Just spent the day with Steph Shenton, she is holding up better than anyone could hope for. I hurt for her so badly. I hope i helped some. Dont think i did.

She is such a lovely girl i cant believe marie talked me into thinking she was anything less.... and it was marie as much as marie tries to tell me that she never had a problem with her. I suppose i am very loyal to marie though.

Am at arcades online...just for old times sake i suppose. -.- i want my proper diary back -.- am fed up with this. Am feeling teary and no one is online, it would be utterly unappropriate for me to cry my eyeballs out at arcades. But i see no one i know. And am stuck here untill whatever time Arjan decides to show up.

Went to UNZA today, that was interesting. Decided Vet Med there is deff a no no, i wouldnt be happy or comfortable i would always be thinking about how much better i could have done.

Am going to drink myself into oblivion tonight. See if I can drink enough to peg it ...:P always been curious as to if you can possibly get your blood alcohol levels so high that you die...they say you can...

Why is the world so screwed up? Rape, affairs, death of unnatural causes, manic depression, suicide where are the days when those were the things i saw on tv...and now i have a weakness, one thing that if it goes wrong things dont work out. Damn it. When will I be strong enough. I cant wait until i am made of stone.

ok so a vodka and lime is 6 pin at bowling alley
50 divide by 6 is.... 9 ^^ fuckloads enough by the time everyone arrives i will be my normal bubbly self.

Where the fuck is everyone?!

*holds back tears*

-.-

am not even pms!!!

i hate that i am so afriad of loosing people. i hate it...its irrational.

if anyone hits on my tonight when i am drinking at the bar alone i will hit them so damn hard.

am fed up with old sleezy men.

i just saw Murray. he is going to marry Caroline, everytime i think about him i want to be sick, i think he is part of the reason i am all teary...i just want to puke everytie i see him. if he speaks to me i might just declare my extreem hatred. its so weird i forget him most the time then when i see him i freak out. i have no idea what she sees in him, doesnt she see what he really is, or at least what he turns into?

omg!!! drugs!! i am at the centre of the drugs universe ^^, i shall get fucking high tonight i shall see if i can get some e.

will be the last time i am can go off the rails before i become a mother -.-

^^, am relieved this temporary diary thingy is working out (if anyone checks this please let me know so i can stop writing) heh, but no one ever checks em ^^,

Anyway went riding yesterday and today stayed with Karen, that was interesting since in the 18 months i havent ridden have lost all my confidence, and all my riding fitness, that said i still rode out 3 times yesterday on 4 different horses and then rode Vanilla bareback(kinda just sat so Laura could work with Luna). Rode BitterLemon for old times sake jumped him over some logs and a few old cross country jumps Laura was on Smartie, BL put in some adorable bucks he was exstatic to actually be ridden properly again and to be jumping he went beautifully and really enjoyed it, wanted to role in the water though :P. Rode Crown out who was fucking crazy so swapped with Patrick who is wow amazing now, onto a new one Sailor, who was utterly reliable untill it came to a steep bank/ditch down and up he was petrified which scared me which made things worse, i couldnt even lead him through it, toguh it must be said it was shit footing and rather high. Patrick rode him through. He was awesome later thoguh when we got chased by these dogs, not even a nervou twitch, and when we gotinto the forest with the horse flies and everyone else was crazy he was fine. Crown bucked fucking huge to try get the flys off i was sooo glad i was off him by then. Then the other one i rode was Candid King who was lovely ...and moved nicely. And Vanilla is well....Vanilla gotta love her.

BL remembered me when he heard my voice shoved his head out the door and nickers was all glowing to see me, which is nice coz he was so unresponsive before.

Finally today rode BL in a lesson with Patrick when i got off there was a lady who had literally chopped the tip of her finger off with a sickle so i went with Sandra (lady who is now helping run the stables) and her finger to the hospital, i was appointed fingertip holder and had to carry round this finger in cotton wool. We kept her arm up etc got to Hilltop hospital whereas Sandras going "um well you seee..she...er"
Me " She has cut her finger off, we need to sew it back on"
they did their usual...."ah butti fill in this form"
Me" We need to put this finger on ice"
Them "Ah...butti we have no ice"
Me"Do you have a fridge"
...yes...i ended up scraping off ice build up off the top of the freezer to preserve it, was rather funny.
Them "We cannot do this procedure" (after we had filled in all the forms)
"Go to Italian Orthodedic"
So we did where we met a lovely little Indian man who was delighted at us bringing him a finger and prompty took it from us sending us with the woman to a nurse....4 hours later we finally left it was just a typical Zambian act the pharmacy was closed and we needed her drugs etc...in the end he did a stunning little job of reattaching it, and she was literally glowing, and thanked Sandra and I thoroughly for helping her. So cute. And rightly so considering i took such care of her finger for her. Which she had had to dig for through the grass she had been cutting :P

Queasy?

