Hmmm...what to write... this summer has been a pretty good one. I've been working a lot which is how I got my ds! Which I like a lot. I also met a bunch of cool people at Aland. I met some people I didn't like but hey that's to be expected no matter who or where you are. Wow my ds and three games are my major purchases. I can't save money worth crap. I also got the new Harry Potter book. It's probably my second favorite in the seires. My favorite is still GOF. I feel so childish. The video games that I own are pokemon, mario, and zoo tycoon. But they are fun so I guess that's all that matters. So school starts in like 10 days. I'm tottally freaking out. I don't want to go back to school. I dislike that place and 80% of the people there. Oh well I guess it's only for 4 1/2 monthes. There's so much I want to write. But where to start. Ok so I'm kind of torn between two social groups at Aland. Which is weird because I only really hangout with one group at school for the most part. The two groups at aland are complete opposites. The cool kids and the non-cool kids. I don't know how I got in with the cool kids. But I like them. Everyone at aland seems too like me. Well not everyone. There are people like sadie aka bitchy old uniform room ladie. But I like the people I work with. I'm so sad that Berkey and Burgees left. (Todd and Greg are there first names.) I liked our group. It was fun going to arby and wendys. Even though I never talked and they probably thought I was a psychopath. lol I hope not. That's not me. And I did talk but only seldomly. I'm the type of person who thinks things over before I say them...usually. With people like Tara and Avery I can usually just talk and be myself with. Well mostly myself. Nobody there knows I'm gay, which is good. They sort of seem like some of the kids at school homophobic. But at least there not the bashing type. They just don't understand it. Anyway. I met one of the coolest people ever. Even the way she spells her name is cool. She's a tc (Team captin) and her name is Aimee. We have stuff in commom and she listens to my non-sensical randomness. She's kind of random herself. There's a lot of gay people who work in the games departmen. Jake, Jermey, and Alex. The latter of two both over twenty-five. And Jake's only like 17 and has a boyfriend. I get paid today, but have to use it all towards school clothes/ other random crap. Harry Potter weekend was fun. I got the book, we (Ashley and I) saw the movie, and we played dses, and just hung out. She told me that someone on elftown is gay and that I knew him. But she wouldn't tell me who which got on my nerves. lol But tis ok. Then we went to see Transformer with Amanda which was fun. I still can't believe that girl doesn't know I'm gay and I've given her so many clues. And one Anvil sized clue. lol I'm come to school with a rainbow shirt that said proud, but she'd probably whisper. Joe if you wear that people are going to think you're gay which I know you're not. lol Amanda kind of seems distant. I dialed her up the other day and woke her up. It was like 2:30 in the afternoon. And I asked her if she could hangout. And she thought long and hard and was like what day is it. Then I said wednsday. Then she was like Wednsday isn't a good day for me. I knew she didn't want to hang out with me. I wonder why. Did I do something to piss her off. I did call her at like 1:00 in the morning, but Ashley was in on it too. Maybe she did have something going on. Wow I think I've written about my entire summer and this is my longest elftown diary entry ever. Sorry if I bored anyone to death. Well if anyone read this.

I sometimes wish for a special blade
Something that'll make everything fade
Because this pain I cannot take
With every breath I wish I'd break
Waiting for a sleep so deep
To stop the pain and cease to weep

I am so sad. I hate my life. Why was I born gay? Better yet why was I born into a homophob sociey? I live in a small fucking town where like 80% of the people are homophobs I'm tired of pretending to be who I am not.

I met someone on elfpack. He's cute. I think I'm falling for him. I need to come out. I need to let people know who I really am. If any of my friends are reading this get rid of your social lives so you can talk to me 24/7 on elftown. J.k. I went to a website on depression and I had like 7 out of 9 of the symptoms oh well.

Tonight was lots of fun. I almost forgot what fun was until tonight. I'll never forget tonight.