dominion and influence over our neighborhoods, our schools, our government, our literature and arts, our sports arenas, our entertainment media, our news media, our scientific endeavors -- in short, over every aspect and institution of human society." - D. James Kennedy


yep,getting a gun folks.its crap like this that makes me seriuosly,truly,hate religion.

star wars got violent O_O (more then usual)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDUQYc_OeVg&mode=related&search=

^^^this picture is from the highway my bus drove on on its way to school everday.



September 11th,2001.Never forget,Never Surrender.

Well,i suppose i should let you guys know whats going on (as i may have crossed the line and snapped at a few of you).these last 3 days have been the most trying in my life.ever.

It started for a multitude of reasons,basiclly my mom,who is a total control freak,went haywire when i decided i wanted to join the marines.she was oh so shocked that i could actually think and make decisions for myself that she started a personal war against me for the next few weeks.there were plenty of things that built up until saturday when she finally kicked me out of the house with nothing but a pocket knife,10 dollars,and the clothes on my back in my name.

So i walked,starting at 12 am,to 6 pm.i covered about 15 miles distance before i realised i was going in the wrong way towards drakkars house.i broke down at that point both physiclly and mentally and just sat there,luckily my comrade came through and him and his mom picked me up.he was kind enough to give me a roof over my head and some food in my stomach for the night and i cant put into words how grateful i am for that,especially when all my other friends turned their backs on me.

the next day my dad that lives in new york managed to convince my mom to give me 30 days to stay with her until i can get to bootcamp,otherwise im permenantly out of her house.she wouldnt give me a ride back home,so comrade drakkar gave me 7 bucks and one of his umbrellas to aid me as i made the 8 mile walk back in heavy rain,from 4 pm to 8:40 pm to get back home,when i arrived i got the usual harassment and was later left alone in my room to lie on the floor trying to get my legs working again.

so now ya know the short version of why im a little upset right now,this weekend,along with some happenings of the week in whole,have made me a very bitter person right now.

me and emylee discussing our dreams last night XD

T_T what a way to fucking wake up.some cock head just broke into our car and a few others on the street at 5 am and we chased him off with a rifleman in a truck.good riddance,shoulda nailed the fucker in the head.

Nymphetamine Girl. says:
my tummy hurts
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
and I've been up for 24 hours
Shadow says:
-rubs it-
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
and my vagina is bleeding
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
T_T;
Shadow says:
_>
Shadow says:
YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD!YAY
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
o_o
Shadow says:
atleast your not knocked up ^_^
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
yeah, but the midget in my womb would like to come out now
Shadow says:
_>
Shadow says:
-grabs a ice cream scoop-stand still
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
........-dies inside-
Shadow says:
XD
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
kay it stopped
Nymphetamine Girl. says:
<_<
Shadow says:
XD!!

Jacques Chirac, The French President, was sitting in his Office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing you inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news!

How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.
"Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war"

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners. "

Well folks,its that time,tomorrow i am making my final decision weither or not to join.tomorrow,if i choose to go through with it,i will be sworn in and signed on,and shortly after ill be heading to parris island north carolina.

woot,minimum score for passing the marines ASFAB exam is 33,i passed with a 47!that test was effin weird >_>

minimum physical requirements for the united states marine corps:
3 pull ups
1.5 mile run in under 13 minutes and 30 seconds
44 sit ups in under 2 minutes.

I haved talked with my recruiter,and now i have 3 days to come up with my decision on weither or not to join the marines.so far its looking like im joining.