So then we went home id worked up quite an appetite ...:P so ate all Karens food then up and left for movies with Bill and Manu and Laura. In the car park saw Ryan Chevelo...same old he recognised me surprisingly considering how long ist been since i last saw him we spoke a lil. Think il score him tomorrow night if i do go out...fun fun :P. It was Bills idea to see this movie he bought the tickets and didnt really give us a choice but in the end he hated it and we loved it...Night at the Museum...it was stupid and fun ^^,

Now i shall proceed to bitch about Muffin since he is not online -.- Bah Humbug.

Woo Hoo think thats it *is tired* i hurt all over ...arrg riding!

*sings* unhappy unhappy very very very very unhappy....

i feel like them damn accountants from The Producers

*licks the screen*

Boredom, wonder if anyone will read this.... boredom.

I wonder if i have a right to my ego

I wonder what will hapen this year. Am scared what might happen this year too. Afraid that my friends and I are living such different lives the irritation I now feel for some of them will spred and soon I will just phone them out of pity.

People grow apart. It's sad. It's even sadder when only one of the people realises it's happened, coz they are the only one who have changed. Not changed fundementaly, just have other things to deal with now.

Je suis La Biche...non?

I hate blogging, and people who blog are lame.....thats why i am blogging here ....since I know no one will ever read it ^^,

How sneaky am I.

Simon is dead, Claire is pregnant, Ash is engaged to a man who will be in hospital for the next 6 months, Tom is a coke addict, Marie isn't a virgin, Greg proposed to me, for that matter so did Tom, Matthew has a girlfriend *eyes wide*

Mikaila might be bipolar, the scary thing is when I was listened to the man describing his exact symptoms is that I think I might be too. But Kaila is living with me this year, it is my job to be stable to provide security, its the only option available for her right now, thats why I gave up physiotherapy. So I cant tell anyone :P how funny *is all maternal*

-.- i lost my damn diary thats why this is here -.- when i find it again i will write this out.


Im hungry, but have eaten so much junk....hmm i want scrambled eggs. mmmm i found imported dutch cheese in the fridge!!! *munches happily*.....*feels sick* too much!!!

Thinking I should really take a chance and bitch about someone ....mwahahahahaha except I cant think of anything to say bout anyone. Except maybe Paul DeLange or Danielle Wezlar *kicks and kills Dani* She is engaged, hahahahah!!!! Will finally broke up with her when he found out she had been lying about the rape, he had had her on anti-retrovirals coz she had convinced him and prolly herself that she had HIV!!!! Even though she had tested negative and hadnt been raped at all.

Stupid girl.

Am worried, my parents are now 2 hours late, and i cant get through to them.


Matthew and his brat side-kick announced the other night I'd be hotter if i was meaner, going on to explain if a guy saw me flirting with another guy he deemed "below" himself then he would automatically rate me below himself and move on. Of course Im too much of a nice girl to point out that both of them are below me and on a night out id never look at either twice.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAAA

-.- pft where are my parents.

30 THINGS THAT WIll MAKE YOUR PARENTS GO CRAZY

1. Follow them around the house everywhere...
2. Moo when they say your name...
3. Run into walls...
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"...
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time...
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...
10. Do what they actually tell you...
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly...
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people...
13. At everything they say yell, Liar...
14. Try to swim in the floor...
15. Tap on their door all night...
16.Pretend to have amnesia...
17.Say everything backwards...
18.Give yourself a swirly...
19.Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "the sun!!! it's dying!!!"...
20.Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...in your underwear...
21.Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times...
22.Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder...
23.Run in circles...
24.Recite a whole movie 3 times...
25.Pretend to beat yourself up...
26.Slither everywhere...
27.Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement...
28.Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way...
29.Super glue your finger up your nose...
30.Talk to a pen...


and finally last but not least .....

I am gemini...this is me lil ^.^



"The Twins"
Gemini's have amazing brains[remember this people] They store data like you wouldn't believe. Lots of people think they talk garbage but this is because their minds move faster than their mouth.[haha so yes i am superior to you] Gemini's are generous, affectionate and impulsive and hate hanging around. Boredom and relaxing frightens them. If they're not on the move they go mad. They are great with kids because they never grow up themselves. If you have a Gemini friend, life will never be dull. They love to be respected; this is pretty hard because they're so changeable.[and u dont understand our braininess] In fact, they are often prone to losing their train of thought mid sentence. They're practical jokers too, but can get aggravated if someone turns the trick on them.





