i did the unthinkable last night, i went to a church youth group. i didnt go for me, i didnt go to be closer to god, i didnt go beacause any one beged and pleaded me to, i didnt go because it would mean i could stay in town after schol got out, i went because its important to her, i went to just be with her, one of the few people that gives a shit about me. shes older then me, she has a boy friend, and shes leaving for collage in august and wont be back for up to six years, it will be two years before i would be able to she her again after she leaves...we can still talk on the internet but its not the same as being able to talk to some one you care that much about in person...i was stupid to think that she would go out or even like me the way i like her. this will be the last six or seven months i get to spend with her untill i graduate so i gusei shold try to make the best out of this shity situation.

its not her fault things happend like this, its mine for being a dumbass and careing to much and jumping to conculions, i do care about her and i do like her with all my being, but she has a boy friend and loves him, and me only as a freind. i dont know why i keep on going on like i do. i probly should have just killed my self back then and i wouldnt have had to go thoue this again, but now i want to but know that i cant because it would hurt her and many other people i know.

again i opened my self to some one i cared about and again i was hurt and again i will be deprssed for a long time.

i thought i was right for once about this kind of thing but, now as i sit here in my own dispare i know that i was so off and can only hope that it will work out for the better.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!! almost every one that works at my skool is a DUMBASS!!

live fast, die yong, dont stay siwmming in the gene pool.

holy shit..................... i have a stalker!!!!!

yay im gonna have geen hair by the end of the day!!!

YA!!! im gonna dye my hair green before skool starts!...now ijust need a camera........

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!! MY HAIR CAUGHT ON FIRE TODAY!!!!!

i need more VAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!! great aunt died. on emore family elder down but still to many to go............

wow my b-days on saterday i feel so spiecel.......not relly but ill say it any way. Taushia stil owes me money tht pisses off cause she sed i would get it by the 25 of december 2005. i should knok her out then sell her to some one for five bucks then she wont owe me any more.

wow in less than 24 hours i made 2 new freinds that like a new record for me. wow i feel happy for once....

today i duled friend online and nothing else because my life cinda fuckin sucks.