Gemini's are often accused of being short on intellect and unable to stick to anyone or anything for long. In a nutshell, great fun at a party but totally unreliable. This is unfair...nobody works harder, is more reliable or capable than Gemini's when they put their mind to a task, especially if there is a chance of making large sums of money! [money ...where?!! w00t w00t!!!!]



Unfortunately, they have a low boredom threshold and can drift away from something or someone when it no longer interests them.[your name again?] They like to be busy with plenty of variety in their lives and the opportunity to communicate with others. Their forte lies in the communications industry where they shamelessly pinch ideas and improve on them.[gasps who me?] Many Gemini's are highly ambitious people who won't allow anything or anyone to stand in their path.[if you wont get out the way il kick you out the way]



They are surprisingly constant in relationships, often marrying for life but if it doesn't work out, they will walk out and put the experience behind them. Gemini's need relationships and if one fails, they will soon start looking for the next. Faithfulness is another story however, because the famous Gemini curiosity can lead to any number of adventures.[No Comment] Gemini's educate their children well while neglecting to see whether they have a clean shirt. The house is full of books, videos, televisions, CD's, newspapers and magazines and there's a phone in every room!



Ruling Planet: Mercury
Quality: Mutable
Element: Air


[k well the forgot to say....or maybe its not a typical trait but i find once you have a geminis trust they are the most loyal people in the world....but you dare backstab us and revenge is our nature....bitch our soul]

bah humbug...am i scared? is that it..

haha am so happy!!
quote of the day...Ren and Stimpy: Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy happy happy joy joy happy happy joy Happy happy joy joy joy....

ok no idea where this is coming from but i am grateful thankyou!!!! il be in town till tuesday!! w00t!!!!

i reckon this would be a good time to write coz im not sad, and im a happy person usually i am i love happiness, i also love drugs but i am not an any!! just caffine i think im a lil mad ...yay!!!

crazy in the head noone shall ever understand me coz as a woman i am fickle and being a woman i am allowed to be fickle and therefore the fact that i cahnge my mind about everything all the time just makes me more womanly.....so if im nice to u one day and a bitch the next its either pms or i am fickly deciding i dont like u anymore...im not like that no it would be pms.

wow what a mood i seem to be in....i would go for night swim, but our pool is haunted coz someone drowned in it :$ yeh so nightly swims on your own are scary, i havent gone skinny dipping here yet maybe the ghost would be more approving nekkid swimming...well im not gonna try on me own...tis risky

so i gots a job tomorrow i sit wit a kid for 2 hrs she does her homework and then we meant to talk coz she is ging thru stuff at home, sorta council her i get paid and tis at the school so i get to perv over the schoolboys yay!!! did i just say that...i meant..the teachers!! meh w/e

mwahahahahahahahaaaa kksies im done

a good friend will help you move
a good girl will help your body
a true girlfriend will help you move a dead body

haha i am a true girlfriend.

right anyways, to those of u who read my diary thankyou!!!!! and u better sign my guestbook coz if u dont then i know u dont read them nd therefore dont care.....

i was sorta wondering where the carefree happy me went anyone seen her? i can only find the rejected moping me lately and she sucks......i reckon tis solitary confinement again soon till i have everything back on track....anyone have a straightjakcet i may borrow? we shall rig a squash court out wit gym mats to act as me padded room......haha

i gave up living by the pool and now live infront of the pc.... i think we are still on hgh alert but hey!!! who cares? we go out anyway well sometimes *coughs*
hmmm....oh yes remeber all u folks out there wen coming to indonesia......its the only place in the worls where u havta worry about:
1. Earthquakes
2. Tsunamis
3. Valcanoes
4. Bird Flu
5. Bombs
all at once!!!! ant its not even a ver big country haha

do ppl actaully read these? well for those of u that do (thinkin i can learn lots about random ppl by reading theirs mwahahhahahaha)hmmm bali has just been bombed and jakarta put on high alert all ex pats have been warned to stay home...........meh so we are stuck at home, no shopping or anything. so will have to continue living by the pool for the rest of my life. blah

do ppl actaully read these? well for those of u that do (thinkin i can learn lots about random ppl by reading theirs mwahahhahahaha)hmmm bali has just been bombed and jakarta put on high alert all ex pats have been warned to stay home...........meh so we are stuck at home, no shopping or anything. so will have to continue living by the pool for the rest of my life. blah